My partner always threatens to break up with me and I beg him to stay! Help!

[Mason4572]

Hey Guys, I have been with my partner almost 2 years. We don't live together and have children to previous relationships. He is always good to me by buying me things and helping with groceries etc but I need some help as I'm starting to lose myself. Every time we argue, he breaks up with me. This could be a tiny fight or argument and he either tells me to leave or he leaves. I have depression and sometimes cry and he says to me he cant deal with me being upset all the time. Last night I got upset about the baby we lost( I terminated as i was told by him if I kept it he would leave) I told him how much he hurt me, he straight away went to get out of my house and broke up with me, I begged him to stay, I call 20 times until he answers and then I always end up apologising. I know I sound pathetic but I feel some sense of entrapment. Over the past 6 mths we have had a few arguments and he has left every time breaking up with me and me begging him back.

I am a very calm and I never yell or scream or call him names or anything but when we fight he yells and belittles me and I just stand there crying and begging him to stop.

I need advice guys. Is this him being controlling or does he really want out of the relationship? I dont know where to go or who to turn to. I starting to feel like its emotional abuse and its wearing me down.

Once he over the argument and stops ignoring me he will go on to be very loving and spend money on me. Please any advice would be great.

Krystal

This man is horribly abusive and you need to dump him. Him being nice afterwards is done deliberately to keep you where he wants you, which is at his beck and call. He fucks you up by leaving you every time you do something he doesn't like, and then when you have satisfied his need to feel powerful over you by begging him to come back, he rewards that behaviour by faking nice. He is not a nice person, he is a piece of shit.

Run.

don't waste any more time or energy.
next time he offers to leave take him up on it.

Honey, get out of there. ASAP.

The fact that he ‘breaks up’ with you over every tiny argument is just childish behaviour.

He clings to the idea that when you break up, you’ll run back to him and that’s what makes him a psychopath.

Agree with @stabulous. Run.

You should also be aware that if you muster up the courage to leave, he will be abusive in other ways. Abusers hate it when power is taken away from them, he is likely entertained by your begging and pleading because shits like him usually are. Not giving him what he wants means he will be a shit in other ways.

If you have any family or friends you can go to, go to them as fast as you can and tell them what's happening. Be prepared for him to get nastier. Call the police if required.

I've left before when I caught him texting other women, he never once contacted me. He cuts me off like I never existed. I know Im not perfect but I do love with everything and this is breaking me down one bit at a time.

He just texted me and said he needs to work on himself to get motivation back to not always end it the relationship and have the energy to fit for it. He has told me numerous times he cant deal with the crying but I do have depression and I take medication and see someone but being a full time single mum and working fulltime does get to you sometimes and im only human but I never want to say anything to him cause im scared he will leave.

You need to leave this man, stop idolising him like you need him, you don't. He threatened to leave you if you didn't terminate your pregnancy.

He's texting other women - come on. You need to develop some self respect. Start planning your escape.

Dump him and go cold turkey! Block, delete. It will be tough but I swear you'll feel stronger. Do the Freedom Programme and see a therapist if you aren't strong enough for future relationships.

You have to do this. Do you argue in front of children?

He says he can't deal with you crying, but it seems to me that he is the one who makes you cry. No wonder you are depressed, he treats you appallingly, and then either blames you or just walks out. He is horribly abusive towards you and is making you doubt yourself and your own feelings.

Please find the strength to finish with him, you will be far happier without all the stress he brings into your life.

No never in front of the children.

"I've left before when I caught him texting other women, he never once contacted me. He cuts me off like I never existed".

The bit in bold,, you need to do that. Go no contact next time he leaves. Don't message, don't phone, don't look at him on social media. He knows that not contacting you is a power move so you need to do the same.

I'm the nicest possible way you need some self respect. Understand your worth, He is lucky to have you and you deserve better.

Feel sorry for the next poor girl who has to deal with his shit.

I have bad taste in men so I stay single.

Once hormones and emotions get involved it's a struggle to detach, detach you must, you know this, only you can do it for yourself.

Leave, leave, leave! May feel hard now but a few weeks down the line you’ll be a new person!

He is training you so that in the future he can do anything, go anywhere , be with anyone and you will keep your mouth shut like a good little girl.

What happens if you stay and the kids start answering him back and calling him out on his behaviour.

Will you be getting rid of them so he stays.

He’s not good to you.

You ask whether he's controlling or if he genuinely wants to end the relationship...

Do you see that either way, the relationship needs to end, though?

This guy is very obviously extremely abusive and damaging to you. Please get a grip and get out of this situation. Your children need you. You can't let this person kill the mother your children love and need x

Just tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out

Seriously get rid, he’s toxic

I took his daughter out yesterday and brought her birthdays gifts and gave him his $300 samsung galaxy watch and I end up being kicked out and 11:30pm and sitting at my house unable to get in cause I had no key. Called 20 plus times before he finally answered and brought my key over. So soul destroying.

My partner is exact same and has literally just ended it again tonight. Should that read ex partner now? Head says yes, heart says no.

It's easy to say leave and I am sure we would give that same advice to our girlfriends. But our heart makes us do crazy things.

I think it is a bit of both. He is being emotionally abusive, but he also knows its unhealthy for the both of you and does want it to end it at the time.

I hope we both find our happiness.

Hope your ok beautiful x

Thanks Krystal... a little tearful and emotional... but I know I'll survive either way

We should never be afraid to speak our minds.

Unfortunately in these relationships we are taught to keep quiet, its so sad to allow ourselves such hurt and sadness x

I dod split up woth my ex. Went no contact. It is so tough! Not easy to say as I know.. Yoi have forgotten your boundaries. You are pleasing him at the expense of your health.

No contact is definitely the answer. I didn't follow my own advice hence why I am back at square one.

I cant see whats to like about this man? Relationships shouldnt be so hard. Breaking up with him will be difficult at first (as we like to stick to what we know even if not good for us) but trust me you’ll be happier. Wouldnt life be easier without him in it?

Why didn’t you have a key?

Next time he says he’s leaving tell him fantastic and that you will help him pack and get his bags out the door. Then don’t give him a second thought.

If it’s his house I would quickly plan an exit strategy.