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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Amazing husband.. what’s wrong with me??

110 replies

Jod07 · 02/12/2018 18:32

So my husband is fantastic like really! He’s hot, he does everything for the kids and I. We have been together forever basically, sex life could be better atm but everyone goes through a little drought right? So my dilemma is... Out of curiousity I downloaded an app I heard some younger girls in work talk about and got chatting to a guy... now I have no intentions of ever meeting up with him but it is quite exciting chatting to him... my husband is currently in the kitchen cooking dinner while I’m being a conplete bitch and messaging another guy!... what the fck is wrong with me!? Like I know this sounds crazy but I honestly don’t know why I’m doing it it’s total self sabotage!... any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jod07 · 02/12/2018 21:27

Yeah that’s it I came and wrote on here for attention 🙄 makes sense..not!

Thanks SandyY2k - really appreciate your comment.

OP posts:
DontScareOscarPistorius · 02/12/2018 21:29

In your 20s with a mindset of a teenager! Grow the fuck up.

Orange6904 · 02/12/2018 21:29

Would you be okay with Husband messaging like this?

AsleepAllDay · 02/12/2018 21:29

I'd hate if my spouse was you, OP. It's just fun and it's just bit of harmless fun until your husband finds out and is hurt / you start attaching feelings to this person

Original poster
Jod07 · 02/12/2018 21:32

I wouldn’t no.. yes I know I’m being immature, the reason I’m trying to figure out why I’m acting like an idiot!

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 02/12/2018 21:32

Deleting it will solve a lot of the problem.

Original poster
Jod07 · 02/12/2018 21:35

Ok thanks Everyone I will take your advice

OP posts:
SoyDora · 02/12/2018 21:35

Why do you need to carry on doing it while you’re figuring it out? Can’t you see it makes much more sense to delete the app and then devote your time to figuring out why you’re doing what you’re doing?

Rachelle3211 · 02/12/2018 21:36

Why do you need a reason why? Delete it and focus on your marriage

SoyDora · 02/12/2018 21:43

The reason is probably pretty simple. You’re bored, it’s fun, you’re flattered by the attention.

Original poster
Jod07 · 02/12/2018 21:45

Totally I get it, I think, I hope that’s it and can be fixed fast

OP posts:
whitecatsandblackcats · 02/12/2018 21:52

OP a piece of advice for you - NEVER post on MN about anything relating to feeling unfaithful, or thinking unfaithful thoughts, or doing unfaithful things - it is the one thing that is taboo on MN.

Hardly anyone on MN can understand the perfectly normal human urge to want to flirt with or think about people other than their spouses.

My conclusion is that all MNers are super human robots who are magically in lust with their spouses for all eternity and free from natural urges towards other humans.

MN police will get you for even thinking about someone who isn't your spouse.

(N.B. I'm not advocating cheating and feel enormous sympathy for anyone who has been hurt in this way.)

sparklefarts · 02/12/2018 21:55

*'...what's wrong with me?'
*
Sounds like you're just a plain old arsehole, OP.

m0vinf0rward · 02/12/2018 22:07

You won't delete the app. This is just a symptom of your immaturity, the problem is deeper IMHO. People like you make me sick...try being on the receiving end of your partner cheating, lying and mucking around on you then you might get an idea of the hurt you are about to unleash on everyone. But you don't care do you...just so long as you get your little thrill. Your husband needs to know...so he knows what sort of duplicitous person he's mixed up with. If you have any feelings for him at all then you need to seek help to understand why you are doing this and tell him all if it no matter how painful it is.

SelpMeGod · 02/12/2018 22:08

Well imagine if you delay deleting the app and your Dh finds it and the messages on your phone.

What if next Christmas is your first without your children because he gets the first Christmas with them post-divorce.

That is the reality of what you are doing. It isn't engaging in idle day dreaming, you are contacting another man to flatter you.

Delete the app now, and seek help for why you need this adoration of another man.

Omunye · 02/12/2018 22:14

My conclusion is that all MNers are super human robots who are magically in lust with their spouses for all eternity and free from natural urges towards other humans.

Or maybe we just understand that all relationships have ups and downs and natural urges towards other humans aren't worth hurting our relationships and partners over?

SandyY2K · 02/12/2018 22:32

This is not a place where you'll receive any constructive support for this sort of thing.

It takes someone who has been in your position or someone who has experience from a different perspective to be non judgemental.

The name calling is simply pointless and immature in itself.

SillySallySingsSongs · 02/12/2018 22:36

now I have no intentions of ever meeting up with him but it is quite exciting chatting to him

Well tell your DH and let him decude how 'exciting' and 'fun' it is.

You are cheating on him.

SillySallySingsSongs · 02/12/2018 22:39

My conclusion is that all MNers are super human robots who are magically in lust with their spouses for all eternity and free from natural urges towards other humans.

Nope not at all perfect. However nor do I think it is ok to cheat on your DH. I mean if it all so innocent then tell your DH and let them decide if they tgink it is ok.

Omunye · 02/12/2018 22:41

It takes someone who has been in your position or someone who has experience from a different perspective to be non judgemental.

I don't think there's any virtue in being 'non judgemental' towards someone lying and cheating on their spouse.

Omunye · 02/12/2018 22:47

The DH is a real person with real feelings and not just a secondary character on the OP's journey to finding herself.

Branleuse · 02/12/2018 22:53

Youre young, in your twenties with children and a husband who youre not feeling the passion with anymore. Or are you and hes not?
Life not that exciting?
I think you need to have a good look at what you actually want here.
Id delete the app while you figure it out. You and your husband have a lot to lose here, risking it all for the sake of some sexting with someone off the internet you dont even know?

SandyY2K · 02/12/2018 22:55

I don't think there's any virtue in being 'non judgemental' towards someone lying and cheating on their spouse.

There are ways to express views, without calling people an arsehole as I've seen on this thread.

It's quite clear the OP knows she's doing the wrong thing... she wouldn't have posted otherwise.

There's nothing more immature than name calling on an adult site.

SillySallySingsSongs · 02/12/2018 23:03

There's nothing more immature than name calling on an adult site.

There is nothing more immature than cheating on your DH because it is exciting and fun imo.

Omunye · 02/12/2018 23:03

I personally think (rightfully) calling someone out on their arsehole behaviour is a lot more acceptable than cheating on your husband.