I googled a date and now he won't talk to me

[IndieTara]

Looking for some perspective from you nice people. This is likely to be long. Sorry.
I've been seeing somebody for 5 short weeks, we met on OLD.

We messaged for a couple of days, spoke on the phone and decided to meet up 3 days later. It was Instant chemistry when we met.

For context on OLD over the last couple of years I've been catfished 3 times, stood up numerous times and had guys turn up to dates who looked nothing like their photos. So It's fair to say I'm wary. He also knew about all of this.

After we met up I looked up his FB profile ( he'd mentioned his surname ) which was completely locked down with only a profile photo visible.

So I also googled him. I found a press release with a quote in it from him, this confirmed he worked where he said he did.

I also found an entry on Companies House, this gave an address and a date of birth. I was able to deduce that it was likely to be him, which confirmed he lived in the area he said he did and also confirmed the age thé dating site said he was.

Given my past OLD issues I found this information hugely reassuring as I liked him and it meant I could relax a bit and start to get to know him.

Cut to Sunday night just gone, he phoned me, we were having a laugh and a chat and the subject of birthdays came up as it was mine in the next couple of days. I don't know why I did it but I dropped into the conversation that I knew his date of birth and it all ended up with me confessing that I'd googled him after out first date. He seemed fine with it during our conversation and we went on to arrange a 5th date for this Saturday coming.

I went to bed and sent a short goodnight text on WhatsApp( we've got into the habit of goodnight and good morning messages )

Next morning I saw the message hadn't been delivered to his phone or read and just knew it was because of my googling admission.

He sent me a message yesterday morning saying I'd fucked everything up by googling him and he'd only ever been honest with me.
I was really surprised at his reaction given he was fine during our conversation the night before.
I fully expect to be googled by anyone I go on a date with and have no problem with it.

I google lots of people, my new landlord most recently ( given that I'm handing over a large sum of money to him every month ) that kind of thing. Never for nefarious purposes.

Obviously I've apologised for doing this and explained my reasons behind it but he won't talk to me now. I know I can't make him but feel its an over reaction on his part. Doesn't everyone do this? These are information records on the internet that are public, anyone can access them.

Plus I'm gutted I've seemingly ruined a possible relationship with the first man I've liked in quite a while.

I think it's totally okay to Google someone you've met via OLD. It's a safety check kind of thing.

At some point down the line you might let them know, but not when things are very new and, just as you don't know him very well, he also knows virtually nothing about you.

Then you drop into the convo that you've been looking him up and know his DoB. That just sounds creepy, even though when you think about it logically, it's not.

Some people can be really funny about you revealing you know things about them, many seem oblivious to the info that's freely available online - such as the Companies House stuff, which like others have mentioned, is pretty much the first result if someone is or has been a Director.

You’ve done nothing wrong and dodged a bullet if he had such a massive overreaction to something like this!

I used OLD, met a lovely guy. Told my mum about him like you do...

She looked him up on LinkedIn (where it obviously tells you who is looking at your profile) and then accidentally liked a 3 year old post on twitter

He found it hilarious and offered to bring his qualifications round when he met her.

I married him because that is how a normal human should react to these kind of things.

Lucky escape! For you, not him.

I'd be grateful - sounds like you've had a lucky escape!

Maybe he thinks that you’ve looked at his company accounts online so can see if he is making or losing money via the business.

Did you tell him it was Companies House you got the DoB info from, OP?

You did nothing wrong by Googling him. The only mistake, perhaps, depending on how you look at it, was telling him. On the other hand, one might argue, it's good that you know what an OTT, theatrical, dummy spitter he is now rather than several months/years down the line. 🍼

It's a good precaution to Google someone. He could be the local psycho with a rap sheet for GBH or Class drug dealing as long as your arm. So could you, for all he knows. But the chances of him being beaten up/raped/murdered by you are considerably slimmer than the chances of him doing that to you. And if he can't wrap his tiny brain around that logic, then fuck him. Or not, in this case.

It would really creep me out if a man I'd just met and liked told me he'd found out my date of birth by googling.
Irrational perhaps but the thought of someone searching online for details about me would be a complete turn off.

@MyBrexitIsIll why don't they expect it? I think from almost all reactions on here it's a very common thing to do and I certainly expect to be googled by any potential date.

I looked at Companies House purely because it popped up in the search results. I didn't go online with the express intention of searching his accounts.

Ive done nothing wrong. My mistake was in being honest and telling him

A quick google I think most people do it but it’s creepy as fuck so you don’t admit to it

Why is it creepy? A quick Google might save lives in some cases. Or at the very least, wallets.

I'd be really flattered if someone googled me, as I only google someone I really am interested in.

If you don’t want people to search your details online then don’t put them online.

You can’t avoid companies house ( if you are a director ) but you can stop most of the rest. Honestly , are people really that naive ?

It would really creep me out if a man I'd just met and liked told me he'd found out my date of birth by googling.
Irrational perhaps but the thought of someone searching online for details about me would be a complete turn off.

See I think this really comes down to the guy. On paper it sounds quite creepy I suppose but when my partner told me he'd done it after our first date I just thought it was kind of sweet. I felt really comfortable with him and his intentions were genuine. He told me about it straight away and we had a laugh about it
There are however some guys I've chatted with on OLD who it would totally creep me out with.
OP I still think his reaction says a lot and you've had a lucky escape

It should be a non-issue. Everybody Googles before OLD; it’s a basic self preservation tactic. This man’s reaction is disproportionate which suggests he’s either new to OLD or he has something to hide.

Sounds like he's hiding something to me too - that was my first thought before I read the comments.

My son has met a girl OLD and after talking for three months flew across the country (over 2000 miles) to meet her and her family. At dinner the parents told him that another family member had done a complete criminal background check on him with good results. My son wasn't bothered at all.

In the past as soon as he meets a girl online they immediately become FB friends so they can check out each other's profiles. I think the girls like to see the ex's.

As i said befire it’s nit because they dont expect it.
But if you are, like me, very careful about what you put in public places, the. You dint expect someone coming up with your date of birth.
And you will assume that, to get that sort of information, that person had to dig deep.

Talking about myself, my FB profile is totally private. There is no town or dob on it.
I’ve been known to put a false dob in some websites too.
So you wouod find some info that are professional (my business) and that’s it.
A dob is quite personal instead.

Fwiw i has someone I knew through a hobby doing that. Her aim was clearly to check me out and JUDGE. My website, my work etc etc
I can’t say that, as ‘normal’ it can be to check people on google be, it actually covered her in glory. Esp when you do with said person in the same room than you.

Best off out of it if you ask me.

You say he was fine when you told him on the night but got a nasty response the next day after a bit of ignoring.

Slow boiler or perpetually on simmer, you really don't want one of those.

Usually found with with either a totally unresponsive or sour piss face on them when you least expect it and you have to expend tremendous amounts of mental and emotional energy trying to discover what you did or said that "displeased" them this time.

A good childhood friend of mine was taken advantage of by a professional fraudster. Wasn't who he said he was, stole her car, cards, cheque book and money (far longer storey than this), she was almost homeless as he took her half of the rent every month, but didn’t pay the rent. Turns out he was an escaped convict and was doing this to a number of women. A long string of women. also setting up businesses and defrauding people that way too. He has since been found, arrested, back in jail for original fraud offences and soon to be tried for those discovered during his run from the law.

She is seeing someone new now and many, many people have asked her if she has checked him out/background check. You can’t be too careful these days.
By all means check out who you’ll start dating. Just don’t let them know for a while that you have done so (unless pops up in some bizarre conversation).

I would expect to be Googled if I was on oLD and I would always Google especially since my friend saw my pic on Plenty of fish, he knew it wasn't really me and none of the info on the profile matched up like name age etc.. he got it reported and taken down and although I was shocked he said it happens a lot and he's been catfished loads.

As PP said, everyone does it. No one admits to it. I would be freaked if someone confessed to knowing this, to be honest. Lesson learnt and move on.

I agree completely with worridmum
If this was a woman saying a man she met on line dating had googled her dob and address you lot would be going batshit and telling her to phone the police

You've had a near miss. Complete overreaction on his part. Unless he is very new to old.

If I was googling someone I'd be thorough like you. He must have something to hide to react like this.

I've googled people that I've just met. Doesn't everyone? It's a bit like FB noseying. Maybe not in depth but if it's in the public domain, it's out there. It's not hard to find out where someone lives, their birth date, whether they are company directors and how much they sold/bought a house for. You don't even have to search on Companies House - sometimes a link will appear on the first page of google results - click on it and voila! I'm no detective, not even an amateur sleuth so if I can do it, anyone can! My DC thinks it's a bit stalkerish when I googled their friend's parents where they went for a sleepover (I didn't know them at all and had a few pangs of doubt whether I should let my YR7 DD stay over at a stranger's).

In the five weeks we've been dating hes been to my house twice so he wouldn't have needed to check up on where I live!

If this was a woman saying a man she met on line dating had googled her dob and address you lot would be going batshit and telling her to phone the police

No, I wouldn't. I can't imagine a man wants to fall foul of a rum 'un either. It's good sense.