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Original poster

3 years and not met his kids or mum and dad

104 replies

chloeblower · 03/12/2018 16:26

met my partner after a messy divorce of 20 years ,

he has 3 boys and i have one girl, he stays with us when he hasnt got his kids but when he has them we dont see him at all.

at first it wasnt an issue as i thought that would his time with his kids he had been broken from. the first xmas we were together he had dinner at his mum and dads with his kids and was his mums birthday on boxing day he went round there to with is kids . wasnt that long in the relationship so didnt really make anything of it.

then last xmas he had them xmas eve so we booked xmas day out the 3 of us, stll going to his mums boxing day with his kids and us not getting a invite. ( felt hurt ) as it wasnt a normal day .

through this year we have fell out on and of about meeting the kids and his mum and dad but it never has happened. said we would go for something to eat with his parents and its never happened.

we had booked a nice restaurant this year for all of us but he decided i would be too expensive for all of us so that got cancelled and he was going to do something at home, nothing set on stone and still hadn't met the kids yet so that would be awkward. so in the end ive invited myself to a family member me and my daughter.

i have mentioned to him if hes going to his mums again but i dont thinks he being honest with me, just doesnt like taking about it.
his older son goes when the other two do and his girfriend goes who i also have never met

when i tell my friends they say it isnt right? im starting to feel not good about the situation

the kids arent babies neither 18, 16.14

OP posts:
itisitis · 03/12/2018 17:05

Sounds like a double life to me. Happened to my friend, said he was in the army and spent weeks away. She only found out when his wife turned up on his doorstep! He had a completely separate life 70 miles away, she had never met his family either!

BlueJava · 03/12/2018 17:06

I'm sorry OP but that would be a huge red flag for me - I think he is stringing you along. It's perfectly possible to post on facebook so only certain people can see it - so his family may never have seen photos of you. 3 years is a long time I would insist on a meeting and if you don't meet up over Xmas then leave him, he's not for real. Sorry OP.

TheMagician · 03/12/2018 17:06

Oh i feel for you. The last man i dated pulled this stunt on me and i only woke up and felt the imbalance when the pattern was established. Meanwhile my kids met him but his kids didnt know about me. I felt cross that his copy book was un blotted. If when i introduce kids to somebody now they will think "another" (tgey are teens) but his will think "ooo daddy has finally met somebody".
Made me feel surprisingly cross.

TheMagician · 03/12/2018 17:08

Ps i agree with PPs. If he doesnt welcome you to at least one family event this christmas then he has no intention of ever doing so after 3 years.

crappyday2018 · 03/12/2018 17:09

OP I cannot believe you have waited 3 years and not sorted this. You need to tell him straight. I can't imagine a plausible excuse for this to be honest. He's either leading a double life, or is ashamed of you. I very much doubt its the latter.
Give him an ultimatum but, to be frank, you shouldn't have to do that!

Graphista · 03/12/2018 17:25

"they do know about me" what evidence do you have of this?

Seems to me you only know what he tells/shows you. Very easy to fake texts etc.

At best not that into you, at worst he's not single and never was which I think is most likely reason.

There was a recent post where when the poster viewed the FB profile via not her profile there was "in a relationship with (supposed ex's name)" and recent pics of guy she thought was her single boyfriend with his partner.

I know of someone who maintained 2 families hundreds of miles away from each other, for over 30 years, they only found out when he died at the "2nd wife's" home.

Original poster
chloeblower · 03/12/2018 17:40

He doesn’t have Facebook
The picture was my profile pic

OP posts:
Thankyounext · 03/12/2018 17:48

How often does he see his children? Do you ever stay at his home?

wibblywobblyfish · 03/12/2018 17:57

Do you know where he lives? Does he answer his phone if you call him out of the blue? Sounds to me like he is leading a double life, especially bearing in mind the age of his children. He's either stringing you along massively, not wanting any form of commitment or he's a seasoned liar. Either way it's not sounding good.

My friend had a boyfriend that 'was in the SAS' and regularly would let her down for dates, pretend he couldn't tell her his address etc. Couldn't be on social media due to his job and so on. Turns out he was a father of 7, when he stood her up and went quiet it was because his wife was in hospital having their youngest child. This was after a two year relationship and him being a step father figure in her kids life.

Trinity66 · 03/12/2018 17:59

He doesn’t have Facebook

I bet he has Facebook. Have you ever tried searching his name from someone else account?

BackInTheRoom · 03/12/2018 18:00

I know a guy who hasn't introduced his partner (previously the OW), to his kids 2.5 years later. His kids are upset about this. When they used to go to his house, the OW wouldn't be there? Now they're not invited over there at all? His own mother is scratching her head as to 'why' this is happening too? Surely his partner must be wanting to meet his kids?

bumbother · 03/12/2018 18:01

Don't phone his parents, OP!

Just tell him it doesn't feel like a committed, genuine relationship and that, for you, something has to change. No ultimatums, just what you feel and what you need from him, or you need to move on.

gonzo77 · 03/12/2018 18:02

Agree with everyone else. He is definitely lying to you. I'd be getting real answers, in fact I'd just tell him to do one

Feckers2018 · 03/12/2018 18:04

Most probably living a double life. He is married. You are being a fool.

Equalityumber · 03/12/2018 18:05

After 3 years the only reason he hasn’t introduced you is because he has a secret.

Graphista · 03/12/2018 18:06

"He doesn’t have Facebook" have you checked? Searching while logged out or from someone else's profile, including variations of his name to include nicknames? Eg if he's Nicholas smith have you checked Nic, Nick, nicky, nico, smythe etc?

Can you call him whenever you want inc early mornings, weekends and evenings?

Can you meet him spontaneously?

Have you met ANY of his "peripheral" people? Friends colleagues? Have you been to his place of work?

Graphista · 03/12/2018 18:06

Do an image search using a photo of him?

Bluerussian · 03/12/2018 18:16

Equalty. agree with you. The op's boyfriend keeps her a secret.

Yes, one of his children may have see a photo of you and your girl with him on holiday, op, but you don't know what he said. It could have been along the lines of, "Oh, a nice lady and her daughter I met while I was away", and no more than that.

Some people are terribly shy about introducing new people to their family, that is a fact, but three years is a long for that and it is obviously not satisfactory for you. He may be content with things as they are but as you are not, I hope you do something about it.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 03/12/2018 18:19

How do you know he wasn't lying that a picture was shown to him?

PipGoesPop · 03/12/2018 18:20

Are you sure he's divorced?

Gazelda · 03/12/2018 18:20

So how much time does he actually spend with you? Who does he spend his birthday with?
How much longer are you going to allow him to treat you as someone not important enough to meet his closest relatives?

ItIsChristmasTime · 03/12/2018 18:23

I don’t believe they do know about you and I suspect that the reason why is not innocent. Sorry.

Original poster
chloeblower · 03/12/2018 18:58

Yes I’ve been to a wedding from his work colleague & met them when we were away .
We live round the corner from him and I could turn up anytime .

OP posts:
Original poster
chloeblower · 03/12/2018 18:59

100%

OP posts:
Original poster
chloeblower · 03/12/2018 19:01

He sees his children every thur and every other weekend ? So see him all the time he’s not got them - so he’s definitely not leading a double life

OP posts:
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