Would this be cheating to you?

[MissMimba]

I feel stupid and pathetic for even writing such a thread but I feel so worn down by his excuses and minimising I don't even know what to think anymore.

I snooped through his phone and found messages of him texting multiple women asking for sex. He was sending pictures of his dick and just generally acting like someone I don't even know. He doesn't talk to me like that so I was really shocked by what I found. He has a pain condition (as a result of a back problem), which affects him a little sexually but we have sex regularly so his excuse to all this sexting is that "I'm not even up to it am I?" Doesn't make sense. He said it was just escapism, boredom, never intended for any of it to go further. But 2/3 women he was messaging he has slept with before he had met me.

We haven't been together long...he says I've been wanting to break up the whole time but my gut instinct just kept telling me something was off for various different things. From making comments about my weight one time. One time he said "gosh you have some extra tyres there" obviously he said it was all banter and not a put down like I told him it was. I'm fat I know that. But he met me on a BBW dating site, so what does he expect?

But now it feels like I'm being blamed for acting untrusting in the past towards him when in actual fact he was making me FEEL like I should be untrusting if that makes sense?

I don't want to seem like a victim so I'm sorry if I come across that way, but I'm so, so, tired and confused. He also tells me he wasn't happy because "I don't listen" I already suffer with anxiety and depression and today has got me wanting to just curl up in bed and not face the world.

Couldn't read much. He sounds awful

Agree with everyone else, ditch him.
And think about how he would have reacted if he'd found out you were doing this with other men.

It doesn't matter what HE says OP, because he's a liar and an arsehole and therefore I'd not want his opinion. You are on the path to more anxiety and low self esteem if you let him treat you this way. It doesn't matter what classification you use for cheating, he's trying to, is engaging sexually with women and has shown himself to be a pig.
OP you can do better, there is no question, please do not let this man take advantage of your self esteem and anxiety and talk you around. He will not stop this!

I bet if you sent topless pics to other people he'd call you a cheat. People like this mostly live by horrendous double standards.

Either way , I agree with pps. Get out now. He's no good.

I'd count it as cheating. Even if he doesn't, it's still rampant arseholery. It obviously isn't making you happy.

"If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, it's cheating" - that's my motto.

Leave him.

Leave and find someone who respects you.
Reallyyoi don’t have to put up with that shit

Don't put up with this shocking and disrespectful behaviour. Get out now before you have children together to consider. You really can do so much better than this. If you stay with a person who treats you like shit and puts you down all of the time you will die inside. You are already anxious and depressed so you need someone who will love you and make you feel special not trample all over your feelings. Ask him to go. Don't take no for an answer and move on to meet someone else who is a nicer person.

Whether its cheating or not is neither here nor there anyway, what it is is very very disrespectful and it would be a deal breaker for me. He sounds like a disgusting pervert

Yeas of course its cheating. But it doesn't matter if he thinks its cheating or not, you're not comfortable with it, he is unlikely to change so if you continue in this relationship you will be letting yourself in for a world of heartache.

Time to walk away and find someone who values you.

Ignore this man's excuses
Start concentrating on how his behaviour makes you feel
Is it acceptable and appropriate to you?
Nevermind his opinion all he's trying to do is get you to disregard your own thoughts.
If you think it is shit then yes it's shit
Stop second guessing yourself because he wants you to let him off with doing this behind your back
If it was no big deal why hasn't he told you about it beforehand? why does he hide it? ( these questions aren't for him to answer as you already know the answers the real answers: because a) he doesn't care how you feel and b) he hid it from you because he knows it's shit)
Is this what you hoped for in a partner/relationship?

He keeps saying "it's not cheating because he didn't sleep with anyone just send texts"

Bollocks to that. He is a sleaze bucket. Get out now. Why would you even want to put up with that?

It's sleazy and makes you upset and yet he continues. He makes you feel bad about yourself. Would he be OK with you sending pics to other men? He's doing alot more than he's letting on....
Get rid, you can do better. Even being in your own is better than being with somebody who makes you feel like shit

He's a jerk and a liar of course he's done more or if not it's not from la k of trying. Get rid now

It doesn't matter if it's cheating to him, if it's cheating to you it matters. If you feel hurt, betrayed, devalued by his actions, that matters

FWIW I don't think one single person you tell this to will say that it's okay behaviour; objectively it's totally, unequivocally NOT OKAY. He's trying to convince you black is white by telling you it's fine - unless he's of severely below average IQ he doesn't seriously believe what he's saying to you. And if he was that thick I can't imagine he would have been able to use his phone in the first place!

Tell him to fuck the fuck off to the far side of fuckery, he's a totally massive wanker.

This is the only life you will ever have - don’t waste another minute on this dick.

Cheating/not cheating - don’t exhaust yourself on this question any longer. It doesn’t matter. He is just not worth it.

💐

Fuck this idiot. Never mind him having sex with other women, he's insulted you and then passed it off as "banter" (also known as "yes I am bullying you but I'm now going to claim you can't take a joke")

Yes I'd consider it cheating.

I'd also hazard a guess that he would consider it cheating if you, or any other woman, was doing it while with him. But conveniently it's not cheating if he's the one doing it.

At absolute best it's highly inappropriate, unfair, disloyal, shitty, scummy behaviour - (and that's me being grey instead of black and white).

Alongside him making comments about your figure (is he 6ft with a 6 pack incidentally?), Makibg you feel bad, making your depression/anxiety worse, it sounds like you'd be happier in the long run without him.

As an experiment show him some fake texts/emails from you to men (could be exes/men on BBW dating site etc) with explicit pics of your body asking for sex/discussing having sex and see if he thinks it's cheating of decent behaviour. Say it was just escapism, boredom etc., You haven't actually done anything physical so it's ok in a relationship; if he thinks it's wrong ask him to explain why lol
(Not entirely sure here but you get my point).

Serious not sure

You do know what to say and do, he’s using you whilst getting kicks elsewhere, he sounds like a sex pest and better watch his back as he might just get done for sexual harassment one day, is this really a person you want associated with? He then further insults you by criticising your appearance, get real OP and get rid.

Delete him from your life, block and move on. He's a piece of shit.

No brainer really. Sending women pics of his dick because he's "bored"?? Erm... Not a bloke I'd want to be with personally.