Would you say this is coercive control?

[Anamechangeforthisone]

Hi lovely Mumsnetters I'm after a listening ear and a bit of advise.

Been with my partner for 12+ years and have DC age 10. There is so much to say, and obviously there have been some good times in between the bad.

I've been reading a lot about coercive control and a lot fits. I just seem to be a shadow of my former self, and I don't even bother to do certain things as I feel as if I will be criticised (eg putting my own pictures on the wall and planting in the garden, even buying my own clothes - though I did buy a dress the other day and he liked it).. the thing is he may not actually criticise me, but I always worry that he will.
I have the 'walking on eggshells' feeling with me always. And the feeling of panic if he is due back and the house is not tidy to his standard.

Sorry, waffling. The issues are:

Shouting, or not necessarily shouting but speaking to me "like a dog" (my mum's words) sometimes, not always.

Going out to work after having DC. Not actually preventing me, but saying DC will suffer and how can I fit it in, and that I won't earn that much anyway.

Money. I have a house I bought before I met him. The other day he said out of the blue "are you ever going to sell that house in xxx or are you just hanging onto it". Thing is I have already put lot of money into bail us out over the years and I'm worried that he's trying to put me in a postition where my choices are restricted.

Isolation. We have moved frequently, even overseas at one point. I do not have really close friends where we are now. I only have a small family, but he has shouted them in the past and I can't really discuss this with them.

I have tried to call WomensAid but I can never get through. Don't really know where to start.

@Anamechangeforthisone - how are you? You're post is exactly how I started feeling a year ago, and am now in a pretty bad place, planning an exit though, his behaviour has got worse and worse and no sign of abating. And pretty much the same circumstances, lived abroad, own own place from life before. I wonder what you did? Has it got worse? Are you ok? x

I have an issue whereby I am unable to have a discussion with my partner if I try to bring up subjects I feel unhappy / dissatisfied with.
It results in him shouting, so that I feel scared, or him storming off, so that I feel I have said something wrong.
I would like to have a two way conversation in which both of us could speak calmly and politely, and listen to each other.
Whenever I try to calm him down and say I am listening , he shouts “ why should I tell you what I am feeling “

Hello everyone .
I wonder if anyone could help .
I have serious concerns a friend of mine is in a coercive relationship.
There are many signs present , things that have been said and possible harm that’s come of coercive control .
She is trapped , and scared it is also to scared to do anything ...
Two children are involved in their relationship.
He has something on her phone that notifies him of messages , calls and emails she receives .
I disciplined her and threatens her often with ‘ punishment ‘.
On several concerning occasions she has been admitted to hospital for several injuries , he has also been present at every single doctors / hospital appointment .
He controls her every move , times how long it takes her to go to the shops and back, knows exactly where she is , rings and messages several times to check her whereabouts.
He limits her access to friends.
He exercises control over money, running the household under his ideologies.
He is supremely rude to her at times.
He controls her social media,
She is someone I know very well .
How can I deal with this knowledge?

Sorry for the typos, I meant HE disciplines her.

She has to my knowledge suffered a broken ankle, broken wrist, broken ribs and several occasions of bruising.
Her excuse when I ask is ‘ I’m accident prone’!

I’m am truly scared for her.
However if I was to call the police I know that she would not admit to any abuse because he has threatened her with never seeing the two children again.
He has said to her several times that of ever she wanted to leave he would make sure if it was the last thing on earth that she would never ever see or find the children again.
This I know is emotional blackmail, however her children mean more to her than getting out of this situation .
From asking a few select people I know , the guy has previous form for abusing and controlling previous partners. Those precious partners left quite soon , however she has been with him now for about 8/9 years, the children are a little younger than 7 years old.
On one occasion she had asked me “is this all there is to my life now?”
I asked what she meant , but she replied with a sense of only providing a purpose to him , she felt she was losing out on life because of the restraints he enforces on her.
She feels she has to abide by his terms or lose everything and that no one would believe any different.
Can anyone help please ?

@Lifeonhold2020 you'll need to start your own thread as most people just reply to the OP and might miss your post.

He sounds incredibly abusive btw.

How do I start my own thread ?
I’ve only just signed up .
Many thanks .
And yes I believe he is.

Depends if what device and if you use the app.

On the normal website on an Android-

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships

There's an arrow pointing downwards in the upper right section, right above the threads- select the add thread option from that.

iPhone and no desktop version available .

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk will really help people who are in or who might be in coercive control relationships.

I think you need to leave as your son is being emotionally manipulated by your partner and it’s not healthy. Your son has said he is unhappy in the past, imagine how calm a new house would be. You need to stay strong and do what you know if right for your son and not let your partner manipulate you.