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Original poster

Would you consider having a baby alone

111 replies

Jesspops · 31/10/2018 12:35

If you were 38 and hadn’t met anyone ... I have been single pretty much all my life so it isn’t new to me.

OP posts:
rebelrosie12 · 31/10/2018 15:23

Before I had my kids I would have thought it was a great idea. Then I had 2 and even though I have a wonderful supportive partner id now say no.

Desecratedcoconut · 31/10/2018 15:28

Yes, I would so long as the finances work and that you have a support network that is solid.

Poppylizzyrose · 31/10/2018 15:38

Disagree with those saying you can’t or shouldn’t. Lots of mums end up single mums anyway through affairs or breaks up. Never know what will happen.

I didn’t think I’d be a single mum but due to a surprise baby! I will be, luckily for me her dads very keen to be involved and help out but I am single. Who knows if he will lose interest or be a let down but, we’re started it not together. So hopefully no emotional baggage!

My mum had me at 37 as she and my dad met later in life (still together and in love) she had my older sister as a single Mum, she was 14 by the time I was born.

No one knows what’s in the future, you might be amazing on your own! Ignore anyone who says you won’t cope how the hell would they even know?! They don’t know your baby/child and how they will be. SmileFlowers plus they grow up into adults your family, you get Christmas, birthdays.

Get one life enjoy it and experience what you want to experience. X

chemicalworld · 31/10/2018 15:39

You have no idea what you would do when the ideal set up doesn't arrive. Easy to say you wouldn't have but facing a childless life if you've always wanted to be a mother? I say why not try. Families are so different these days, and hardly any situation is 'ideal'. Good for you that you met someone who loves you and you love them back. I'm quite sure OP would have liked that too but life doesn't always work out like that.

Do it OP, if you can. Have no regrets (from someone in the same boat as you) x

Viviene · 31/10/2018 15:47

I'm the same age as you OP and in a similar situation.
You simply don't have the time to meet someone, fall in love, have a committed relationship and TTC.
If you want to do it, do it! There's lots of single moms around and it's 2018, you won't be stigmatized.
If you have the money, do it. You can pay for support when you need it and you will meet a lot of new moms.
Good luck!

hellsbellsmelons · 31/10/2018 15:52

And as an aside - my friend did enter into a relationship after her baby but that didn't last and she's still single nearly 4 years on!
Don't delay OP.
Oh and.... another couple I know had to go the IVF route and found that 3 rounds in Denmark cost the same as just one round in the UK.
So do your homework.

AnonEvent · 31/10/2018 15:54

I have a friend who had her son in her late 30's using donor sperm.

Of course it's hard, it's hard enough with two parents, but doing it as a lone parent is extra tricky. She has decent finances and a strong support network, but they can't be with her 24 hours a day.

That having been said, she's happy, she has a lovely son, and she's giving him a great childhood.

Trinity66 · 31/10/2018 16:02

Before I had my kids I would have thought it was a great idea. Then I had 2 and even though I have a wonderful supportive partner id now say no.

and on the flip side, I have 2 kids and a fabulous DH and I still say if I was single and childless at 38 I'd seriously think about doing it alone

hellsbellsmelons · 31/10/2018 16:11

but doing it as a lone parent is extra tricky
Again - on the flip side of this you have no competitive parenting.
No conflicts on discipline.
No arguments about how to parent or punishments.
You decide how to raise your child and you do just that.
No one to consult, you just get on and do it how you want to.

RoboticMary · 31/10/2018 16:12

No, I wouldn’t. I think children need a mother and a father. I think it’s unkind to knowingly deprive the child.

magpie24 · 31/10/2018 16:21

I think I would yes.

Trinity66 · 31/10/2018 16:24

No, I wouldn’t. I think children need a mother and a father. I think it’s unkind to knowingly deprive the child.

You think children of single parents would rather not exist? I disagree

winemumm · 31/10/2018 16:30

I would 100% go for it, my eldest sister is currently considering the same thing having concentrated solely on her career and never been in a particularly serious relationship. Children need love and support whether that's from a mother or two parents or more

AnonEvent · 31/10/2018 16:37

@hellsbellsmelons

You're definitely right, I was specifically thinking of newborn to toddler phase (my friend's son is 2). Which can be really exhausting with two people taking equal responsibility. Doing that without day-to-day support will be hard, maybe not really hard (if you have a lovely calm baby), but even calm babies get colds, and teeth, and have nights that they are awake every 40 minutes.

If I was single, and my age (39), I would absolutely consider going it alone.

Angelcd · 31/10/2018 17:01

Yes i would 100% x

Rtmhwales · 31/10/2018 17:19

A bit different as my DH walked out a week before I found out I was pregnant but after I'd moved back to my home country solo.

But I was 30 and single with zero hope of reconciliation with DH and knowing he would never see the baby and it would be me 100% raising him on my own, financially and otherwise. I decided to go through with it and he's the best decision I've ever made. Yes it's exhausting. It's expensive. But so worth it. DS is 100% mine. No fear of ever breaking up with the dad and having to navigate split custody and new partners and trauma etc. It's kind of great. 100% of the trials and tribulations but 100% of the benefits, and I feel the love and light he's brought to my life far outweighs the things I've given up.

5LeafClover · 31/10/2018 18:01

Yes, if I had supportive family nearby.

ArkAtEee · 31/10/2018 20:55

My friend has done this recently at an older age than you. Go for it if you can afford it, she doesn't regret it.

yourfamousblueraincoat · 31/10/2018 23:11

A massive YES. Before I had my son, I would have said no - the pre-kids me would have been ok with my life as it was. I would have just cracked on with my career, being an auntie etc.
But now I’ve had DS my life has been enriched so immeasurably that I would gladly have done it alone. DS (8 months) makes me happy and proud and joyful every day. My DH works long hours so does not contribute much practically towards his care, though I appreciate he does a lot financially.
But even if I had v little money I would still opt to be a single mum because motherhood has made me so unexpectedly ecstatic and excited about life. Can you tell I’m a besotted mum of a gorgeous cute baby? Grin

mumto2babyboys · 31/10/2018 23:15

Best advice I can give is yes

but at 38. Go get some testing done and see what your egg reserve is like
Everyone is different some people can have babies naturally til around 44 but for others fertility declines at 37 and it can't be fixed without ivf

minipie · 31/10/2018 23:17

No I wouldn’t.

That’s probably because one of my DC has mild SN and looking after her has been extra difficult. No way could I have managed her alone - in particular the sleep problems would have broken me.

Don’t ever have a baby if you are only in a position to cope with a healthy, fairly easy baby. You need to have serious back up. Someone who is willing to share night shifts if necessary.

unexpectedtwist · 31/10/2018 23:22

I would.

I have a 41yo friend doing just that with donor sperm, due December. She does have family support though.

If it were me I'd have little family support in a practical sense but they'd always be there in emergency and you only live once.

It was hard when I had a baby at 39 even with a DH - he was useless at the baby stage - but I'd've coped alone if I had to as that's what people do.

Good luck!

Likeshyt · 31/10/2018 23:28

OP My mam had me, and I was brought up without a father!! Go for it - it is not selfish you having a child without a dad, of course it’s not ideal, but a distant shit father is worse than none at all OP! And at the end of the day it’s your life, live it. As long as you have the love, support and time to give that baby, let nothing stand in your way :)

Cawfee · 31/10/2018 23:34

Yes I absolutely would

Didsomeonesaybunny · 31/10/2018 23:55

I’d absolutely do it, best things that’s ever happened to me. I got pregnant whilst with my ex so I didn’t expect to be alone when we were trying for our baby, but, when he left me the (day I found out I was pregnant ) I knew I’d be fine, financially and mentally.

Remarkably I also met someone during my pregnancy and whilst I acted horrifically towards him at the end of my pregnancy we have decided to give things another go and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. With or without my DP I’d be happy though as my DD is literally everything that has been missing in my life.

Doing it alone is hard, my DP and I are living apart at the moment so I do feel like a single parent for the most part but it’s the most rewarding thing in the world.