Hi ladies,
I'm sitting here at 4am not knowing what to do next. I have been through a lot of trauma in my life and after finally breaking free from a 10 year physically and mentally abusive relationship I thought I had found the the one. My boyfriend has been loving, caring and kind to me for the 2 years we have been together. There's always been an issue in the background with him not always being able to maintain an erection all of the time but it worked most of the time and I loved him so much I just carried on. so I was shocked when I discovered he had been leaving distasteful comments under women's pics on FB like "nice ass" and "sexy" but I confronted him and he said sorry and he wouldn't do it again. Then I accidentally came across some strange text messages in his I watch - I googled the numbers and local escort sites appeared - again silly me believed him when he said he was just looking at it and did text them but nothing happened beyond that. Fast forward to today I am 30 weeks pregnant and around 1 month ago I saw emails that he was sending to online sex services where they send dirty pics and talk dirty to him and ask him to put in credit card details. We were going on a holiday/working trip for me to Colorado and he was asking these girls if they would do an incall to our hotel! (I was going to be working on some days in Colorado). This was unrealistic because none of the girls were based there but all the same it was devastating to see this and literally took all the breath out of my body. I confronted him and he tried to deny it at first but then when he could no longer deny it he admitted it and said sorry, that he has an issue but he loves me and doesn't want to do it anymore. He promised he would never do it again- I literally have been waking up crying in the night uncontrollably about this I was so hurt he convinced me to give him a chance and that he loves me and when we went to Colorado I tried to initiate sex because by now we have not had sex for 5 months and it's not because I don't want to. We used to have sex however it was never often after the first few months and I did always wonder why but I just thought he didn't have a high sex drive or it was because of the fact he can't always maintain an erection so just doesn't want it as much. Since being pregnant though He never initiates if I do he pulls away which is humiliating and then if he does try he fails so makes it worse. He has literally never gone near me since I said I was pregnant which breaks my heart. I don't show for months even now I'm tiny It just seems like an excuse. Anyhow back to the story. When we returned from Denver I went to the doctors with him and we got him tested and also got him signed up for a sexual counseller which he hasn't seen yet due to waiting list. The doc gave us viagra. We tried it once and it didn't work so we went back to get a stronger dose and now he is refusing to try it (I'm getting very pregnant now) I really wanted to please him and would of done anything he wanted sexually to stop him having to do all that as I find it Devastating.Today I found his entire google search history for the last year he is pretty much watching porn everyday and looking at escort sites and searching for dirty things online sometimes for hours at a time. He isn't working at the moment so whilst I'm out pregnant and earning money to keep the house going he is looking at this stuff morning noon and night. Im not sure if he has visited an escort in real life but it's a massive possibility based on the fact he texts them. He doesn't know I saw the google search history yet and is still being all lovey Dovey with me, it's unbelievable to me! Do I confront him or continue to see what he does online -do I leave and find a way to get through the rest of pregnancy and became a single mum or do I try to work it out, it going to be hard as he was going to be the full time carer for the baby whilst I go back to work. I going to be so lonely - I'm so lost and hurt 😔