social services involvement due to partners past

[SS1976]

Hi, just wondered if anyone could maybe give me some advice, perhaps been in this situation before? SO here goes...my son aged 13 went to a football match with his dad a couple of weeks ago, I dropped him at his dads on the morning and everything was fine. Later that night I got a call from a police officer who had arrested his dad and taken mu son into police protection as they had has a call that his dad was under the influence of something and was falling asleep in pizza hut. They dropped my son home with me and said his dad was gonna be charged with child neglect and that they would have to call social services even though they had no issue with me. His dad has had no contact with him since them and I have agreed with SS that this will continue. However as SS are now involved they had to look into myself and my current partner, he has been charged with harassment of an ex partner in the past and had issues of domestic allegations also. I knew about this because for the first 6 months we were together she used to constantly contact me through social media, I never contacted the police and just chose to ignore her. We have never had any issues of this kind and my boys adore him and vice versa. They have now recommended that we have a meeting and the SS has recommended to me that he moves out of the home and has no contact with my son. My son is already going through enough with what has happened with his dad and I don't know what to do now with my current partner, we have just moved in to a new home and we were all settled and happy. Im so scared and confused. Any advice would be appreciated. xx

You have to ask? SS Are probably doing you a favour ffs get rid.

You brought a man with a history of domestic abuse into your children's lives? Time to listen to the experts.

You have to put your son first.

It sounds as if social services have a full picture of the alleged allegations (perhaps prosecution of domestic violence) and are trying to protect your son from a credible threat. Maybe meet with ss and ask for proof of the prosecution/alleged allegation.

Maybe you should have listened to his ex. I would be looking into a claire's law disclosure if I were you. The law doesn't charge people with harassment with no evidence, and 'domestic allegations' basically means he was violent.

SS will not go lightly if you keep contact with your current partner, if you allow him around your son and they find out then he and your other child could be taken into care. Even if you want to keep your relationship, right now that has to go on the back burner and your son needs you to provide stability, not your partner.

Your son comes first. Simple.
I have first hand experience of this. I was advised by social services to do a Sarah's Law check on my most recent expartner

He was accused of something which was on file. It was enough for me and I broke up with him there and then.

To a certain extent it doesn't matter what the proof is, if social services have decided that this man poses a risk to your children and they have because they have told you he should have no contact, they will move forward on the basis that you are failing to protect your children if you continue to allow them to have contact.
That doesn't mean that the first step is taking your children into care, it does mean that you can't get rid of social services by ignoring them because it is a potential safeguarding issue.

Put your son first. Ss don’t say stuff like that for the fun of it.

if there is nothing to hide, then there is nothing to worry about. Social services are there to safeguard a child's welfare. You need to see it from their perspective that they are acting in the best interests of your child

I'd say that your current partner's past is a lot murkier than he's told you.

If Social Services are that worried about your current partner, then I think you'd be well advised to ask him to leave immediately.
Do you know the full extent of his past issues? They must be really serious.
I suggest you meet with SS as soon as you can in order to protect your boys. They do not need this man's influnce in their lives.
Also, you might want to see about getting help for yourself, or at least looking into why you are repeatedly picking these highly inappropriate partners

You need to listen to SS and ask your partner to move out before they start taking measures to remove your children from you.

You need to do the Freedom Programme to work out why you've chosen 2 men like this.

Sounds like you a simple choice. Keep your man or your child. I know what my decision would be.

Out of curiosity, have the SS/police said exactly was this man has done?

You imply that you believe your DP is innocent - how do you know that?

I’m sorry but you have to do what social services are telling you to do, if you refuse to do so they will look at it as you not putting your son first and putting him at risk. Why would you be with someone that has been in trouble for harassment and other alagations? My ex had the same kind of history except he didn’t tell me, he went on to be abusive to my eldest daughter and when I asked him to leave he continued to harass me and make are lives a living hell, he was arrested and charged. If I had known he had done this before I could have protected myself and my dd.

Does the dp live with you

I knew about this because for the first 6 months we were together she used to constantly contact me through social media, I never contacted the police and just chose to ignore her.

So you never actually spoke with her, right? Makes me wonder exactly what she wanted to tell you or what her messages were. Was she trying to warn you off him?

At any rate, common wisdom is that when SS tells you to do something, you do it and then try to straighten things out later, with legal help if needed. So your partner does need to leave, at least for the time being.

At 13 I was pretty independent and going about on my own or with friends. If similar had happened to me I'd have simply called my mum to come get me or made my own way home if it wasn't too far. How is he feeling about what happened? Has this sort of thing happened before?

To be arrested for harassement there needs to be a lot of evidence, I wouldn’t have thought he was innocent, I had to put up with texts, emails, phone calls and stalking for weeks before the police could arrest him.

Why did SS do a check?

When DP’s kids were placed with us whilst they investigated their Mum, SS never even asked for my name. They weren’t interested in anything other than making sure SC didn’t have contact with their Mum.

Seems strange that they automatically did a check on you both given they were dealing with your ex’s issues.

Stepmug that’s odd, they usually do a police check when placing kids with someone else, had to have mine done when they wanted to place my ex’s kids with us (not with him anymore, see above post). It could have been that OP’s ex (ds’s Dad) sad something or someone else has raised concerns.

It could simply be that it is good practis to gain all of the details of adults living in the house and when they inputed them into their system OP's partner was already known to them.

Cooperate with SS, don't try to fight your DP's corner, he can do that.

This may be a blessing in disguise. Had you been with him long? Some men only show their worst sides once they are truly settled in a family, sometimes after marriage or a baby. It's hard to get a view of the full picture without knowing the people involved, but with SS worried about two of your partners, I would highly recommend you follow their instructions, remind yourself that you are protecting your children and ensuring they stay with you, and also consider staying single for a good while. Focus on yourself and your dc's. I hope this phase passes quickly.

How long since you met your new partner?

You need to listen to SS - they wouldn't do this lightly

Why would you get into a relationship with someone who had that in his past? Did you not believe his ex, or something? I think social services are going to want to know the answer to that question!

What had your ex taken, that he was falling asleep? Just drunk? Or drugs?

I wonder if your DP's ex partner kept trying to contact you as she wanted to warn you about him? I know that if my ex gets into a new relationship and she has children, I will want to warn her about what he was like with our children.

Are you aware of how serious the harm/abuse has to be before SS say there has to be no contact? It is not something they do lightly at all. Please ask him to move out NOW, and then arm yourself with all the information from all sources before you do anything further. In your shoes, I would be talking to the ex partner and finding out more. He will have told you one version of events - I'd bet everything I have that it is not the correct version.