Can you cheat on someone you love?

[twinsrunmylife]

Recently found out my partner is cheating on me. I honestly had no idea and really believed him when he said he loved me. My sister and friends say I need to completely cut him out my life. I've always been under the impression you couldn't cheat if you love someone but it felt so real with him so I'm beginning to question those thoughts. Do any of you have any experience of this? Do you think it's possible to cheat and still be in love with the person you're cheating on?

Love... maybe, respect...no, care for.. no.
This person doesn't deserve your time or love. If he genuinely was in love with you, cared for you and respected you he would not do that

No I don't believe it.

I honestly think if someone had love, care and respect for their partner they would never cheat, no matter the circumstance.

Something has gone badly wrong if they do.

We are all human and I know people can be tempted, but following through on that urge is a choice, and if you truly loved someone, you would choose not to.

My view.

@hewhinessoshewines interesting we both chose the same words at the same time.

Love, respect, care.

@twinsrunmylife, I'm really sorry but you do deserve someone who can give you these unconditionally.

Not what I consider love. But Then love is hard to define.

For me love includes respect. Both ways. If dp cheated on me I would know he doesn't respect me. I would no longer respect him.

My heads just such a mess right now but I know you're right I deserve better than this. I thought running away to my mums for a couple of nights would make me see what I need to do but I honestly don't know and need to go home

Yes.

I love my DH. My AP loves his DW.

But... sometimes you need more.

Yes

@VirtuallyConfused does you DH know? Also does that mean unlike pp you don't think it's got anything to do with respect?

Yes, you can cheat on someone you love. I cheated on the love of my life because I was young, stupid and had very low self esteem. I hated myself and sabotaged a relationship with a wonderful person. I think being a cheater says a lot about a person. I honestly think you would have to be deeply unhappy with yourself to do it. It says more about them than it does about the person they are cheating on. It honestly is nothing you've done OP. This is about your DP's shit

Depends on the reason I think, and whether the cheating comprised a drunken ONS or a longer emotional connection.

Nope. If you truly love someone then you don’t even think of other people that way at all.

VirtuallyConfused sorry, but you don't love your husband. How can you, when you have bright someone into his relationship without telling him?

No!

If you loved someone you wouldn’t shag someone else because obviously when it gets found out (it always does) your going to break your partners heart.

You don’t inflict pain on to someone you love

OP you can do so much better than someone that cheats on you. Cut the cheat out of your life

It doesn’t matter... can you accept your partner cheating? A leopard doesn’t change its spots, so he will do it again. Unless you do too? . An open relationship is fine, both people have signed up and accept whatever boundaries are agreed. Cheating is disrespectful

I do love my DH but the lure of someone who made me feel alive and sexy...

Both together works well

VirtuallyConfused then you don't love him.

You have changed the goal posts and the most basic level and haven't told him. In case he leaves you. You don't love him enough to let him make that decision for himself and to accept his decision. Instead you have taken that away from him. That's not ok and it's not love.

People cheat for lots of reasons that have little to do with temptation or lack of love.
I know someone who cheats because she sees herself as unattractive, so any sniff of interest from someone and she wants s to follow through. Cant resist the chance to feel attractive and valid for a short while. It’s complex obviously, but there’s no lack of love for her husband. Actually it’s more like a lack of love for herself.

And mid life crisis can be like that too, wanting to feel youthful and virile again, it’s more about something unfinished in the cheap than a lack of love for their spouse.

So sorry this has happened to you op, the heartbreak is awful. It’s very likely not about you though, no matter how shit it makes you feel x

I don't think I'm ready to see him yet and hear his excuses, I've ignored his calls all weekend. Would it be unreasonable of me to ask him to go stay elsewhere for a while? Just while I get my head sorted and decide what to do. I know I'll need to speak to him eventually but I'm so busy blaming myself right now I can't face seeing him as I know I'll apologise and I know now I've done nothing wrong but as soon as I see him I know I'll blame myself

I love and respect my DP. I couldn’t imagine ever cheating on him

However the world isn’t always black or white. People do make mistakes. Humans aren’t perfect. I think it depends on the situation.

Whatever the reason, and I recognise the multitude of them, and many of them may be complex, when it comes down to it, cheating is a choice.

You choose to do it, or you choose not to.

It depends whether you believe love and fidelity are mutually exclusive or not. Not everyone will think they go hand in hand. Everyone has their own idea of what love is and no one can tell anyone else what they feel. I've found over the years that when it comes to love it's complicated and everyone has their own belief system about love. I do believe you can cheat on someone you love- whether you respect them whilst doing it is another matter.

People do make mistakes.

Putting the milk in the coffee cupboard is a mistake. Putting one's dick in another woman is not. He did not make a mistake, he made a choice.

I don't see how you can do that to someone you love. And I don't see how you can love someone and live with yourself whilst you're betraying them.

I agree that it says a lot about the cheater and what they feel about themselves.

If you forgive him it's condoning his behaviour and giving him an open invitation to do it again - which he undoubtedly will!

Your friends and sister are right - you need to get rid!