Every man I meet for a date becomes obsessed with me

[whatchasay]

This is going to sound vain. Could never admit this IRL.

Every man I meet for a date ends up obsessing over me. Every man bar one, to be precise. I have dated a lot over the last year.

I am fed up. Im not some supermodel! Im 34, generally attractive I guess, but nothing out of the ordinary. I am pretty good at conversation and can engage with people quite quickly. I have a good job and my own life and friends, own home.

I like my own space but desperately want to settle down and have a family.

I just keep meeting people who seem like they cannot wait to see me again after one date. I dont sleep with these people by the way. It is just a date. Then they text and we meet again and before I know it they are wanting to know if we are exclusive etc, when i can next see them, texting constantly.

I feel fed up. Just want to meet a sensible, nice man who I am also into. Maybe i just havent met someone i properly like yet? ive been on SO many dates, maybe met 30 people in the last year. the same thing happens everytime.

Then that’s probably it.

Maybe change things up a bit. Sit back a little. Let the guy take charge and direct the conversation for a while. If he’s odious and talking nonstop about himself stop asking questions for a bit. Be willing to display how you honestly feel, if you’re getting a bit bored or something he’s said doesn’t sit right Show it. Let him see more of the real you, obviously keep your guard up and put your best foot forward but stop trying to be a perfect stepford date. You have nothing to lose.

It became a running joke amongst my friends how I’d get messages saying it was an amazing evening and they wanted to see me again and what did I think, when I reality I’d found him so dull and had zero intentions of ever meeting up with him again.

You have to bear in mind too, if you act confidently and are the ‘perfect date’, not everyone is like that, and the guy will likely have been on other dates that were awful, awkward, neither party knew what to say, either of them were so nervous they were shaking, they might have been stood up, had years since anyone was interested in them. So a woman showing up who is fun and chatty and at ease and having a nice evening might seem like jackpot. Not everyone you date will have as many options as you sadly.

I bet if you shagged them sooner you wouldn't have this issue.

I can categorically confirm as somebody absolutely no stranger to first date sex that it generally makes zero difference. If anything, they just up the keenness.

Hey OP,

Would be interesting to hear how you want a guy to behave after a date?

I am the one on the opposite side to you. I usually message the next day and probably do come across as overly keen to set up another date but it's usually because I have liked you and want to see you again.

FYI I'm not one of those who wants to be in a relationship after a few dates and wouldn't dream of using the word 'hun' or expect to spend a weekend with them but of course if I like someone then I would want to see them again.

As you were, blackchina, as you were

Perhaps they just find the humble brag irresistible?

Christ people are twats. If this is a real problem why shouldn’t OP discuss it? Do women have to pretend they’re undesirable and act coy or face being judged?

Actually it’s probably more like very thinly concealed jealousy.

ive not shagged any of them.

that takes a few months with me and i make that clear from the outset!!

Yes yes yes we are ALL 'JEALOUS' because no man has ever fancied us.

And we have always wanted to date 30 men in the space of 12 months and have them hassle and hound us for a shag!

Poor old ugly hags we all are. SOOOOOOOOOO jealous of the OP.

#facepalm

'Christ people are twats'

Translation: 'people think differently to me and have the audacity to voice views that I don't like.'

blackchina not sure i understand the point of your post?

clearly on an anonymous forum i am not out to make women feel jealous?

insecure much?

I found a few men can be like that. Some of them, I think, really mean it. Just like some women do, they rush in blindly thinking the relationship is much further along than it is. They suggest weekends away for a third date, or accompanying them to weddings or meeting parents within a couple of weeks. They don't seem to want to take their time. A lot of them suddenly wake up a month in (if you stick with them) and decide you're not the one for them and it isn't quite right, then drop you like a hot stone.

Much better to go a little slower!

and i specifically said i am no supermodel... or is concentrating on the content of a post by another woman not a skill of yours, either?

Ignore the nastiness OP. As you can see from the relevant replies you’ve had so far this isn’t a problem only you’ve faced!

Insecure much blackchina?

Not me honey. And nothing I have said indicates that. But you keep telling yourself that women on here who are voicing views and opinions (that you don't like,) are insecure and jealous if it makes you feel better

I hit a raw nerve with (and several other posters) I think.

*I hit a raw nerve with YOU and several other posters!

Blackchina what exactly is your opinion on this?

ignore the people being honest and telling the truth.

Fixed that for you.

@mookatron I already stated my thoughts in my first post. Try reading the thread!

OK well if your thoughts are just that it's men wanting a shag, fine. It's an opinion shared by others on this thread anyway. I'm not sure who you think is 'disagreeing with your opinion' other than those telling you not to be so rude to someone who is able to admit she is attractive and men fancy her. She didn't say no one else on the site is attractive.

I think @PollyPelargonium52 has it. Many of them might be purely after sex, didn't get it, and now want it, because they were nice to a woman for an hour on a date after all. Tell them you don't want to see them again.

Dating is such a minefield and if you actually encounter somebody who is nice and normal I guess it's easy to get over keen. It's also easy to get used to being messed around by people e.g. ghosted, strung along etc and to get a bit overly defensive when somebody tells you they're into you (even if it is a bit heavy handed). I sent my now fiance packing when he went OTT after our second date. He talked me round though and I'm so pleased he did!

It's about the guy feeling secure. If you thought the date went well, tell them you think they're nice but that they have to cool it down as they're scaring you off and you want to take things slow. Then suggest a date for a week in the future and say you're really busy and that you won't have time to chat in the meantime but that you're looking forward to seeing them then. Have to make them feel secure enough to back off a bit.

🤣
Lots of you sound about 12!
op didn’t even boast in her first post, she painted herself as pretty. So mild.
Yet... all the bitchyness came flooding in- as usual.
Sorry,op no advice, l’ve been married 25years- but what you’ve described sounds annoying and difficult to fix.

Interesting. First dates are a bit like job interviews - it sounds like you are very good at them, the way you communicate, the way you respond to what they say. Not artificial at all - just you have good social skills and its a matter of course for you to respond well in conversations. May be worth 'rolling the dice' on a few of these men and see if they calm down a bit in their reaction to you - learning you are human, not the perfect creation presented in the first dates. It also may be worth upping the initial criteria? So make your profile very clear and specific, not focused on what men might be looking for but make it clear what YOU are looking for. Decide what you want from a date and only go out with the ones you really really fancy. When you are strongly attracted to someone its less of a turn-off when they send you multiple texts saying 'what a spark we have' :).