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Original poster

Would you consider having a baby alone

111 replies

Jesspops · 31/10/2018 12:35

If you were 38 and hadn’t met anyone ... I have been single pretty much all my life so it isn’t new to me.

OP posts:
3TresTrois · 02/11/2018 13:29

No. But one of my children has autism and that probably colours my view. It’s been incredibly challenging bringing him up and I don’t know where we would be without his dad’s support. I think I would have cracked up.

FuzzyShadowChatter · 02/11/2018 13:57

Consider, maybe, but I'm leaning towards no and the main negative for me would be going through pregnancy/childbirth/that early period alone. I know many do it but the idea of choosing that fills me with dread. I personally would be more likely to consider other ways of being a parent if that's what I really wanted before having a baby single though I understand why others might choose differently.

jeaux90 · 03/11/2018 08:27

I'm a single mum. I am financially stable, great job. My DD is 9 now I am 47.

What I would say to you is having family and support around is a must. The baby years are incredibly lonely. Gets way easier after they hit 4 though I would say.

I am lucky enough to be able to afford a live in nanny (as actually it worked out cheaper than the other options)

If I didn't have the above circumstances then no I wouldn't do it.

jeaux90 · 03/11/2018 08:28

On the positive side there are no conflicts in parenting and I don't have to put up with a man child as a partner like many women do.

My life is incredibly peaceful and organised

Treacletoots · 03/11/2018 16:53

Don't go it alone but do look into freezing your eggs. And quickly!

If you can't afford this then you definitely can't afford a child and trust me the older you are the more tiring it is... As a 40 something mum of a toddler I am very glad to have DH who more than pulls his weight.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 03/11/2018 16:56

Yes

Don’t bother freezing your eggs - it’s a waste of money and very low success rates

You need to get a sperm donor and freeze embryos if you want to have any chance of success

mumto2babyboys · 03/11/2018 20:21

No clinic is going to freeze Her eggs and ivf only has a 25% success rate

Namechanger1404 · 03/11/2018 20:34

Being a single parent is VERY hard. When they are young it is easy (er) DC are completely under your control. Fast forward puberty..VERY challenging when doing it alone.

As a single parent I know what I’m talking about.

Mcmuppet · 03/11/2018 20:48

No matter how hard it gets, you will never regret having children.

helacells · 03/11/2018 21:01

Absolutely as long as you have a support network and money. Most men are pretty shit partners and dads anyway so you wouldn't be missing out on anything

MeganBacon · 03/11/2018 21:48

I did and have never regretted it for a second. DS is 16 now and fantastic. His father agreed to it but our relationship was clearly ending and we knew I would be alone. You have to have enough money though. And it gets easier later on. I met now dh when ds was 7 and he's a brilliant step dad.

puzzledlady · 03/11/2018 21:53

I know some who did. She’s amazing and her daughter is well rounded and such a lovely girl. She’s a senior lawyer and so can afford to raise her alone. She’s a real inspiration.

stillreadviz · 03/11/2018 22:30

Yes, most definitely. I'm recently separated, we have a 2 year old son, I'm happier now as a single mum than i was with him. Don't get me wrong, it's hard work but it's also the greatest single thing in the world having my darling boy, if you have support it will make it a joy, if you don't it will be tougher

Oldraver · 03/11/2018 22:45

I did this and had DS when I was nearly 41. I already had an older DS (19) whose Dad had died a few years earlier.

I was financially secure though

PantTwizzler · 03/11/2018 22:56

No. Children need a mother and a father.

Pompom42 · 03/11/2018 23:00

I'll be honest years ago when I knew people who chose to do that I used to think why on earth would they do that, it's a family thing surely, children need both parents.
Now I'd scrap all that nonsense and def would, I really admired Madonna when she did this. Had Lourdes with Carlos Leon and made him sign a paper to say she had sole custody etc.

LunchBoxPolice · 03/11/2018 23:04

Yes, I've done it once and I will do it again if I don't meet someone in the next few years.

peopleispeople · 04/11/2018 09:52

I'm 47 and considering it.

mumto2babyboys · 04/11/2018 10:40

@peopleispeople

Just out of curiosity from a medical view, how are you going to conceive at 47? Is it adoption or....

peopleispeople · 04/11/2018 12:08

I’m under no grand illusion that I’ll be Rachel Weisz...

Donor egg IVF or adoption are the front runners.

mumto2babyboys · 04/11/2018 12:20

She had ivf so did Hallie berry,

I had some extreme trouble ttc due to my ex husbands low sperm count but I had considered ivf as well

You should look into places abroad like Cyprus seems to be a lot cheaper and they are also doing ovarian regeneration abroad which might be something to consider

I'm considering ovarian regeneration myself to reverse menopause, keeping a close eye on the results from it! Good luck with it all x

peopleispeople · 04/11/2018 12:24

Thanks for this. I do get heartened when I hear of celebrity mums older than me.

At 45 my gyno actually said to me I was still ‘young’ to have kids (not for fertility advice, separate operation when deciding to keep my womb or full hysterectomy).

Are you trying for a third?

mumto2babyboys · 04/11/2018 12:35

No not atm but I would love a girl at some point

I'm considering prp when the time comes. Everyone in my family has gone through early menopause and I think I will as well so that's great your ovaries are looking good. 

Have also been talking about this topic a lot in work recently and lots have said they'd go have prp ovarian rejuvenation abroad and then try with sperm doner or ivf here. But ivf is 1/3 of the cost abroad.

This is the clinic in Greece that's been in the news for having successful prp pregnancies

https://www.genesisathens.gr/en/

I don't work for them lol I'm just keeping a close eye on it because it's literally; a bone marrow sample taken and then a few injections into your ovaries instead of the intensive hormones used and time commitment used in ivf.

Adoption is also a brilliant option but it takes so long unless you Foster first.

niceupthedance · 04/11/2018 12:38

I did it and I wouldn't do it again
Have no family support nearby and can't afford to buy help
Plus it turns out he has SN so that explains how hard it has been.

mumto2babyboys · 04/11/2018 12:39

It's not legal in the uk yet though but they are doing medical studies on prp ovarian rejuvenation here and in America currently and ongoing so waiting to see what the results are.

They only began in 2018 so might be a while before any medical papers are published on it here. Would be so amazing though if woman like the ones who've done it already, didn't have to rely on hrt and could still have babies using their own eggs.