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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is anyone online please?

112 replies

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 05:25

please someone be online

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macdoodle · 21/06/2007 14:50

Oh hon what a prick I truly know the hurt of seeing some slapper all over your husband like its their right and neither giving a toss how much it hurts - PLEASE just remember no matter what he says THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT and just keep saying it its true xxxx

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 15:10

i have spent the last couple of years being convinced by him that its all my fault and up until last night i believed that. but seeing that trop all over him and giving me a smug grin i knew it was all him. i have done everything to hold my marriage together but last night showed me what marriage? there is nothing left. i hurt like you wouldnt believe and im petrified that i now have to go through my ds operation on y own i hate him for that because i needed him so badly to help me through.

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mumto3girls · 21/06/2007 15:20

sugar34plum...you will get through this without him because if you think back he has not been helping or supporting you through anything...

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 15:26

no he hasnt but that he would have. just want to crawl away and hide from the world right now

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mumto3girls · 21/06/2007 15:40

your friends and parents will help.
whereabouts are you?

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 16:02

im in kent

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moulimoo · 21/06/2007 16:03

sugar, just wanted to add my support. be strong and keep going for the children, they need their mum. have a good birthday for dd and look on it as the start of a new chapter of your life. maybe now everythings out in the open you can start to get your life together again. you sound as if you have family support and that will help. thinking of you,

mylittlestar · 21/06/2007 16:10

oh sugar I can feel how much you're hurting and I'm still very much feeling that way too

they are complete selfish arse holes and I wish that their actions didn't end up hurting so many innocent people

I'm sure that over time the images will fade. and I'm sure that you getting through things like your ds's operation alone will give you the incentive to never want him back. you will prove to yourself you don't need him.

I took ds away alone last week on the family holiday we had planned together. I struggled through the airport with bags, cases, a toddler and pram. I had to ask complete strangers to help me lift the pram up stairs in the railway station. I literally broke my heart crying and sobbed the whole of the first evening.
I felt I couldn't do it alone. but more to the point I didn't WANT to be there alone. I wanted my husband with us.

The next morning I got up, got us ready, and headed into Disney. from the moment ds's eyes lit up seeing minnie mouse as we walked through the entrance I didn't look back. all ds needed was me.
and we had a ball.
even though at times it was hard and lonely. it made me realise that I don't need him. I don't need the person he has become. I will enjoy the love of my child and watch him grow. and over time I will find the person who can love me and be everything I deserve.

it's a tiny step for me. but I hope it helps you to see that gradually, bit by bit, you'll start to realise that you can cope and you deserve much better.

I'm here anytime you want to call or e-mail. I have to go and get ds now. But keep strong. I'm thinking of you xx

mylastrolo · 21/06/2007 16:12

[hugs] to you be strong things can only get better . good luck with birthday tomorrow. know it is going to be so hard if he turns up tomorrow but try and keep calm and in control. As if you don't give a *k. You deserve so much better lol

Dior · 21/06/2007 16:17

Message withdrawn

ginnedupmummy · 21/06/2007 20:46

Message withdrawn

BandofMothers · 21/06/2007 20:54

The CSA wont care, even if he's signed on you're entitled to some of his check. Tell him to start declaring or you'll shop him. You need the money.
Am going back to what you were saying earlier about child ben and him not paying you, so sorry if this seems random. He needs to get a proper job so he can pay you.
Remember it's not for you, it's for the children. And he needs to get his head out his arse and provide for them. Give him fair warning then tell CSA, they will be involved as soon as you claim IS anyway.

Fubsy · 21/06/2007 22:40

Shit Sugar, thats awful. I dont know what to say. MSN or email me on that address if you want to talk.

Eddas · 21/06/2007 23:02

Saw this thread and cannot not post. What a horrible man So glad you punched her, sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Really hope you manage to sort things out

Eddas · 21/06/2007 23:03

just realised that may read like sort things out with him, but no sort things out for you and your dc's. Definately NOT him.

sugar34plum · 22/06/2007 22:48

im finding out more and more each day there are loads more women his even joined a dating by mobile phone. his aunt even texted me today to tell me how gutted she is for me and dc's. Told me to change locks and let him know im serious. That the family pretty much want to wash their hands of him. She also said he told her that no matter what goes on he loves me!!! what a friggin joke! was my baby girls 1st birthday today and we took her to a farm my best mate and me and we saw an actress who used to be in ballykissangel and 90 gegrees north! but he hasnt sent our dd a birthday card a present not even a frigging text say ing give her a kiss from me. i dont even know this man. yet i married him and bore 3 beautiful children with him. im numb at what a vile excuse for a man/husband/ father he is.

OP posts:
Dior · 22/06/2007 22:49

Message withdrawn

mylittlestar · 24/06/2007 15:45

how awful

I don't know what it is that changes these people to the point that we no longer recognise them as the people we married.

Just remember, you will find happiness and walk away with your head held high. Not only will he have to live with the consequences of his actions forever, but people like him will never be happy. He'll mess up every relationship he ever gets. Just try to be glad he can no longer hurt you or mess with your head. xx

Cadders · 24/06/2007 16:26

sugar34plum, I couldn't read this and not post. I really feel for you. You deserve so much better than this pathetic excuse for a man.

Just wanted to let you know that I am in Kent too - Medway. If you were anywhere near me and fancied meeting up, please cat me.

BandofMothers · 24/06/2007 16:33

It seems to me to be testament to what a twunt he is that his family feel this way.
Wonder how many times he's done it before.
Does he just expect that cos he says he loves you regardless of how many other women he dates/shags and how much he hurts you, that you will wait around for him and be there for him. Cos if he does he's a bigger prick than I thought he was.

I hope you at least had a nice day on your dd's birthday, at least she has a mother who loves her enough to be there on her birthday.

Agree with Auntie, change the locks and throw any stuff he may have left there out, or sell it and buy dd a pressie with the proceeds.

sugar34plum · 26/06/2007 09:47

havent changed locks as i took his keys off him anyway. dd had great birthday took her to a farm with my best friend. brought myself a car over the weekend so finance company can have other one back, as he wasnt paying anyway. Wedding rings are off and going to jewellers tomorrow with neighbour to sell them. Still hurting like hell but trying to use it in apositive way ie sorting my life out! thanks for all the messages. I know there is tough times ahead ie what do i do about house etc but the kids and me are going to make it through and come out smiling in the end.

mls you are so right he will never be happy and he will never change but thats his loss not mine!

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mylittlestar · 26/06/2007 10:31

Glad you're doing ok. Things have to get better from here!

Don't know if you saw other thread but meet-up is off for now, postponed until maybe Autumn time when we're all a bit more sorted! Hope that's ok xx

sugar34plum · 26/06/2007 10:34

actually easier as ds has his op 12th july

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mylittlestar · 28/06/2007 08:23

Hi sugar

How are you doing? xx

sugar34plum · 28/06/2007 18:15

not great today.its all starting to sink in and im so scared about ds op. how are you? x

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