Afternoon date (sixth date) rather than evening - is it a bit odd?

[RubyN]

Posted previously about seeing a guy who is a virgin and last time I saw him said he wanted to slow things down. He also said he wasn't sure he was ready for a relationship but really likes me & is happy with where things are going. I'm not desperate to leap into another relationship either so this is ok for the moment & I love spending time with him.

But this weekend he has asked me for an afternoon date? Now suddenly I'm wondering if he's dating someone else in the evening OR if its his way of keeping me at arm's length. I mean, we had a heavy make out session on the last date, but had work the next day. The fact he is not asking me to meet in the evening, an obvious time to increase intimacy a little after the date, makes me wonder how interested he actually is.

And yet he has been in contact every day. I actually decided to take some space this week and he called me more! Am I being stupid, do I need to just go with the flow or is it weird?

I think you are probably overthinking things!

That said it sounds like he has been clear that he wants to take this slow, so perhaps he does want to slow it down a bit after last time and this is his way to not feel rushed?

What's the date? Is there not a possibility if it lasting through til night? Or has he given a specific timeframe? If so, what did he say?

What will you be doing on your afternoon date?

From what you've posted before would be fairly certain he's not seeing anyone else in the evening, I think even one woman is scary for him. 😉 I would guess he's happy with the going out, chatting etc but wants to keep physical side slow.

I think sometimes a daytime date can be a sign that things are progressing to "couple" territory rather than just a date iyswim.

However, as you already know he has some issues with intimacy it does seem like he's trying to make sure nothing happens.

I don't think that's necessarily a problem though, as you've already said you're enjoying his company and want to take things out of slowly yourself. Personally, although I realise its old fashioned, I think it's good to get to know each other first.

So far he has just asked if I can meet Friday afternoon.

Admittedly I am a bit bummed. I have never been in a situation where the guy has wanted to take it slow. Of course I understand if he's sticking to taking it slow, but I do wonder if things are actually ever going to progress at this point. Last time, things were getting hot and heavy in public, and for me that's for closed doors only.

From what say you, he doesn’t want to rush into sex, and thinks an afternoon date signals this more clearly than an evening one where spending the night together is more of a possibility?

From what you say, sorry. I am not Yoda.

Hmm, getting passionate in public and squeezing you in on a Friday afternoon. I think I might have changed my mind. Is it possible he's a married man, maybe wrestling with his conscience and convincing himself he's doing nothing wrong? . Have you seen where he lives?Where is he proposing you go on Friday?

Might also be financially easier. He may have to have early nights to sleep during the week for work. I’d not worry so much.

Maybe he is expecting to spend Friday evening with you too.

Is this the guy who is a virgin and issues around this, also has anxiety issues, says he doesn't want a proper relationship with you and will be moving overseas soon?

A married man? Absolutely no chance! At all. He just moved into a new place yesterday and sent me photos of it.

Yeah so I am wondering if he's 1) simply trying to slow things down or 2) 'squeezing' me in, as Bestseller suggests. It would seem weird as he calls me frequently during the week.

I do feel old. Six dates seems very early to be contemplating sleeping with someone to me, never mind lamenting the fact it hasn't happened yet.

It sounds like you need to decide if you want to hang around while he sorts out his issues. It wouldn't be wrong if you decide you don't

I think it feels odd because we already went to bed together. Not sex, but other sexual things. Its like being back at square one.

As I said, I'm happy not rushing things but a part of me does wonder whether things will progress or not.

Yup, this is the guy you only posted about a few days ago.
Nope, an afternoon date is not strange for someone that has told you he likes you but does not want a relationship.

Protest all you like, but you obviously want more and are desperate to over analyse this into a real, adult relationship. Christ knows why, he has more issues than my local newsagent

Ruddygreattiger, what is confusing me is that this week he has called me every day (as in, he has stepped up communication majorly). To me, this is certified boyfriend behaviour. Given he said he wanted 'casual' I find this a little odd .

I dunno - I don't really want a full blown relationship right now because I'm not quite ready but I also don't like the thought of being held at arm's length indefinitely. Thanks for the newsagent analogy - v funny ;D

So, neither of you really want a relationship then. That will save you a lot of wasted time and angst.

It's not that I don't want one. I don't feel quite ready for one, because I was badly hurt before. I don't like the fact my ex leave a bad taste in my mouth/things to work through. This guy was also hurt by a previous gal before.

That said, I am probably more ready than he is. I don't see previous heartbreak as a reason to hold people at arm's length, as you'd never be truly happy! This has been great for me overall because I've learned how to be vulnerable again & it has boosted my confidence. I just get confused when he gets hot and heavy then tones things down again soon after...

In my experience, a bloke who blows hot and cold is really only keeping you in a holding pattern until someone better comes along.

I think you will probably have a better idea after Friday - if your date ends up going through to the evening (whether or not there are sexy times), then chances are he really is just biding his time. However if you end up at home on Friday watching Graham Norton on your tod, then I would be questioning if its worth the brain space!

I think an afternoon date, where there is no sex on the cards, sounds quite nice.

At least you know he enjoys your company and likes you and isn't just after 'one thing'!

It does sound like he is true to his word and wants to keep things at a nice slow pace.

Well it has happened previously. Where we met in the afternoon & ended up staying out all evening. But I have a feeling he might have evening plans, we'll see.

I mean, RedVelvet, it IS nice to know that as long as he is actually interested in getting more intimate again sometime soon. It's actually not even just about the sex. Its about the fact I'd rather be cuddled up, kissing each other in a private space without the watchful eyes of others, especially in hibernation season! )

also maybe TMI but I had NO sex drive whatsoever for 6 months after the break up. It really freaked me out, as had never happened before.

Then suddenly I meet this guy and it reappears with a vengeance - except he wants to take it slow. Oh the torture..

If he says he doesn’t want a relationship then don’t get in a pseudo relationship with him. A few months down the line he will be texting every day, seeing you regularly and sleeping with you. He can then walk away/sleep with someone else/back off entirely with communication and when you complain he will use the magic words “but I said I didn’t want a relationship” I have been there several times because I learn slowly

If you want to spend more time together and be intimate and are annoyed he could be dating someone else it sounds suspiciously like you are indeed very keen for this to be a relationship. I would walk away if he is saying no. Don’t let him fuck around with you