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Original poster

My boyfriend's ex is keeping the baby he never wanted. How do I deal with it?

122 replies

Bhengu02 · 14/11/2018 23:33

I met my boyfriend a year ago...although we liked each other we had a connection since then but during that time we were both healing from our previous relationships. So we began as friends never got intimate, just friends. We were going on dates with other people until more like seeing other people to get over our exes. Then months later we decided to be exclusive with each other because our connection is just our of this world, it feels so right. So perfect. Then months down the line I recieved a message from a woman he was seeing after his bad break up... Asking me if I am in a relationship with my boyfriend and if I knew that she's expecting his child...I was so torn. With that information I asked him about her and the story she tells me. He admitted that they were together although things were rocky between the two and they seemed to be sex partners more than being in a relationship and didn't break things off formally because he thought they weren't exclusive, also went ahead saying that she did suspect that she could be pregnant by him...and that he told her he doesn't want the child and asked her what were her thoughts and how she felt about it but apparently she went ahead just saying "okay"... So they started planning to terminate the pregnancy. I asked the woman if what he said was true but she didn't say exactly what was going on instead she sent screen shots of conversations between both of them. And in those screen shots there wete conversations saying they planning to terminate and (according to me) evertyime she would talk to him he responds in a manner that shows no interest in the relationship they had...so then he officially broke up with her. And she kept quiet.

Now a few days ago my boyfriend's mother got a phone from his ex's aunt about her pregnancy. My boyfriend got so mad at the fact that she went quiet is along knowing they agreed on not keeping the pregnancy.

Now I told him that no matter what she decides I'll support him because I love him so much . I am well aware of how things will turn out to be once the baby arrives because I am a mother myself and I'm co parenting with my ex fiance. What puzzles me is that how do I deal with this whole situation. Because his ex just decided to keep the pregnancy without him knowing... Could she be doing this for revenge? Because shen he asks her why she kept it... Her reasoning kept on changing and not being straight forward. "the religion doesn't allow it" or "its too late to terminate now" or "her health"...

OP posts:

puzzledlady · 15/11/2018 10:10

Wake the fuck up OP?!?! You don’t actuallh believe your wonderful bf do you? He tried to force someone to have an abortion? What a catch......

Wannabeyorkshirelass · 15/11/2018 10:10

Nobody agrees with their ex gf/ex shag that she'll terminate the pregnancy and then doesn't check whether that actually went ahead. Is he seriously expecting you to believe that he just ASSUMED she wasn't pregnant anymore? He's treating you like you're stupid.

Also, check the timeline.

TwistedStitch · 15/11/2018 10:12

So he told her he wanted her to terminate and then just expected her to trot along obediently and do so, alone, so that he could move on unimpeded with you. Only the actual human being who would have to go through with an unwanted abortion didn't play ball. What a prince he is. Good luck, you'll need it!

CandyCreeper · 15/11/2018 10:15

Yawn! this has been posted before.

Trinity66 · 15/11/2018 10:16

You boyfriend sounds like a duck

and you'd be quackers to stay with him

user1481840227 · 15/11/2018 11:46

This reflects very badly on your boyfriend.
If they agreed to terminate did he offer to help in any way? I'm not sure how abortion works in the UK as I don't live there, did he offer money towards the cost or to travel with her etc?
Did he not think to check how she was afterwards?
or did he just have a conversation where they agreed to terminate, then end it with her completely, and then never bother to even check up on her and she how she felt afterwards?

eggncress · 15/11/2018 11:55

It’s nothing to do with you. He’s going to be a dad and I hope he faces up to his responsibilities. But he may wipe his hands of them in which case do you really want to be with him cos he could do the same to you?

As for “keeping the baby for revenge” is this something you’d do?
If so what kind of mother do you think you’d be ?

Have you even thought of the emotional implications of going through a termination or are you one of those people who readily say “get rid of it” without a second thought ?

TemptressofWaikiki · 15/11/2018 12:45

He sounds like a real prince among men. Others are more charitable with you. But personally, I think you sound rather horrendous too, actually taking this sort of stance against this woman. WTF is wrong with you as a mother yourself that you would stoop so low and spout such bollocks about another woman having a baby for revenge. I think you have your own motives to believe all of your BF’s bullshit because there was a big overlap when he was still sleeping with this woman and you resent her for it. You actually deserve each other!

pusspuss9 · 15/11/2018 16:04

My Kingdom, you say 'how dare he question her motives' then you say ' A baby is a massive lifelong and life changing commitment,'.

so of course anybody would question the motives of somebody expecting such a commitment.

If I understood to OP correctly her boyfriend and his Ex had agreed a termination but then she showed up saying she is still pregnant and expects commitment from him. Of course he's going to ask what her motives are. Of course he should have taken precautions, and this post is not to defend his actions, but I'm definitely defending his right to ask why she did not go ahead with their original agreement, especially when it has such far reaching consequences for him (and her).

IrianOfW · 15/11/2018 16:08

No-one goes through pregnancy, gives birth and brings up a baby as a single parent, for revenge!! I think your boyfriend is a bit of a dick. And if he doesn't want babies he could take care of his own contraception.

IrianOfW · 15/11/2018 16:09

And she doesn't have to give her reasons to anyone!

pusspuss9 · 15/11/2018 16:22

Wednesdaypig
'It seems ridiculous in our enlightened, sex-educated times that some men STILL don't take any responsibility for contraception.'

If you want to be absolutely sure, the woman has to do it herself. Enlightened or not, basic common sense applies - it's such a lifelong commitment with such serious consequences you can only rely on yourself, not somebody else.

Trinity66 · 15/11/2018 16:28

If she doesn't want the baby but this woman obviously did want the baby, it was the man in this situation who didn't want it therefore he should have used protection

pusspuss9 · 15/11/2018 16:34

Trinity - that is of course a different situation. Agree with what you say.

PerverseConverse · 15/11/2018 16:35

Has OP been back or is this another drop and run thread? Seems to be quite a few lately.

pusspuss9 · 15/11/2018 16:40

That of course opens up a whole new can of worms - you could say tricking somebody into being a father because you need somebody to financially support you and the baby for the next 18 years is not Ok, however it is still the responsibility of the man then to take precautions. That's true I hadn't thought of that. Also interesting post earlier on in this thread asking whether this guy really is the father of her baby or if others were involved (asking this because of the weird timing issues)

Antigon · 15/11/2018 16:42

You had an 'out of this world' and 'perfect' connection with a man who was shagging around with his ex during a break from you and who didn't even check to see how his ex was after a supposed abortion? Yeah right.

And what kind of man doesn't even think to check if his ex is still pregnant with his baby or had an abortion?!

Looks like you're not coming back to the thread because you expected people to agree the ex is having the baby out of revenge but I hope you take pp advice and run.

Shriek · 15/11/2018 20:24

Why is everyone taking to absent OP?

...and this has been posted before.

LightningOne · 15/11/2018 20:47

This is ridiculous OP. Seeing as you're no longer with the father of your child (i.e. similar situation to your bf's pregnant ex - I know the seriousness of the relationship may be different though but either way, similar outcome in the end), would you wish you had a termination back then based on what you know now? I'm guessing and hoping your answer is NO so why expect another woman to do so? I'm sure you're feelings for your bf are clouding your judgement regarding this situation so not laying all the blame on you.

Shriek · 15/11/2018 20:50

OP gone

user1457017537 · 15/11/2018 20:53

He’s a Prince

cushioncovers · 15/11/2018 21:01

Op is long gone. Don't think she was getting the answers she wanted.

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