The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Step Into Our Christmas Thread!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

A HUGE welcome to the Bus!

This is the one and only Gerald. Over the years, we've travelled far and wide gathering some truly remarkable Babes along the way, all of whom have been (and remain to be) at different stages of their own personal journey to sobriety or controlled drinking, depending on what it is that they want to achieve.

We have those who drink daily, those who drink occasionally, and also those who have been sober for some time. The one thing that you won't find here, is any judgey knickers! We're ALL here because at one point or another, we've hit our own "rock bottom" and then smashed the shit out of the FUCK IT button! (makes a note to order a new FUCK IT button)

This is without doubt one of the hardest times of the year for many of us, what with Christmas parties, alcohol on tap, supermarkets who have offers galore of various tipples stacked from floor to ceiling, and EVERY advert on TV shows you what an amazingly cool person you can be if you were drinking whatever brand of alcohol they're flogging! Even Christmas puddings and Brandy creams are tempting fate because as soon as you digest even a small amount of alcohol, it makes your body crave more, just like smoking, medication and recreational drugs................

Then there's the gifts that you're given! Champagne Truffles, Liquors, wines, spirits, you name it! So unless you've told people about your planned journey, people assume that buying gifts like that completely acceptable. So, some may feel obliged to consume such gifts and why not? It's Christmas after all. Then we have the New Year festivities..... parties, friends and family over to have drinks because you'll stop drinking after New Years' Day won't you?

It's so damn hard not to drink if that's what you've been doing all year anyway before you even reach this time of year!! How will you cope with your Great Aunt who will check for dust by running finger over ever surface, or Uncle knobhead who will be there in his cream suit, with that suspicious stain on it and his burgundy shirt asking for a Babycham! Also, let's not forget the in-laws/out-laws! We can sometimes put so much pressure on ourselves that we convince ourselves that we DESERVE that glass or seven of wine etc.

At the end of the day, if you want to drink, then you will. I appreciate that doesn't sound supportive but it's certainly true in my case. As I have said before, the most amazing thing about this Bus and those who travel along with it, is the fact that every single one on board has a story, a reason why they're here, and we all need support in one form or another. Yes, alcohol may be the one thing that we ALL have in common but it goes way deeper than that doesn't it? Life, love and laundry for a start!

Even if you're not ready to stop or cut down on your drinking yet, that's fine! You're still welcome to hop aboard the marvellous Gerald. We're a very varied bunch of Babes but we welcome anyone in need of support, even if you're not ready to say everything that you want to yet, or you feel the need to name change, that's fine! Just know that we're here for YOU for as long as you need to be.

Mouse xxx

THIS IS THE PREVIOUS THREAD IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CATCH UP FROM WHERE WE LEFT OFF

It's been almost two months, and I let it get worse than ever. I let myself drink up to a bottle and a half a night - there were probably shorts/shots too, starting earlier, getting up in the middle of the night in the hope a glass from the already open bottle would help me sleep. It never did, I've been subsisting on around four to five hours of sleep a night until this week.

I've been trying to numb myself because of the stuff with DS - DS doesn't want to be DS any more he wants to be DD and admitted to taking hormones s/he'd got from the internet. The only people who know are DH and one friend. I have to go to my parents next week and break it to them. I have know idea how to do it.

Anyway, I was getting up in the morning just waiting to open another bottle, so I bought myself two bags of Percy Pigs and a crate of Becks Blue, and just white-knuckled it, and today is day 8, but tomorrow is going to be tough. It's our day to go to the Tavistock, and the last twice I got out of that place I was off the Tube and into a bar. I'm trying to be supportive, but there are just so many things I can't say without hurting DS/DD, or without them getting massively defensive.

Anyway, it's been good to read back - congratulations Ma on the job, and Mint on the forthcoming nuptials.

sweet huge huge hugs for you. What a massive thing to go through - for you and dh, and for ds/dd.
Can totally understand why you’d upped the booze, well done on knocking it on the head now.
Take very good care of yourself x

Thanks Slings, s/he told me about two years ago - I won't say 'came out' because he told me she was trans then said not another word for six months, no changes in clothing, hair, behaviour, nothing. So I suppose I hoped it was a phase and did nothing to encourage or discourage. It's just all such shit. I hate going to the Tavistock because I feel like I have to put on an 'I'm ok front' because this is about them not me, and I'm really not ok.

Anyway, drinking wasn't helping, I put on masses of weight and looked like crap. Eight days in I look a little less haggard but today all I've done is eat cheese puffs and ice cream to try to distract myself.

Sweet that’s a huge thing to go through for both of you. Hope ypu are getting lots of support.

sweet Im going to dm you

sweet my friend's child is in a similar transition, but from female to male. My friend has found it so difficult at times because she can't call her child on 'normal' adolescent bad behaviour without it turning into a big issue. In her darker moments she feels like the professionals collude with her child against her . It is so difficult for everyone involved and I hope that your parents will be supportive and understanding. You need as much kind help as you can get.

Morning All, and thanks, Venus and Slings

I think the caseworkers we have at the moment are reasonably cautious, but I can't fight the internet, and yes, like your friend, Venus, I'm walking on eggshells around 'normal' teenaged behaviour as well as everything else.

I'm trying not to let it take over my life - hence the drinking -doh!. I certainly don't want it to take over the thread, there are other places for that.

Anyway, I will be rehearsing my 'lime and soda please' mantra all the way back to Waterloo.

Day 9, and finally, some good sleep. The positives are SO good, it's difficult to understand why we find them slippery to hold onto. I suppose that's addiction; failure of delayed gratification, failure of self-care.

Today I will not drink, today I will focus on the good effects of NOT drinking and not the immediate relief of a glass of wine (I'm going to start by actually looking at the price of a glass of pinot Grigio on the South Bank. HOW MUCH?).

Have a good day Babes.

Sorry, positives:

Sleep
Softer, less red skin
Less bloat around the face and middle
Sweeter breath
More £££s in the bank
The invisible healing of my liver (I hope)
More focus
More energy

That should be enough to start with.

Stay positive, Sweet. I’m in a bit of a phase of missing the ‘old Ted Hughes’ like the relationship you know is really bad for you....but fun. I like your list of positives - popped up in my in-box at the right moment.

Morning All.

Corvid glad to help!

I got through yesterday - found a burger place near the Station that did unlimited fill-ups of sparkling water for a pound (downside was the glass was a jam-jar - bloody hipsters!).

Some tight deadlines this week, so I need all the focus I can muster, even though the desire to numb it all is really strong. Work is absolute shite at the moment, no compassion just lip-service to 'well-being', redundancies, increased workloads, same as everywhere els I suppose.

So have a good day Babes, post if you're struggling - for help; post if you're succeeding - for inspiration; post if you feel your failing - for compassion and support.

Today I will not drink.

Sweet, I will join you in not drinking today. Day 32 for me today, am delighted to be in my second month of no alcohol.

Wishing all a babes a happy and healthy day

Morning All.

Brilliant, Obrigada, hope you had a good day.

I'm sat in vat of stress at the moment, work deadlines and other such shit. But I've managed to deal with the worst stuff and absolve myself of any responsibility because I was calm and not drinking to avoid dealing with it! A Win for sobriety!

Well done, Obrigada.

Sweet* It’s a good feeling, isn’t it, to know that dealing with stressful things is actually easier without alcohol. I know one of my big reasons to drink was stress, but drinking only takes the edge off temporarily before rebounding.

It's the same for me, Corvid.

I'm white-knuckling the desire for a glass right now, but DH has the car and there's nothing in the house apart from red wine which I physically can't drink I have such a violent reaction to it. So I should make it.

It's very quiet around here at the moment.

Morning All.

Made it! Day 11 done, and on with day 12 - that's 51 for the year.

How is everyone else doing?

Morning Sweet, well done on completing Day 11, let's do this day together . Red wine was my poison (often accompanied by whiskey, vodka or whatever else was on offer). I know now that I was/am a functioning alcoholic, I still can't allow myself to think of never taking that first sip so all I can do is not put myself in a position where I can take that first sip and get in as many AA meetings as my small town allows.

Obrigada, projecting is awful isn't it? A reminder though of the hold alcohol has over us (and it's normalisation in society generally). I'm just promising myself ODAAT at the moment, it's also why I'm looking at the days over the year as well as my current stretch. Last year I managed 177 af days overall - not quite half the year, but close. Red wine sets my skin on fire (I literally turn purple) and I sneeze and stream uncontrollably so I haven't drunk it for getting on for 20 years now. I almost wish that I got the same reaction from all alcohol!

Babes I am off to visit family for a week, so posting will be a bit sporadic.

Happy weekend everyone.

Sweet That all sounds so difficult with your DS/DD and trying to be supportive/not be upset/upset anyone else. I hope you're still managing to be AF. It's much easier to deal with these things with a clear head.

Obrigada Over a month is amazing! I hope you feel really proud of yourself for sticking with it.

I haven't been around much lately nor have I read back properly on the thread. I'm not sure what made me come and look really. I'm on day 3 AF and I'm ok. It all kind of fell apart 12 days ago. A combination of a shit week in work and lovely weather. I drank most days up until Thursday but haven't had any this weekend. I really wish I'd just stayed dry. I can't cope with the constant game playing in my head. Should I buy some, how much should I get, should i get cigs to go with it and so on. Its driving me round the bend. I felt so much safer when it had been months of dryness. I don't seem to be able to get that back.

Anyway, that was a very negative paragraph! Maybe I should stay away for longer! What's everyone else doing tonight?

Hello everyone

I always feel a bit weird when joining in an already established thread where everyone already knows each other. It’s a bit like gate crashing a party I should know, I’ve done it enough

But I know you will all be welcoming and helpful in my journey

I am day 8 alcohol free. It’s the longest I have ever gone without a drink since I can remember.

I am feeling proud of myself. I have lost 6lb in 8 days and my skin looks brighter.

I am struggling with sleep, however. And my sober mind is a clear mind. And so I am remembering my not so nice past and also stuff that is going on in the present.

I’m not sure of the etiquette here, whether to divulge in details (some are triggering). To be honest if I put it all down it would amount to about 6 different threads!!

I have tried therapy in the past, but it was the free sessions, and there were only around 10 I think. We were just beginning to get somewhere when the sessions ended and I think that it did me more harm than good. I don’t want to go through that again and I can’t afford private therapy.

So here I am. Not sure what I will get out of posting but I am sure it will be positive!!

Will my sleep ever return to normal? I am so used to being a drink induced coma...

Hi batteries and welcome. Lots of people hop on and off this thread (and back on again) so dont feel like you're joining a group of ongoing patterned friendships.
The only rule is to post whatever helps you. So post your trials, your triumphs, your struggles or successes. Tell us something of your story or stay quiet, whichever feels best for you.
Ask for advice, and offer it to others.
There are some non-human fictional characters who sometimes make an appearance so hopefully you won't be confused by mentions of Barry the Squid, a camel, or horrid baby doll.... (and even I have forgotten the story behind horrid baby doll!!)
Well done for 8 days, and we'll done for joining us.

Welcome Batteries. 8 days is really good going. Sleep takes a while to improve or it did/does for me anyway. You just have to stick with it. I find I dwell on things more when I'm sober. I took up swimming though and that made a difference for me. I find it makes me much less anxious.

Not much to report today. Still AF and I finally have a clean house! It looks so much better! It's not been cleaned properly since before the Easter holidays as DS has been off and at home with me. Last week it wasn't done because I was in the garden instead. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

May I hop back on again please ?
I guess the beginning of the month tomorrow is a good place to start .
I really like to be AF Mon to Thurs and know that once I've done he first night I'm good and then remember I really can do it !
So tomorrow I'm going to be AF for the first time in months and I'm nervous .
I usually pour a double G&T as I walk through the door and throughout the evening have another 3 .
Just keep topping my levels up all week basically .

Have had support on here a while back and would really love to be on the bus with all of you again and reading your stories is inspiring x
TIA

Hi all. Must read back. Meanwhile a photo of the general surveying our new pond, still a work in progress.