Why do so many women marry or partner up with men that are not thoughtful and not great at showing emotion

[LardLizard]

It’s puzzling me

So many men that don’t seem to be great
Don’t do there share
Aren’t able to express emotion

Because society makes single women feel like losers so having a bad man appears to be better than having no man?

Also like to know the answer to this one!

Because they behave differently at the start! You only realise after you’ve got married!!

Probably because when they were little they were told "big boys don't cry". So they hold their emotions in check.
If they are being told this, then it would probably come from a misogynistic household (at a guess) So they grow up doing the manly thing.
It might take a few more generations for it to change.

Loads of reasons: Because we are sold a myth that men are not emotional so see it as normal? Because they appear more emotional at the start then dont bother? Because all people are different and a man who seems a bit less emotional or who doesn’t do strictly 50% of housework doesn’t seem sonething to end a relationship over initially?

Because they’re on their best behaviour until they get their feet under the table, then show their true colours once you’re stuck!

Sometimes it’s to do with the role models they grew up with. It’s their normal.

it's not brain surgery, surely. Women are raised to believe they must be partnered in order to be "ok" - so they look for partners - and the pool of partners available is mostly emotionally stunted men. Because we stunt men emotionally as a matter of course, from their boyhood, punishing them for being emotional etc. Duh....?

Don’t do there share - it may not come up unroll there is more to do, or kids come around....

As to not ‘showing’ emotions - this is TO ME - as a female who doesn’t show much emotions - is 🤷🏻‍♀️....
People are allowed to be different. Your specific level of neediness in expression of emotions coming your way - is YOUR way. It’s not universal standard.
Some need constant compliments - and think it’s a requirement for showing emotions....
Others need X, Y, Z....
And if this isn’t how your partner expresses his/her love - you will feel that they aren’t showing you something you need.
Relationship is a two way street and requires adjustments on both sides.
And if the gap (or difference) is too large - relationship doesn’t work out.

By not showing emotions, I mean more not showing caring like for example of the wife if pregnant or sick or have a tough time etc

I guess there's always the hope of change. Or that they change for the worst after marriage.

So many women also work full time yet do pretty much everything to do with the kids and the home

Women expect men to think like women, and vice versa, they often don't.
Looking at some of the threads on MN, unless they are taking the pi$$ it makes me wonder what the heck some people are on.

My DH is cold because of how bad his past was. Although he doesn't show emotions that much, he's still a really sweet person. Very kind and very caring.
He deserved to be loved even if he isn't a hopeless romantic 🤷🏽‍♀️

I had a v low self esteem and was embarrassed of having been single for so long. I didnt realise it until i left him but i had prioritised appearing happy above being happy. This was a long time ago. Im so different now.

OP - your post it too vague on specific issues with your bf... You clearly are unhappy about smth, but we don’t know what, specifically....

I often find that people expect others know what level if help/support/etc they need and what would be most helpful at the specific momen when you are struggling.....
So - I wonder - rather than expect and get upset - why not be clearer and say - this is what I need...

If you have been clear and he doesn’t WANT to be there for you - that’s a whole other issue.

Because we have a shorter biological clock so we don’t have the same amount of time to be picky.

We are conditioned to accept behaviours that we can only fully appreciate are unacceptable through age and experience.

Patriarchy damages us all.

Do you mind how do you mean

Do you mean biological clock ?

Because part of the mating game is (which biologically is what we are here for) is to impress your mate. This soon wears of after initial courtship . Just watch pigeons if you are in any doubt

There's a theory that - for better or worse - we are attracted to people who fit the template our parents set. That goes for men who partner up with godawful women as much as women who partner up with godawful men. Given men are only now being encouraged to open up emotionally, this suggests we've got a whole generation of emotionally stilted men who's daughters grew up seeing this as "normal" and not a red flag.

It'll change. Gradually. Over time. I'm already amazed that the fact my teenage cousin is a geek doesn't affect his popularity with women his age one bit. Times change.

Just to add: I'm not going to tar 50% of the population with the same brush. There are actually plenty of women who partner up with emotionally mature men. But it's true - we're probably not that widespread because we were told to avoid being so like the plague. Even in the 90s, when I hit my adolescence, brought up by a feminist mother, the message I got was "be an emotionally stunted man but say it's, like, ironic". Even if you are a more sensitive type you don't feel confident about admitting it, try to pretend otherwise, fail and there's nothing more unattractive than not being confident in yourself and trying to be something your not.

DH is thoughtful and caring in a practical.way. He doesn't show his emotions much. I like this about him most of the time. I come from.a family with emorional diorhhea so find the calmness ans lack of drama soothing ( if occasionally frustrating)

I don't think someone has to wear their heart on their sleeve emotionally to.be a good.partner but then I value practical help over ' emotional support anyway so maybe I am not like a lot of other women.