OLD depression

[Shallowshallow]

Hi all, I have been doing OLD for a few months and have come to the conclusion that it's starting to get me down. I live in a small city, so there are not a lot of men in my area OLD. I am looking much further afield but I don't seem to fancy anyone.

I'm mid-40s and happy enough single. I have an active social life but it would be nice to have a bit of romance. Anyway, today I scrolled through maybe 100 men and not one made me think phwoar, not even close. I am getting messages and winks off men but I am just so disappointed at what's on offer. I have lost count of the men that are clearly lying about their age, who look in their photos like: they just woke up; are poking out their tongue (does anyone look attractive doing that?); lying in a bed with a sheet draped over them., can't spell....

Maybe I am just really shallow, which I really don't like to think about myself.

I am just fed up, I suppose. I think I know myself it's time to come off the sites as it is actually making me feel like I will be alone forever.

Today I got a wink off a man who is in his late 60s. I was also viewed by a man who is 73. I think it's tipped me over the edge I know so many on here are doing , OLD but how do you not let it get you down?

fag ash, not fat ash

I've been feeling exactly the same about OLD. I joined Match.com 6 months ago and my subscription is about to end any day. I met a few men on there - a couple I dated for 2 months/6 weeks then they disappointed me for various reasons. I have not had that 'wow' moment with anyone either. I've also tried more recently Tinder, Bumble and POF and don't like any of them for the same reasons as you - I seem to get quite a lot of messages but mostly from men way older (I've just turned 40), way younger or just men/messages that do nothing for me.
I think tonight I am going to delete them all (and my accounts) and not waste my time swiping or searching for something I'm not going to find online.

Also, just because you live near me, doesn't mean I'm going to overlook the fact you are way into your 50's/60's and shorter than me when I clearly state I am interested in men 38-49 and over 5 ft 10!

It's a really tricky one. Certainly for me, I've never really gone on how people look or even how old they are. It's about a connection and I don't know how you find that online.

Hi OP, I've literally just posted similar. I did meet someone on OLD back in January but that ended after finding out he was a fckn alcoholic (I have a thread about it). I've been single for a few months now (happily) but stupidly decided to dip my toe back in again. It has just depressed me once again and am going to delete my account today.

crappyday2018 good for you.

If something doesn't make me feel good, I don't do it. Why should OLD be any different?

The other day I put in my search criteria what I was looking for up to 60 miles away. It was pretty basic - realistic age range, height (over 5'11) and level of education: bachelor degree. It brought up maybe 20 men.of those 20, most looked way over than their stated age and none of them floated my boat.

Clearly there is a lot more than 20 single men that fit that criteria in the real world. In that radius. I think I was doing myself a real disservice relying on OLD.

Time to get out there and embrace life more.

I deleted myself from match earlier today. I got an email an hour or so later saying who my matches were. All the same faces I've seen before. I had a laugh and forwarded match to my spam folder. It's a good feeling.

Well done OP. Its funny but I saw a lot of the same faces on POF when I logged back in at the weekend. I'd been off it since January!!
A friend of mine recently married the guy she met on Match but they met years ago when there was no Tinder and POF so I think most men who went on Match and paid for it were all fairly serious about meeting someone.
Another friend met her bf on Tinder about 8 months ago although, to be quote honest, he's weird and not convinced about him but she seems happy.

I know a few people who have met their LTP's or husbands online but again, that was a good few years ago now when there wasn't so much choice and both were through Guardian Soulmates (which I have also tried and is now like a ghost town because there are so many other options available)

Hi all. I was on POF and Tinder last year, almost the whole year. Then a 'relationship' followed and I deleted my profiles. Well THAT didn't go well (surprise, surprise, I met him on Tinder!) and, downtrodden but hopeful, I set up my profiles again on both. THE EXACT SAME PEOPLE were on both platforms. I get some messages when I have my summer photo up (low cut top, lots of skin on show) - but mainly people I have nothing in common with, too young, too old, etc. When I change my photo to a 'just face' one and no skin on show I hardly ever get any views. I'm 45 btw.

@Amazonfromkent ha you sound like me!!

Aww I loved OLD! I met my OH on tinder, so did my best friend who is now engaged to him with two kids five years down the line. My last long term relationship started on tinder too. Tinder was the best in my experience, loads of great guys on there, met a few where the spark wasn’t there but we ended up friends. Found my OH and he’s an absolute catch.

It tends to work in tiers though cos there’s so many options out there, someone who’s a 10/10 for looks and personality is only gonna go for another 10/10, so if you don’t have a lot to offer you won’t find much in return (that’s really not aimed at you OP, I don’t know anything about you but it’s something I’ve noticed), the younger attractive successful people do well and people who aren’t those things tend to only get offers from other people who aren’t those things while everyone wants to ‘date up’.

It’s a great way to meet people. Funnily enough I met a lot of doctors and surgeons on tinder cos they were so busy it was the best way for them to have a chance of meeting someone.

Thanks for sharing your experience Amazonfromkent

How depressing signing back in after a year and seeing the same faces. Gah!

I think the desperation bothered me as well. I remember when I first joined I was messages by a man who was very complimentary. I was naive and it didn't cross my mind it was probably his opening line with every 'new member'. I replied with a simple reply back and he replied 'Whatsapp?' We'd barely shared a full sentence. I was not going to just send him my number.

Another guy kept messaging me even though I didn't reply back. He had a photo of his big house in his profile which I found a turnoff. I ended up blocking him becausee the pleading got ridiculous.

Looking back over it, it has all been a bit of a disaster. I admire those that can stick with it, but it really did feel like I was dealing with a mild depression over it. It made me feel a relationship was hopeless.

Another guy asked me what I thought my best feature was and then sent me a photo of him in his jocks with an erection. This within a matter of minutes. That was a new low

Oh god, so well rid.

@VietnameseCrispyFish I'm glad it worked for you but I think you're in a minority. It could be that you live in a really big city so have more choice. 'Loads of great guys on there' really depends on what you consider a great guy. I definitely did not find loads of great guys, that is for sure!!
Maybe I'm too fussy but I don't think so.

Agree, great guy is subjective. Taking my examples above they could be great guys if you viewed WhatsApp guy as attentive, house guy as solvent and hard-on lad as well-endowed.

And yes, I agree living in a small city means the pool is much smaller. That's a given.

Not sure how these things work, but over 5'11" means you are looking for someone 6ft or ober which immediately removes something like 75% of men.

I have to say, despite the unwanted messages, I have never had a rude photo! Almost feel like i need to tick that one off before I delete all the apps!

OP you are definitely not alone and it's comforting at least to know that there are so many of us who feel like this (even if that's scant compensation to us all!). I've set up and deleted profiles and apps more times than I can count now. The whole thing feels so bleak and the knock to my self esteem at a vulnerable time a few years down the line from a divorce is hard to overstate - I can say hand on heart it's really changed the way I think about myself for the worse and the knock-on effect to my confidence is tipping into every area of my life.

I'm in my 40s, live in London, am told in real life that I'm 'a catch' and used to have a healthy sense of self esteem, yet the kind of men swiping on/liking/messaging me or who show any interest have well and truly eroded this. It's been a real eye opener and I really wasn't prepared for it when I was encouraged into OLD by well-meaning friends - looking back I was very naive about this.

I knew it wouldn't always be a walk in the park but I wasn't expecting it to affect me quite so much mentally. Like a few others I'm frequently approached by men in their 60s and 70s or by men who live miles and miles away and are way outside of my criteria (and I genuinely believe I'm not overly picky. I just want someone I have things in common with/share values with and who isn't a million miles away from my age). Before I did OLD I also didn't believe the notion that quite so many men of my age really want women so much younger but I've now seen the evidence of this first-hand and the whole thing makes me simultaneously cross and depressed.

I'm reluctantly back on a couple of sites/apps but still nothing and I think I've reached the stage where even if I did spot someone and even if they'd liked me first, I've lost my self confidence to the point I couldn't even bear to risk the rejection of them not wanting to chat, never mind anything else. I'd love to say that I'll come off OLD altogether but I really don't want to be on my own forever and can't see how else I'm ever going to meet someone in real life - it's such a catch 22 and I want to think there's always hope but I'm really not convinced.

Its so easy for people to say not to take things personally or seriously. Its hard though when all you get are messages from total idiots, kids young enough to be your son, old men old enough to be your dad or pervs.
I'd genuinely love to know how reasonably normal and decent men in their 40s who are single, meet women? There must be some out there??

Just a tip too ladies (and gents). If someone bangs on about being 'honest' or 'overly honest' in their profile, be wary!! My ex (met on Tinder) is back on POF and his profile had me in stitches. He lied to me about pretty much everything and he states 'I'm overly honest'

Maybe I'm too fussy but I don't think so. Decent ones are hard to find imo.

@Vitalogy well of course they are otherwise we wouldn't all be on here complaining haha.
I work in a big office full of men but none in my age range are single. Or the ones that have been were single when I wasn't so never the right timing.

I've just had 2 more messages on POF. One from a 51 year old, another from a 26 year old. I am 40 and stated my age preference as 38-49

I don't think I am fussy, I've just got certain standards

@Sunshineandflipflops you don't have your settings right then. You can restrict the age range of who can message you within your profile.