Would you consider having a baby alone

[Jesspops]

If you were 38 and hadn’t met anyone ... I have been single pretty much all my life so it isn’t new to me.

Yes, absolutely. I was lucky enough to meet DH but have friends who are early 30s and single and it’s a discussion we’ve had. Most of them are planning to wait until 37/38 if they don’t meet anyone, personally my line would be 35 as early menopause runs in my family. The way I see it, I’d be sad to not have married but having a baby would be within my control and something i would hate to miss out on as a result of remaining single.

@mumto2babyboys

Thanks for this. Its certainly pause for thought. I am currently discussing it with my family. Luckily I have a great support network.

No, I think there's a big difference between a relationship breaking down and a child having 2 separated parents and deliberately denying a child a parent.

Only because those who do it alone are better off. No family courts for contact arrangements and no missed holidays and no fighting with ex partner

I, for one would chose to do it on my own next time

because even with marriage there are no guarantees it will all work out and when it doesn't it's a mess

Many, in fact I'd say the majority, of divorcing couples can manage to make custody arrangements outside of courts. The vast majority of dads don't let down their children in terms of arrangements either. What you're painting is the worst case scenario.

There are loads of complexities to navigate being a single parent through choice as well, the mist important being the impact on the child. So far all the examples seem to be from parents with young children who haven't yet had to navigate the questions about dad or where the child came from. Or the child's upset at being different from their friends. It's a deep biological urge to know where we came from.

My friend had a young son who doesn't have a father in the sense that the father did a runner while she was pregnant. Her son is too young to have even really noticed he doesn't have a dad like other children (he's just turned 2) but already it's been really difficult for her - making things at baby groups for daddy, Father's Day, not knowing his medical history, always being on her own at events, making all the big decisions as well as the everyday ones single- handedly. It's bloody hard work and very lonely and her son hasn't even got to the age of asking questions. Whilst some people take it all in their stride others find it a real struggle. And so do the children.

If it was all so easy and perfect there would be no need for the family courts then would there

But most men are selfish and don't ace about what's best for their kids after a breakup

When I was 38yo, No Way.
It's more socially acceptable normal so maybe yes if I was 38yo today... but I think it would have been a terrible decision (for me). I am not tough or competent enough to succeed at it.

FBk friend had baby via donor when maybe 36 (child now 3yo). From what is posted on FBk, in spite of a supportive grandparent, being a single parent has pushed her to limits emotionally. I'm very glad that's not me.

One of my friends did this - twice. She is an amazing mum.

But her DCs do have their dad in their lives. They live next door to each other, don't have a conventional relationship but absolutely share parenting 50/50. It's incredibly harmonious for them and it really works.

I am a single parent to two teens - widowed very recently but in practical terms I've been a single parent for about 3 years given that my H was an alcoholic who took no part in family life. Speaking with brutal honesty the parent of teens part has been much, much, much easier than the living with/disengaging from an alcoholic part. My DDs are amazing well-balanced high achieving young people so anyone saying 'but how will you cope when they are teenagers?' is talking nonsense. All teens are different and there is no guarantee that you will get a difficult one, or an easy one. Let's face it, there are no guarantees in parenting at all.

No. It is absolutely exhausting and more relentless than you could eat imagine. The only way I would go into it alone would be if I had a lot of family close by who wanted to play a very active role in the child’s life.

Yes but only if I had lots of money, had secure property situation, and family or friend support (ie people I could rely on).
I’d also not be keen to lose my job.

If you are loaded with a decent support.