DH has left

[essexmum2019]

Minor row on Sunday but he's obviously been harbouring I'll feeling for a while as he's upped and left (back to his mother FFS).

We have two kids- 11 and 1. A nice home, no money worries, no obvious issues except the stresses that come with a toddler and two full time working parents.

He's said there's no fixing it and he doesn't love me (to me) so I've put on a brave face and told 11 year old who is devastated. She phoned him to say good night and asked if he's ever coming home and he said "I'm thinking" FFS what does that even mean- he's not thinking at all! So now she has a glimmer of hope he'll come back

I feel shit- I haven't eaten for three days, I'm not sleeping and I've cried enough tears to fill a bath. I'm heartbroken- we've been married 9 years but together much longer- since I was 18 so I don't even know how to be alone

My friends and mum have been amazing but I miss him so so much.

None what so ever. Just put a band on your wrist and ping it everytime you start talking about your ex.

Have you though about doing a bit of a make-over. Either of yourself, hair, nails, lashes or maybe redoing the master bedroom?

I want to ask him what is worth leaving a comfortable home, 2 kids and a wife who'd do anything for you at great expense (divorce is going to cripple us both) without even an attempt to fix it.

I want to ask how he can have walked out a week ago and not made any contact with our eldest (10). She has her own phone. I want to ask how he hasn't been desperate to see our 18 month old who is changing daily.

I want to ask him what the OW (online) offers that I don't. I want to ask him why he can't contact with her if even to see if it makes him realise what he's losing.

I want him to know he's broken me. I can't eat or sleep and I'm just going through the motions every day.

Despite everything I want him to come back 😥

No you don’t.
You want the IDEA of him to come back. The idea that is NOTHING like the reality of him.

Keep on keeping on.

I'm truly broken without him. He seems to be thriving without me.

I'm not in contact with him and I've made no hints on SM that I'm hurting but he'll know. OW has blocked me on all social media despite me not having attempted to contact her. Her relationship status was engaged so I'm not sure if it's so I don't contact her OH or if her and H are planning to pursue something more- with a 400 mile distance and four kids between them.

I am away from home this weekend with kids and he's moved all his things out over the weekend so I'm dreading going home to an emptier house, his pictures off the wall, having to take our wedding photos down...

Why would you want him to force himself to be back with you if it’s not what he wants?

It will be a constant battle.

@SlowNorris I haven't said I want to force him back? I don't want to force him back, nor have I tried.

I want him to come back

I’m referring to this bit and a lot of what you’ve said about him not attempting to fix it etc.

He seems to be thriving without me

Of course he's fucking thriving! living with his mum, on the playstation as long as he likes, no kids around to remind him he's an adult with responsibilites - and a fantasy romance!

@essexmum2019 I'm in kind of the same boat but further down the line - mine flounced in August with no warning after 25 years together. I've no idea if there's and OW because it's kind of irrelevant to me.

I found a helpful book, 'Runaway Husbands' by Vikki Stark. It's American but she's found thousands of examples of this sort of out of the blue leaving thing. So she's been able to draw conclusions from those examples and it's eye-opening stuff. It's on Kindle, and I've read it three times now. It really makes you see that it's not you, it's him. It might help.

I echo others: don't waste any more time on him, do what you can to look after yourself and start looking forward. It ain't easy and you'll find it keeps going through your mind relentlessly for a while but gradually it gets better. Counselling helps but ideally with someone who understands why men do this stuff. Look after yourself.