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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

is anyone online please?

112 replies

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 05:25

please someone be online

OP posts:

ggglimpopo · 21/06/2007 08:37

Pull yourself up and out of this. If you are sad you are vulnerable. You have every right to be angry.

He has split up a family without a second thought and will do it again, either to you or someone else. Protect yourself and your children, that is your sole responsibily in all this.

I divorced a cheat when my youngest child was under a year old (I had four children). When he found out I was serious he came running back with flowers and empty promises. Too late.

Best thing I ever did.

Original poster

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 08:38

my eldest dd saw it she is 11 she said she deserved it for going off with her dad

OP posts:

BandofMothers · 21/06/2007 08:40

Oh dear, horrible for her to see but at least she will understand that you are not the one doing this,

Original poster

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 08:40

thats what im scared off i know he will try and come back he is very charming and manipulative and i have fallen for it before but i never saw him with anyone and i said t =o him outside do you have any idea how painful that was too see and he said yes its been painful for me not being with you!! hows does it compare

OP posts:

Original poster

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 08:42

she knows that cos he took her mobile out of the car to use.he borrowed it on monday and i took it back last night.

OP posts:

Original poster

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 08:45

his got no money he doesnt have a bank account and i took every bit of clothing he had up then

OP posts:

BandofMothers · 21/06/2007 08:45

yes he seems to realy havebeen hurting, is that why he found some trollop instead of phoning you to tell you he misses you. They really do come out with some shit don't they?
And WHY do they always try to turn it round on you. How is it your fault that he misses you cos he insists on a job that takes him away.
It all smells very suspicious to me. You are well rid, don't fall for it again. Tell him to go and charm his slut if he wants to bullshit someone.

Original poster

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 08:52

im not going to as hurt as i am and i feel very vulnerable and im scared of the future my ds has a major op next montha nd im scared

OP posts:

BandofMothers · 21/06/2007 08:54

Your family will be there for you and you will be there for him. Try and surround yourself with friends. Have you got a good friend who can stay for a couple days while ds is in hospital???

Original poster

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 08:57

my parents are having other kids when i take ds to st thomass in london

OP posts:

Freckle · 21/06/2007 09:03

If you have taken him all his clothes, there is nothing for him to come back for, is there? Could you change the locks and tell him he is no longer welcome in your home?

BandofMothers · 21/06/2007 09:05

What about a friend??

mylittlestar · 21/06/2007 09:11

oh my god mel just seen this

let me read and then get back to you...

do you have my number if you want to call me? shall I e-mail you?

BandofMothers · 21/06/2007 09:15

Mel?? What's your full name??
Did you have a thread last week??

Paddlechick666 · 21/06/2007 09:28

sugar, am gutted to hear this mate.

give yourself some TLC to get over the shock of what's happened.

really glad your parents are coming up, take all the help and support you can get.

almost impossible but put him out of your mind for now.

gotta send my computer for an upgrade now but will check back later.

((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Original poster

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 09:28

bom no i didnt.

mls please email yes.

OP posts:

BandofMothers · 21/06/2007 09:30

Really hope you give him hell when he comes crawling back. I say kick him while he's down there.

Hope you're okay(as you can be)

mylittlestar · 21/06/2007 09:31

sorry - mel referred to an old thread where sugar helped me out (couple of months ago when I first found out about H's affair). not relating to anything recent.

just read it all. am shocked and stunned for you. all I can say is that you now know your doubts and insecurities were all with good reason. you abviously weren't happy because you knew deep down something wasn't right.

I really think in the long run you will be better off without him. Not that it's what you want to hear right now. But look at what he's put you through. Nobody deserves this.

I'm not surprised you punched her tbh

Original poster

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 10:00

i know im better off without him now. Felt for months like i was losing the plot now i know it was real

OP posts:

BandofMothers · 21/06/2007 10:03

Sorry to change the subject, but MLS did I hear you say yesterday that you were breaking up.
So sorry you guys couldn;'t work it out and hope you're okay.

mylittlestar · 21/06/2007 10:24

Hi BoM yes he left (yet again!) and has bought a new car and new flat! Finally have come to my senses that I have to let him go. Really think it will be his loss in the long run. (Devastated, but actually relieved that he can no longer make me unhappy.)

And sugar, that's what I think about your situation too. You've had so many ups and downs, and it looks like he thought he could have his cake and eat it. I really do think he wants you, but he is one of those men who cannot, and will not, stay faithful. You know I'm not one of those who say 'leave him' at the drop of a hat. I'd stay work at things for as long as you can as many relationships are worth saving with that extra bit of effort and communication. Families staying together means a lot to me.

But I'm not sure how you could work through this given the history. Your trust was on the rocks anyway, and this was the time when he should have been proving himself to you. Not doing this!

Sometimes, you're better of being happy and single, than miserable in a relationship. Something I've learnt the hard way!

Original poster

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 10:30

just found out the thing he had an affair with couple years back he re kindled it

OP posts:

tiredemma · 21/06/2007 10:31

the same woman as in the pub?

what a shit.

how can he blame you for any of this?

BandofMothers · 21/06/2007 10:32

I'm all for working on a relationship esp when there are dc's involved, but tho I have not been cheated on, and hopefully never will be, I think that is the line for me.
I have heard a few women on here say that you don't know til it's happened to you, and I don't it's true, but like Sugar said, I wouldn't want him touching me after he'd been with another woman. I would just be thinking of where those hands and lips had been (so sorry if this is distressing to read)
Wouldn't even want to look at him.
I admire a woman who can let that go and forgive it, but I really think it's too big a betrayal to forgive. As is physical violence.

Sounds like he means it this time hey MLS. Buying a flat and all. Lucky him to be able to afford it, should have enough money to give you a lovely big maintenance payment
So sorry tho after all your patience and forgiveness that he couldn't show the same level of commitment.

Original poster

sugar34plum · 21/06/2007 10:32

no a different one

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