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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

social services involvement due to partners past

93 replies

SS1976 · 15/11/2018 14:47

Hi, just wondered if anyone could maybe give me some advice, perhaps been in this situation before? SO here goes...my son aged 13 went to a football match with his dad a couple of weeks ago, I dropped him at his dads on the morning and everything was fine. Later that night I got a call from a police officer who had arrested his dad and taken mu son into police protection as they had has a call that his dad was under the influence of something and was falling asleep in pizza hut. They dropped my son home with me and said his dad was gonna be charged with child neglect and that they would have to call social services even though they had no issue with me. His dad has had no contact with him since them and I have agreed with SS that this will continue. However as SS are now involved they had to look into myself and my current partner, he has been charged with harassment of an ex partner in the past and had issues of domestic allegations also. I knew about this because for the first 6 months we were together she used to constantly contact me through social media, I never contacted the police and just chose to ignore her. We have never had any issues of this kind and my boys adore him and vice versa. They have now recommended that we have a meeting and the SS has recommended to me that he moves out of the home and has no contact with my son. My son is already going through enough with what has happened with his dad and I don't know what to do now with my current partner, we have just moved in to a new home and we were all settled and happy. Im so scared and confused. Any advice would be appreciated. xx

OP posts:

Lovemademe · 15/11/2018 14:49

What are the domestic allegations?

Lovemademe · 15/11/2018 14:49

How long have you been with your current partner?

RiverTam · 15/11/2018 14:50

why are you involving your DS with a man who has these allegations in his past?

category12 · 15/11/2018 14:51

They don't recommend no contact with children lightly.

You need to do as they tell you.

LIZS · 15/11/2018 14:52

Do you know the nature of the allegations with ex? Did they have children together? How long have you lived together? Has your ds been interviewed about the situation with his dad and perhaps mentioned something which red flagged?

Justmuddlingalong · 15/11/2018 14:53

You're right.
My son is already going through enough with what has happened with his dad
Maybe putting your DS's wellbeing 1st would be a great starting point.

Mrskeats · 15/11/2018 14:54

I have an ex partner whose criminal past nearly ruined my life. Move on. Seriously.

SavageBeauty73 · 15/11/2018 14:54

What was your ex DH on?

I think you need to be clear what the allegations against your new DP are.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 15/11/2018 14:54

You need to do what they say, they must have valid concerns and your son could be placed in foster care if you don't cooperate.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 15/11/2018 14:54

That's a serious thing for ss to say. "Issues of domestic allegations" is a funny way for you to phrase very serious reports of what I'd assume was domestic violence.

He doesn't sound like a prize. Are you really sure you have the full picture?
Hope that everything works out, but most of all that you and your son are able to get the best outcome and support you need

plaidlife · 15/11/2018 14:56

Okay, I am guessing, because you haven't given us much Information that the allegations or convictions against your new partner are pretty serious if social services don't want your DC to live with him. Do you have a clear understanding from social services what the concerns and specific allegations are? You say that his ex partner had told you about some of these, what is your partner's saying about the allegations? How much responsibility is he taking in this? If the meeting hasn't happened to need to go and listen to their concerns, remember that their only concern is your DC's safety. If you choose to stay with your partner I would expect that there will be a period of assessment of your current situation. I would also suggest that you contact woman's aid and look at their freedom program.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 15/11/2018 14:56

Surely if he has been charged with harassment then that’s more than allegations. Was he prosecuted?

namechangeninetynine · 15/11/2018 14:56

Men don't really get charged with harassment for no reason, there needs to be evidence of it.

Going from one man to another, both with allegations suggests to me you might benefit from the freedom programme

Sorry you're going through this though

RoboticMary · 15/11/2018 14:57

Neither of these men seem to be good examples for your sons. I’d be running.m a mile from any man who had allegations of domestic abuse and harassment in his past. What were you thinking? You need to do as the SS tell you.

anniehm · 15/11/2018 14:59

The police will be able to disclose to you their concerns, legislation allows for this - it cannot be unproven allegations so if they do disclose it is serious. Speak with their safeguarding lead who can give you the relevant information you need to satisfy that they have your dc's interest at heart. They don't do this without evidence

LizzieBennettDarcy · 15/11/2018 15:04

Do you really have a choice?

PeonyPetals · 15/11/2018 15:09

I'm sorry to hear you and your son are going through a rough time at the moment. Even though you may love your partner and believe he is a good person, you need to put your son first. If SS services are saying that this is what you should do then you need to do it. At the end of the day a new house just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, only your child. Hope things work out for you and your son.

Bluntness100 · 15/11/2018 15:10

They don't do this lightly, so there is clearly a significant problem with your partner and he poses a potential threat to your kids in their view.

As such, you don't have a choice, it's the kids or him. And if he was half way decent he'd go and not make you make this choice for him

Bluntness100 · 15/11/2018 15:12

I'm also guessing it's more than "allegations". For them to know about it
So we are talking about he was violently abisive to his ex? And then harassed her on top of it?

SparklyMagpie · 15/11/2018 15:15

Sorry but he'd be out on his arse aswell

Actually I'm not sorry for saying that

Your son comes first no matter what

RCohle · 15/11/2018 15:18

You need to do what social services have told you or you risk having your son removed. Your son needs to be your priority, not your partner.

Branleuse · 15/11/2018 15:18

You dont have a choice.
Your children deserve better.

krustykittens · 15/11/2018 15:24

Your new partner needs to go. SS do not make these recommendations lightly and with everything else your son is going through, he needs to know that you put him first.

PeevedOfPortishead · 15/11/2018 15:25

As a mother - what was going through your head to continue a relationship with a man you KNEW was abusive?

Put your son first.

Steelesauce · 15/11/2018 15:26

Well, you sure known how to pick em.

I don't think you have a choice, if you refuse then social will step in and potentially remove your son. Ditch him, no man is worth that.

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