My boyfriend died.

[Herja]

I found out yesterday that my boyfriend has died. We had a long distance relationship and I had not been able to get hold of him, his mum went to check on him and found him.

He was quite troubled, but was the only person who understood me completely in the whole world. Despite his problems he was a most amazing person, I loved tge way his mind worked. He was so funny and so kind and I miss him so very much already.

I last spoke to him on Monday morning. On Monday night I called and he tried to answer I think. He was found on Thursday. I have anxiety around people I love dying, so I was worried something was wrong from Monday night. We normally spoke by message a few times an hour.

I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.

I'm so very sorry @Herja

Do you have anyone nearby you can be with?

Do you want to tell us about him, how you met, etc?

He was an alcoholic. He tried so hard this year to stop and he couldn't. He was only 34. We had plans for our entire lives. His last Christmas present arrived in the post 20 minutes after I found out he'd died.

He was meant to stay for a few weeks over Christmas and I was so excited. He didn't care about Christmas, but I love it. He'd already been shopping to get me presents.

My friends have been here. One got here from work within10 minutes of me calling her.

I've known him since I was 15. He was with me for every horrid part of my life. When I was halucinating he managed to literally make the monsters go away.

I am so very sorry

He's the only person who has ever called me beautiful. He kept me strong every time I couldn't. He's the only person who could make me be ok right now and he can't be.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep your friends close. Will keep you in my thoughts xxx

Sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your posts have literally made me cry.

Oh my darling I'm so so sorry. There are no words to make this pain go away. Surround yourself with family and friends. Eat and try sleep. I know you probably can't face anything. But don't let grief consume you.
My heart goes out to you right now

So sorry for your loss. My husband diecast year. You may get some comfort from a group called widowed and young. You don't need to have been married to join

This is horrible. I'm so sorry for your loss. Glad you have friends close.

Really sorry @Herja I hope you have people around you it helps to talk and write things like you are here. x

He made it snow. I'm like a small child about snow. I was there with him in Scotland last Christmas and he promised me he'd make it snow before I fell asleep. When I woke up in the middle of the night it was snowing really heavily and had already settled deeply. He got up and took me out to play in it at 1 am for hours.

Oh @Herja. You are really going to have to take this minute by minute. As PP said, keep your friends and family close, but tell them if you need to be alone too. Go with every emotion.

In time, you will be stronger. Maybe you've have learnt things from him that you don't even realised. And what has happened gives you all the more reason to put your part of those plans into action, where you can.

He taught me how to chop wood and how to fish. He told me I was strong and clever and could do anything I wanted if I tried. I love him and I wish I could tell him one last time.

He was all alone. He died alone and then was there all alone for days. I don't think I wikll ever get past that.

I am so sorry for your loss

Similarly happened to me when i was in my early 30s. I thought I'd never get over it but someone very wise said just do whatever you need to do to get through it and look after yourself.

@herja when my Dad died suddenly it helped me to write him letters that I kept tucked away. I had so much left to tell him. Might help you x

He sounds like such a beautiful soul.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I was widowed so I understand how it feels to lose someone. for you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your BF sounds like a wonderful guy.

Sorry for your loss.

If he was an alcoholic, you know you couldn't have fixed him x

I wish I could have been there with him.

He found some bits of life hard and I did all the boring adulting things he wouldn't make himself do. In return he made mr have fun. He made me happy in a way I have never otherwise been. He made me brave and he made me feel so safe.

I can be obsessive about people. He took every irrationality I threw at him and just reminded me that he loved me. He convinced me to stop self harming. When I was suicidal he made me brave. When I was raped as a teenager he was there and he was there whrn I was unpleasantly sexually asaulted 2 years later. He made me safe and he made everything ok.