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Original poster

Do men ever regret their ‘midlife crisis’ affairs?

203 replies

stitchinguru · 22/10/2018 22:33

Just that really - it’s such a common occurrence, I’d be interested in how it tends to pan out in the fullness of time.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 26/10/2018 16:24

John Mortimer’s famous quote:

People will go to endless trouble to divorce one person and then marry someone who is exactly the same, except probably a bit poorer and a bit nastier. I don't think anybody learns anything.

Original poster
stitchinguru · 26/10/2018 16:33

👍 Tatiana

OP posts:
Robin2323 · 26/10/2018 17:24

for. Don't feel too sad for him, some people are never satisfied and the grass is always greener elsewhere.

This probably the bottom line.
Affairs are just short term fixes in most cases.
Unless you sort the underlying issues out you are doomed to repeat.
Sometimes you don't appreciate what you're got till it's gone.
Like anything good you've got to put the effort in.

The grass is not greener anywhere unless you water it.

Orange6904 · 26/10/2018 17:51

Some people are never happy and always looking over the fence. And if you meet like that how do you ever feel secure anyway? I'm a few months on from my partner leaving me for a girl half his age and I just don't know how they even trust each other. Maybe they don't care.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/10/2018 18:29

"although the OW may be younger, men tend to ‘affair down’ - i.e take up with someone generally less attractive"

From a purely looks perspective, a younger woman is not affairing 'down' is it, It's up.

TheSageofOnions · 26/10/2018 18:31

I think many women vastly overestimate the number of men in the UK who genuinely are into/love the family stuff full on 24/7.

YYY to this^

Robin2323 · 26/10/2018 18:50

I think many women vastly overestimate the number of men in the UK who genuinely are into/love the family stuff full on 24/7.
Hum think I know what you mean but most people discuss this. They agreed they both need to be totally on board before starting a family.
If not it is a deal breaker for most people.

No one should stay together if they are miserable.
But they need to figure what they really want. Changing partners won't solve the underlying issues.

AsleepAllDay · 26/10/2018 18:52

Regret implies a sense of self awareness to look back and realise you effed up. Some men never get that far. But certainly many are confronted with consequences - whether it's losing out in relationships with their children, divorce or relationship breakdown later on, financial loss etc

TatianaLarina · 26/10/2018 18:58

From a purely looks perspective, a younger woman is not affairing 'down' is it, It's up.

From the affairs that I’ve seen, the OW are younger but generally less intelligent than the wife.

So it’s a downgrade in terms of brains.

dawnacorns · 26/10/2018 18:59

From a purely looks perspective, a younger woman is not affairing 'down' is it, It's up.
That doesn't always follow. Looks don't just depend on age. Nor does attractiveness.

Orange6904 · 26/10/2018 19:10

Younger doesn't always equal attractive does it? And I know it's not just about looks but just because just because someone is younger are they automatically more attractive? The girl my ex left for spends half her time gurning like Vicky Pollard.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/10/2018 19:15

"it’s a downgrade in terms of brains."

Do people have affairs in a search for brain power though?

Gwenhwyfar · 26/10/2018 19:17

"Younger doesn't always equal attractive does it? "

Generally men consider women 15 or 20 years younger to be more attractive.

Orange6904 · 26/10/2018 19:21

More attractive or that they believe any old shit they say?

TatianaLarina · 26/10/2018 19:39

Generally men consider women 15 or 20 years younger to be more attractive.

We have a surrendered wife in the house. My husband’s pin up (I use the term metaphorically) is older than me. Hugh Jackman’s wife is older than him.

Don’t believe the sexist claptrap you read on Reddit.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/10/2018 19:50

I'm not anybody's wife Tatiana and don't read Reddit that much. I'm saying it based on what I've observed from men's behaviour and what they tell me.
I don't know who Hugh Jackman is, but the fact that his wife is older than him doesn't change what I believe to be true in general.

Fontofnoknowledge · 26/10/2018 19:53

My DH had an affair with me (just as I had an affair with him) not ideal by any means and not something I'm proud of. Should have had the moral fortitude to leave both our partners. Although in minor mitigation both our spouses were also having affairs but were happy to stay married to both of us..

Anyway- midlife affair at 45 him and 42 me. Now married to each other for 10 yrs and genuinely happy. Kids (his) fucked up by custody fights with his eldest moving in with us.

Mine always fine as my ex DH accepted we had run our course and married to his affair partner . We have very good relationship and no issues with coparenting. Although mine are now 23.21 and 16 ...

Basically it's taken 10 yrs to calm down but that has been mostly due to MONEY. DH is high earner and ex didn't work and wanted to carry on with that lifestyle post divorce. HER affair partner eventually married her but has insisted on pre nup..

Fontofnoknowledge · 26/10/2018 20:04

Oh .. and I am older than ex wife and substantially less attractive. It's not always 'looks' sometimes they are just not happy. !

TatianaLarina · 26/10/2018 20:06

and don't read Reddit that much.

🤣

It’s fairly obvious you’re not married tbh. There are loads of men happy to tell you they’re into women 20 years younger til they’re blue in the face, but those women ain’t into them.

What they mean is that’s who they like to wank over.

MaryJenson · 26/10/2018 20:25

😂

Cherries101 · 26/10/2018 20:26

@Fontofnoknowledge — agreed in many cases affair partners do tend to be the opposite in terms of grooming / attractiveness than previous ones. But I personally wouldn’t trust anyone who’s cheated previously.

MaryJenson · 26/10/2018 20:28

My DH’s affair partner was basically me when he met me.

Beingginger · 26/10/2018 20:32

I’ve known 2 women who’s husband has left them for a younger woman.
One dh left with the nanny when her dc was 3. They ran off to sunnier climes and he was killed in a car accident 6 months later. She never got over it all and never married again, as far as she is concerned he’s her husband and that is that. She’s in her 80s and has been alone for 50 years Sad
The other was married for 30+ years and he ran off with the OW who is the same age as his daughter. They’ve now split up and he’s tried to come crawling back but my friend has told him to piss off and he is sad and alone. Serves him right, he broke my friends heart.

IfNotNowThenWooOoOoo · 26/10/2018 20:52

I've only known a couple of my male acquaintances who had a "midlife crisis" affair. Both were in relationships which had become pretty awful; someone came along, turned their head and gave them some relief within a deeply unsatisfying life, both seemed to want to get caught, which they did

See, if I was in a "deeply unsatisfying" relationship I would end it . Not lie and cheat and fuck with my partner's self esteem.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 26/10/2018 20:53

From a purely looks perspective, a younger woman is not affairing 'down' is it, It's up. You can be young and plain or older and beautiful.