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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He slept on the sofa because I wouldn’t give him head...

94 replies

bexxboo · 03/12/2018 07:41

So, exactly as the title states. We had a lovely evening. Watched a programme had a roast dinner and as soon as LO went down with her bottle, he asked me for head. I have a bit of a chest infection, I’m on my period. I was tired, I didn’t feel like it. I spent all day putting up the decorations, made dinner, cleaned, hoovered, did everything right. But I ended up sleeping on my own because I wouldn’t put out. He went on about it most of the evening, which in itself makes me not want to do it....

IS THIS NORMAL?

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/12/2018 07:43

No. That's some extreme sulking....

Does he usually put pressure on you?

RedDeadRoach · 03/12/2018 07:44

No, it's coercion, which is a form of sexual abuse. He is punishing you by sleeping apart so next time you're more likely to say yes. Is this the first time he's been like this? Has he ever tried to "encourage" you to have sex you didn't want before?

Sunshineandflipflops · 03/12/2018 07:44

Erm NO.
My ex husband might have been a cheating knob head but he never once asked me to give him a blow job and neither has anyone else for that matter! I’ve always seen it as a ‘nice if it happens’, not a dealbreaker to a relationship!

IWasTrendingThereForAMinute · 03/12/2018 07:48

No and if it happened once there would be an earthquake in this house ! He is not your friend even.

Cawfee · 03/12/2018 07:51

No! It’s not normal and his behaviour is abusive. Google “sexual coercion” and read up. You might want to start rethinking this relationship

LegoAdventCalendar · 03/12/2018 07:59

No, it's sexual abuse, that's what sex pests are. Abusive twats. He'd be on the sofa until the divorce came through chez moi.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 03/12/2018 08:02

Imo it's fine to ask someone for head but to ask more than once and then sulk is not!

christmaspuddingyumyumyum · 03/12/2018 08:03

Not acceptable and he deserves to be on the couch. I'd be telling him to stay there!

anniehm · 03/12/2018 08:11

Fine to ask, but no is no - the sulking and not coming to bed sounds like a teenager! If I'm not in the mood, and he is I just say look after yourself (all couples have times when one isn't interested, it how he dealt with this)

Gogreen · 03/12/2018 08:12

It’s fine to ask, you done a lot that day, you should have pointed it out to him and said it’s home who should be offering you something!

The sulking isn’t normal.

SandyY2K · 03/12/2018 08:25

Very childish of him. FF 16 years... would he want a your DD put under pressure like that?

It's sexual coercion.

Blondebakingmumma · 03/12/2018 08:33

Oh god op, how awful! Not normal behaviour. Don’t be coerced into sex of you don’t want to. This is abuse

iLoveFoood · 03/12/2018 08:34

Jesus Christ.

Sounds like a man child!

I'd be laughing my head off if Dp actually sulked and slept in a different room because I didn't give him head.

Singlenotsingle · 03/12/2018 08:38

Tell him he can stay there until he apologizes.

sackrifice · 03/12/2018 08:39

I spent all day putting up the decorations, made dinner, cleaned, hoovered, did everything right

I'm guessing this isn't the only problem in your relationship, by the words 'did everything right'...

Original poster
bexxboo · 03/12/2018 08:40

Well he woke up this morning & I asked me what was wrong, I said well you slept on the sofa. He said it was because he couldn’t sleep. Correct me if I’m wrong but I distinctly remember him storming out of the bedroom last night...and for all those asking, no this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/12/2018 08:43

Why are you and he together at all now?.

AutumnCrow · 03/12/2018 08:44

He sounds extremely controlling.

imonlyherefortheAIBU · 03/12/2018 08:44

Oh my gosh. Bloody hell. No this isn't normal

FuckingHateRain · 03/12/2018 08:45

What a dick!
Don't give in!

LavenderBush · 03/12/2018 08:46

I'm really sorry, but he is a twat and you shouldn't have to put up with this.

On top of what other posters have already said (re sexual coercion etc), he is now gaslighting you.

Kemer2018 · 03/12/2018 08:47

Not normal nope. Sulking like a spoiled brat.

Original poster
bexxboo · 03/12/2018 09:01

Who wants to perform oral sex on a man when your full of a chest infection anyway..we aren’t as sexually active since our daughter was born, & I do feel bad but I just don’t have the same urges I used to. I can go without sex, I’m so bloody exhausted at the end of each day, and all I want to do is have a cutch & watch a film. He wouldn’t even give me a cuddle in bed because of it! I feel like sometimes I do it to make him happy or to ‘get it out the way’ so I can settle down with a glass of wine, otherwise it’s like there’s an elephant in the room and it makes me so uncomfortable. It’s not all the time but it’s just mentally draining when it does happen.

OP posts:
Bimwit · 03/12/2018 09:03

NO. Its abusive imo and i say this as a 'cool girl' who likes bjs and anal. Coercion is not cool!

Singlenotsingle · 03/12/2018 09:12

It's entirely normal to go off sex after you've had a baby. Nature wants you to spend your time and energy looking after the one you've got, not having another one yet, so your sex drive dies. In a few years, it may pick up again,but not yet. So don't feel guilty.

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