Is he out of my league?

[Sonjing]

Hi all, I am not sure what I am trying to achieve with this post, maybe I jut want to be reassured that I am being silly. I started chatting to a man on OLD and we’ve been out once yesterday. I previously started other threads about how many bad dates I had been on and how I never seemed to fancy anyone. I turned down many, many invites to second dates.

Well, famous last words! Yesterday I met this guy and I most definitely fancy him. I think he is interested too, he already asked me out on a second date, although we haven’t pinned down a date. There was a little kiss at the end of the date :)

However, I am concerned he is “out of my league”. Here’s a breakdown:

• Him: 36, hugely successful job in investment finance, very posh and good looking. Mega expensive taste (skiing trip every weekend, sports car and yada yada). Lived in London and New York. Never married, no kids.

• Me: 29, good professional job in marketing for a corporation, well educated and “normal” middle-class upbringing. Lived in many different cities in Asia and Europe when I was younger. I think I am quite attractive, although not a model obviously. Never married, no kids

He is so sophisticated, so polished, so in control. I, on the other hand, am just a normal, nice, smart woman who bites her nails and is too lazy to iron her clothes. I feel so fascinated by this aura of “perfection”. I can’t help but thinking that he could never be seriously interested in a normal woman like me. Surely he’d want a relationship with a similar superhuman with a posh lifestyle. Probably a model, sigh!

I know how silly this sounds, and how insecure this makes me appear. I am actually pretty confident usually, but I am not used to moving in the kind of professional and social circles that this man is accustomed to.

I don’t know what I want to hear. This is so silly. It is so rare that I feel an instant attraction to someone and I am a bit scared of getting hurt down the line. Sigh!

Arrange a 2nd date.
You might not even like him after that.
Who knows?
But who knows anything?
He may have dated all the people you list above and found them tiresome and high maintenance.
He may want a confident, happy, down to earth type of girl.
Don't judge him yet.
You've only had one date.

I wouldn't believe everything he says either. Not yet anyway. That's the cynic in me though.

crappy I thoroughly stalked him on social media and Linkedin before meeting him, that is why I know all this stuff. He did not brag or anything!

No such thing as leagues. Everyone has their own hangups but you'll probably find he is concerned about his just as much as you are about yours.

If you have a connection and get on, then that's all that matters :)

OP you never mentioned his family? What sort of background is he from?

In my experience people that eligible normally don't need OLD to meet the future wife, unless they are super shy or too much of a workaholic. Usually they might have a girlfriend already, or just be looking for some fun and don't want to mix their social circle into it.

Proceed with caution and don't fall for the superficial perfection.

Ana that is exactly my concern..

Have you seen 50 shades of Grey?

Juuuust saying ;)

He was born in Italy but grew up in France. I am Italian, so we technically share the same cultural background.

We both now live in a different European country which is not Italy nor France.

Fashionista I swear that Mr Grey is exactly the kind of image he projects! Well minus the kinky sex (for now!).

Mmmmm.... it would put me off him to be honest. Also, I wouldn't be able to afford to keep up financially with everything he does and I wouldn't like to have him pay for everything for me.
In your position, I'd see if a second date occurs and go along and see what happened.

A friend of mine met a guy like this - he had a helicopter pilot's licence and picked her up in a helicopter a couple of times! He was from another country and posted here for a year. She fell in love with him and he even talked about her moving back to his country with him. She was about to throw in everything to be with him and then a couple of days before he left he admitted he had a wife and child in another country.
He was just too perfect - as others have said proceed with caution. It sounds fishy to me.

What are you doing woman, stop putting yourself down, he still picks his nose I bet and farts; it's not about money or where you live, it should be about kindness, patience and actually valuing each other for who you are not for what you have; you sound a bit insecure; just remind yourself how wonderful you are.

You are way overthinking this. You've not even been on a second date!

Hahahh just make sure you've had a wax in time for your second date. And play it cool :) he may be really hard to live with or something? Play is cool, take it slow and just have fun. You've got to start somewhere so you may as well enjoy it whilst it lasts. Life's too short really :) I wish you the best of luck and hope it works out!

I should add that I live in a major financial hub with a ridiculous amount of bankers/ consultants compared to the actual population, so I have been out with people with similar jobs before. But somehow he feels different from the other bankers/ consultants I dated.

Because he's really hot I bet

You're both on the same site, both single and work hard. As far as I can tell, that's level pegging! What if he's thinking that you're so blooming gorgeous he's unsure if you're way out of his league too? Just go steady and see where it goes!

Hmmm, something amiss here. Take your time. Social media profiles aren't always what they purport to be! . These kind of men are usually fighting them off with a stick so why he his OLD I'm not quite sure. If he is sch a catch why has he not been caught? Just go slowly and cautiously .Also, research his prev roles and look up the companies. There should be some footprint of him left on line, awards, promotions, ceremony's,new joining , sorry your leaving us,that sort of thing etc. Good luck.

I assume he's human OP? If so, just treat him the same as anyone else. Leagues of looks and achievement/money/class/nationality - all that stuff - mean nothing. Everyone wants to be loved.

FannyFanackerpants71

Yep there are footprints everywhere on the Internet about his career, articles, interviews, yada yada. Pretty sure professionally he is legit.

@Fashionista101 that's exactly what I thought!!!

Is he called Christian Grey....??

@Sonjing ok, check one completed- Good!

Check 2. suggest a ski date at an indoor slope type place and see if he really can ski?

Check 3- look at his ring fingers, any dry/lighter skin where a ring could have been?

Don't shave anything .. yet. Keep your hand on your halfpenny until you know more. 🤞👍

@FannyFanackerpants71

This is amazing! What a thorough plan of action!!

@Sonjing remember, you've never said you could ski and as far as he knows, he doesn't know that you know ,he says he can on
Social media. Suggest a fun day out at a slope, it's something you always wanted to do, blah blah ..a one off beginners trial thing. Nice and xmassy etc. Look how fun and adventurous I am 😉. See how proficient he is or his reaction! Good luck.

Forgot, make sure his image matches that in the company websites and that it is defo one and the same person.

Hmmm, I’ve dated quite a few men like this. A few were lovely but most were arrogant, misogynist and/or seriously controlling. If you like him then definitely proceed, but don’t let his wealth and status blind you to red flags.