Would this be cheating to you?

[MissMimba]

I feel stupid and pathetic for even writing such a thread but I feel so worn down by his excuses and minimising I don't even know what to think anymore.

I snooped through his phone and found messages of him texting multiple women asking for sex. He was sending pictures of his dick and just generally acting like someone I don't even know. He doesn't talk to me like that so I was really shocked by what I found. He has a pain condition (as a result of a back problem), which affects him a little sexually but we have sex regularly so his excuse to all this sexting is that "I'm not even up to it am I?" Doesn't make sense. He said it was just escapism, boredom, never intended for any of it to go further. But 2/3 women he was messaging he has slept with before he had met me.

We haven't been together long...he says I've been wanting to break up the whole time but my gut instinct just kept telling me something was off for various different things. From making comments about my weight one time. One time he said "gosh you have some extra tyres there" obviously he said it was all banter and not a put down like I told him it was. I'm fat I know that. But he met me on a BBW dating site, so what does he expect?

But now it feels like I'm being blamed for acting untrusting in the past towards him when in actual fact he was making me FEEL like I should be untrusting if that makes sense?

I don't want to seem like a victim so I'm sorry if I come across that way, but I'm so, so, tired and confused. He also tells me he wasn't happy because "I don't listen" I already suffer with anxiety and depression and today has got me wanting to just curl up in bed and not face the world.

He's an arse, leave him.

Fuck that. He's an idiot. Untrusting?! He is behaving outrageously and he does not deserve to be trusted because he is not showing you or your relationship the bare minimum of respect you deserve.

Get out now.

How long have you been together? Its not worth the stress.

Hi, I think you know the answer. This isn't an appropriate way for him to behave and turning it back on you is one of those usual tricks.

I think you really should get out while you can , easy to say I know, but frost will leave you open to find someone who respects you and treats you as you should be treated.

Don't apologise for feeling this way. It's his behaviour that has caused it.

Take care of yourself 

I've read the first five and a half lines of your thread.

Yes.
Leave him.
He's not really with you anyway.

He keeps saying "it's not cheating because he didn't sleep with anyone just send texts"

I'm worn out.

I think it's a little beside the point to debate if it's cheating. Does it matter if it fits individual people's definitions of cheating?

The relevant part is that it was behind your back, deceitful and dishonest, so it was a betrayal of your relationship without doubt.

He sends women pictures of his dick - do you want to be with someone who does that? (You don't mention if the pictures were requested or not, so I'm guessing on this one.)

He's mean to you.

He's not worth it. You deserve better than to be treated like that.

There's nothing to be confused about. I would leave him.

It doesn't matter if he makes excuses. If you're not happy then you can end it.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. Ask yourself that question.

I would certainly make plans to leave him and apart from anything else he sounds emotionally abusive too (his comments re your weight for instance). He is no good for any woman actually.

Whether you count it as cheating or not, he has clearly been a colossal dickhead and isn't a generally very nice person. Dump and don't waste anymore of your life on him, you deserve so much better and once you free yourself from this twat you can go and find it. I wouldn't waste another minute. Who wants a relationship where you have to forgive transgressions from the start?

This is one of those moments. You'll either look back in 5 years and be glad you dumped the cheating twat, or you'll look back and realise that these are the first of many red flags and that he's setting up a pattern of behaving like a dick then blaming you. Yeah it'll suck to break up in the short term, but way less than being stuck with this cheating sack for years to come.

You haven't been together long. You are meant to be all over each other not sexting other people.

It won't get better longer when you are not fresh and exciting to each other.

Cut your losses sooner rather than waste more time here.

Does the label matter? It's a complete betrayal of trust either way and not something I would find acceptable in my relationship. It would be over for me. Picking over the 'cheating' label won't be helpful op, you just need to decide if you can move past it or not. I recommend leaving, you can do better.

He makes you feel crap about yourself. Ditch him. Now. Then enjoy your weekend doing nice things for yourself.

Get out now.

He is behaving very badly and making your depression and anxiety worse.

It’s not you it’s him. Dump him.

What a revolting man, he won't change. YUK!
You know what you have to do. Sorry.

Just dump him
It's simple

An arse with zero class, you can do better OP

Dump him, he has no respect for you

He doesn't respect you. If he did he wouldn't speak you you in that manner even as "banter" he also wouldn't be texting people. Presumably he wouldn't like it if you were texting people. Life is to short to put up with rubbish like this.

Wow the brass neck on him. So it makes it ok to send dick pics and texts of sex as long as he doesnt follow it through? Massive twat, get rid and move on

Totally inappropriate, he’s an arsehole and doesn’t respect you. Get away and leave him to send his sad dick pics.

Yes, chuck him in the bin.