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Original poster

He is too young but I like him!

122 replies

Amazona24 · 27/11/2018 14:01

I'm 27 and he is 19. I met him at work and to begin with it was just on a friend level and I've always said I don't fancy him. But recently I've been feeling pangs of jealously, especially when he posted pics of him out with his ex. He has recently become more smart at work and I think I now have feelings for him. People have mentioned they see the way he is with me and likes me too.
But it's just this huge age gap! If it wasn't for that then May be I'd pursue it but I guess I'm just sad that he isn't older :(

OP posts:
notpushyinterested · 28/11/2018 18:48

It's icky

FissionChips · 28/11/2018 18:51

Brilliant non answer maxi Hmm

Original poster
Amazona24 · 28/11/2018 18:52

any yea I do thanks

OP posts:
maximumcarnage · 28/11/2018 19:05

Sheesh, everyone’s a critic. Wink I’ve dated a girl ten years younger and I’ve dated a woman ten years older and I loved them both. So youngest was 20 and oldest being mid 40’s. I couldn’t comment on maturity or some such. But I enjoyed being with them.

SexNotJenga · 28/11/2018 19:12

Two Cures For Love

  1. Don't see him. Don't phone or write a letter.
  2. The easy way: get to know him better.
  • Wendy Cope

If you spend long enough with this kid you will realise you don't really fancy him. Try to get to that stage before you sleep with him.

And then there's the fact that you work together. Don't shit where you eat. It won't benefit your career.

CeriseCerise · 28/11/2018 19:17

Like Sex says, try and make sure you like him first?!

But blimey he's of age, and you're not ancient. Pursue it seriously if you like him. I remember being about 36 and feeling this intense interest from someone who was what - possibly 23, 25, not really sure exact age, and feeling it too. But also feeling it was wrong. But it wasn't really, and I missed a possible opportunity, when all around me were complete male duds in their 30s and 40s! Just sexist nonsense.

CeriseCerise · 28/11/2018 19:20

I mean sexist nonsense to wait for men who are your own age or 5-10 years older. No-one would blink if a man of 27 dated a girl of 19.

MamaLazarou · 28/11/2018 19:23

I would probably have a quick fling with him in your situation, OP, if he's up for that.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 28/11/2018 19:33

I was a young man of 21, fresh out of uni and ended up dating a women who was 31. I would not say I had no agency in how things progressed but she was very assertive and I was quite naive and not terribly confident but she took a shine to me and we ended up together for about 18 months. In hindsight I was way out of my depth as she was a high flyer in the city on silly money and proceeding at speed with me towards marriage and kids. While we had fun it became increasingly obvious we were not on the same page in life but more worrying was that she was very controlling both financially and emotionally that unfortunately at that age I did not realise what was going on. There will always be people on here saying how large age differences don’t matter but I think they are kidding themselves. I have have very rarely seen large age gap relationships be on equal terms.

Orange6904 · 28/11/2018 20:05

I think plenty of people might blink at that cerise. See post above for one. It's about the life stages more than the years.

Original poster
Amazona24 · 28/11/2018 22:02

It's seems to be alot more acceptable for it to be an older man and younger woman rather than the other way

OP posts:
FissionChips · 28/11/2018 22:06

Nope, it’s grim whether the older partner is male or female.

All about life stages.

Original poster
Amazona24 · 28/11/2018 22:20

fission it's not bloody grim! There are different opinions weather you would date someone younger or not but I think grim is a strong way of putting it!

OP posts:
CeriseCerise · 28/11/2018 23:08

Personally I think sausage and others have the grim, narrow outlook on life, but each to their own.

FissionChips · 28/11/2018 23:10

Grim outlook because we don’t wish to have a relationship with a teenager? Hmm

BettyCrook · 29/11/2018 06:40

OP is it possible that you see in him the youth you missed out on while raising your child? feeling worried about missing out and getting older (30 is not old but its a milestone age) and so subconsciously clinging on to a younger love interest?

I really think if he was 21 or older it wouldnt be this bad. but he nine TEEN. What is legal is not always also morally right.

blueskiesandforests · 29/11/2018 06:54

Don't they say age divided by 2 plus 8 - so 21 would be ok to date 27, but maybe not 19... Grin

I don't think it should be different for men than women but if you want kids biology is relevant. I don't think a serious long term relationship sounds a good idea, though a light hearted fun relationship wouldn't be "wrong" the danger is of you falling for each other and still being together in 2 years, at which point you're 29 and possibly thinking that after 2 years together you'd like to think about marriage and children within the next two or three years maximum, and he's a decade away from feeling ready...

The fact you work with him irrespective of age gaps is also a big concern - does your employer have a policy on workplace relationships? Could you handle working together after a nasty breakup?

blackeyes72 · 29/11/2018 07:54

When I was 27 I dated someone from work who was 21. It got pretty serious and we loved together too. I did break up with him eventually, as I think it should have stayed a fling really but we both became very attached.

I found the social circles quite hard work.. Even 20-21 year old young men are very immature generally in comparison to 27 year old women. Some were still at uni, etc

I ended it because as I got to 30 I really felt like I needed to settle down, have a family etc and he was nowhere near that.

I ended up getting married and having children age 32 but even though he met someone quite quickly after me, he didn't get married and have children until they were early to mid 30s which would have put me in my 40s...

Alfie190 · 29/11/2018 08:14

Cerise, OP, it has nothing to do with gender. Many would also be revolted at a man and father in his late 20's pursuing a 19 year old female. It is icky and even worse that this would take place at work.

Original poster
Amazona24 · 29/11/2018 11:50

The outrage on here is like he is a kid or something. He's an adult!
And tbh I've said I'd be happy if I didn't have another child or if I had one at the age of 34/35 I wouldn't mind either. I don't know why people make it a big deal to be married in your 30s it doesn't bother me. A piece of paper doesn't change anything in my eyes. Don't need to rely on a man for financial stability.

OP posts:
blueskiesandforests · 29/11/2018 13:18

Amazona24 you might be happy not to have another child, but he might realise in 10 or 15 years time that he wants one, or three, at which point biology will be against you and he might be bitter and resentful or sod off with his own 19 year old ...

It's fine for a fling but a long term relationship might not work because youre likely to be at different life phases even in 10-15 years time.

Of course you haven't even been on a date yet, so thinking about that is rather putting the cart before the horse.

Initially I'd worry more about it being a workplace romance - does your employer even allow that? If they do, will you be able to remain professional working together after a row or after breaking up?

MemoriesOfAnotherFuture · 29/11/2018 13:26

I’m 33 (female) and my partner (male) is 25, nearly 26. We’ve been together 2 and a half years since I was just turned 31 and he 23. I have a 5yo DD from my previous marriage.

GraceMarks · 29/11/2018 13:40

My god, it's not like the OP is talking about marrying the guy or having a long-term relationship - some people are talking like she's trying to trap him and force him into becoming a father to her child. Does everything have to be viewed as a life-changing decision?

OP - my qualm about this is that it's potentially a workplace romance, which can end up being messy if things go wrong. I know a lot of people meet partners through work and, indeed, it's sometimes hard to meet people in other ways if you work full-time and have childcare responsibilities on top of that. I don't think there's anything wrong with finding out if he's interested in you, but do think through the repercussions if things were to go pear-shaped. Would it be easy to avoid him or would things turn awkward?

Loopylou6 · 29/11/2018 13:45

Hmm, it feels wrong to me, but I have a 19 year old son, and I'm just 9 years older than you.
Plus it could really mess up your job

wishywashy6 · 29/11/2018 14:00

My god, it's not like the OP is talking about marrying the guy or having a long-term relationship - some people are talking like she's trying to trap him and force him into becoming a father to her child. Does everything have to be viewed as a life-changing decision?

OP - my qualm about this is that it's potentially a workplace romance, which can end up being messy if things go wrong. I know a lot of people meet partners through work and, indeed, it's sometimes hard to meet people in other ways if you work full-time and have childcare responsibilities on top of that. I don't think there's anything wrong with finding out if he's interested in you, but do think through the repercussions if things were to go pear-shaped. Would it be easy to avoid him or would things turn awkward?

All of this 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼

Well said @GraceMarks

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