Should I end my marriage?

[Whatshouldidointhenewyear]

My DH is lovely. Kind, considerate and caring. After 20 years he’s still my favourite person other than our DC. We’re well off financially and life is easy.

We got together young and I feel that I missed out on dating, sexual experiences etc.

My DH and I don’t have a passionate, exciting relationship. I developed a bit of a crush on a friend, it won’t go anywhere, this isn’t about me leaving for the crush, but the crush has made me realise that I’m unfulfilled in my marriage.

I’ve been completely honest with DH, I’ve told him I think he deserves more too, someone that will be completely 100% invested in him, but he doesn’t want us to end. He tells me he would never want anyone else and he feels separating would be a terrible mistake.

Have you been in this situation? What did you do and was it the right thing.

Part of me feels that I don’t want to look back on my deathbed and wish I’d fully explored my life.

well dating is just going out places with a person. so why don't u do that with your husband?
sex wise .. seems a lot to give up for 5 mins novalty of a different partner before you realise its pretty much the same, but you've given up everything else.

If you leave him, and you don't end up with a better relationship, will you still be happier than you are now?

Do you love him?

You say he is your favourite person but you appear bored. The 2 don't tally up.

I'm in a similar situation. Together young, I feel I've missed out. Been chatting to a couple of interesting people lately and it's making me see what I'm missing. But my DH isn't my favourite person and our marriage is pretty shit. I'm actually planning on splitting as I am very very bored and I need more from a partner.

I think they sometimes, but I also can’t shake this feeling that there might be more.

Say, no, not at all. We’re actually very happy together in lots of ways.

Why - I love him deeply, but I’m not madly, passionately in love with him and I don’t think I have ever been

If you love him and he is loving towards you and you have DC and a good life then I would say no, don't leave him. I wouldn't be surprised if once you got out there you found that the grass is always greener...

Red, I think I already know that I wouldn’t find myself in a better relationship, but I can’t shake this feeling of being unfulfilled.

Just fall in love with him again.

Seduce him
Tantalise him
Be provocative
Think of your fantasies and tell him
Book a night away and be dirty with him

He sounds lovely. You just need to appreciate him more.

Could you be transferring that feeling from elsewhere though? Are you fulfilled work wise, friends wise, hobby wise etc. Fulfillment should come from a wide range of sources not just one relationship.

He's your favourite person to spend time with... don't through that away.

Passionate feelings are usually fleeting and not real!

Start investing more into each other!

I'd probably stay. Grass is greener and all that.

I should probably add that the death of my mother seems to have triggered my current thoughts, I can’t get over the fragility and shortness of life. We just never know how long we have, I want to live it fully for a while, or at least realise, without a shadow of a doubt that what I had was as good as it gets.

Dating really isn't all that. If you are generally happy, enjoy each others company and love each other, I really wouldn't risk everything for something of a whim.

Is there someone outside of your relationship you can talk to about this feeling of being unfulfilled? Might it be worth sitting down with a counsellor to see if you can get to the bottom of it and work through? You could do this together or own your own but might be the best first step...

Cross post. In light of your update, I would definitely get some counselling to try and work through those feelings...

Calzone gives good advice, seduction and find your passion again

Crazy, I’ve suggested counselling. He doesn’t want to, he feels that this is my issue, not his and he thinks I’m being ridiculous. He’s supportive of me going alone.

It's a very difficult one. You have a right to experience passion and good sex. Equally as a single person I can say dating can be awful. There are some dreadful men out there and a lot of them are rubbish in bed

I think if i was you I'd invest a year in trying to revive your marriage because what you have counts for a lot. If you still feel the same way then go separate ways. It's ok to listen to your gut and go after something different.

I have a few friends who have walked away from their marriages for very similar reasons. (FOUR!) All of them thought they were missing out on something.... all of them hinted at feeling sorry for silly old me stuck in my boring 30 year relationship having hooked up with the old man as teenagers.

100% it can be boring sometimes. 100% he gets on my tits. 100% I love him.

None of my girlfriend's who left their husbands have ended up happy.

Yes they had some exciting shags.... but that's all it was.... a few quick shags and a lot of heart ache.

Only one of them will admit she made a mistake.

Pride is a dangerous thing, and three of them have demonized their ex husbands to justify their positions. Shameful conduct and horribly dancing for the families.

Don't throw something special away for the frisson of a shag. Work harder at finding the frisson in your relationship.

You aren't missing out.

I would argue that the moment you start looking for anything at all beyond the confines of what your marriage provides you, it’s probably over already.

We could tell you all day long that the grass isn’t greener when you’re single and dating, and the fantasy of amazing passionate trysts with hot men is just as likely to be a 5 min awkward fumble with Joe average. But none of that matters because it’s a scratch that YOU will have to itch and absolutely nothing else will make it go away, especially not testimonials from other people. It’s not uncommon amongst partners who got together young and never got to sow their oats as the saying goes.

I'm the other end. I met my partner late thirties. There were no thunderbolts but he is so lovely. He is my favorite person to spend time with and I love him dearly. I would gladly swap all the fun in my twenties to have more time with him. I worry you are about to give up something very precious on a whim. Dating really isn't that much fun! X

He doesn’t want to, he feels that this is my issue, not his and he thinks I’m being ridiculous.

^I agree with your husband. It is your problem. You want to go out dating other men because you feel you got together too young and want to sleep around or whatever’s

Stay where you are, and enjoy your crush. Why throw away a happy, secure, good marriage and life for the possibility of a bit of exciting sex?

Honestly, I've had similar thoughts over the years, although I never seriously considered leaving.

My crush is now one of my dearest friends, and I am happier with my DH then I've ever been.

Logically, I know you’re all right, but the feelings aren’t going away. If I could take a tablet and be completely, passionately and madly in love with him, I would. Definitely.

How old are you??

Late 30s.