How long did it take to get over your Ex?

[ghostlygal]

Just that really. How long did it take you to realise that you're better off without your Ex?

I've been separated from
my ex for a year now, together 4 years and 10 months. Just realised today that while I don't miss my ex per say I miss the idea of him, I miss sharing the joys of parenting with him. I miss being part of a team. I miss having someone to cuddle in bed. And I'm jealous he gets to do all that with someone else. I thought after a year and after all he's done to me that I'd be fully over it by now.

So how long did it take you to move on?

Interested in this question also, im 8 weeks post Split, spent 9 yrs together with 2 kids, mutual decision to end but he met someone else after a couple of weeks and is now head over heels in love and they plan to live together, meanwhile I'm here alone with 2 kids, pining for a guy that is a loser and I have no future with and can't stop thinking about what he is up to 😢

Ha its been almost 3 years for
me and i still feel how you feel. still miss the idea for it all not so much him. i dont know when it ever goes away tbh.

Gosh I do this too! But I do wonder is the grass really greener on the other side?

@GreenLantern53 3 Years is a long time to have a broken heart 
Do you know why you still care so much?

I think its because ive not met anyone since. literally no male interaction! Its got to be that because ex was a nasty piece of work anyway.

Do you think dating would help take your mind off things?

I don't have it in me to go dating right now (as I've just had our second baby) but I often wonder when the DCs are older would I be brave enough to date again.

took me just under 2 years with continuous therapy to help me detach emotionally and to see him for what he really is. It's easy now.

6 years post split for me and I still miss him. Only person I've ever been in longer with. Dated someone else in the meantime too

It certainly would help yeh, but with 4 kids and no child care it wont be happening for me! i think sometimes you do need to meet someone else to get over someone.

I was told that it takes half the length of the relationship to fully "get over" a break up. (Assuming it wasn't you who initiated it).
I'd say that was accurate for me. It took me about 4ish years to be fully contented after my 9 year relationship ended.
I wasn't heartbroken that whole time. But wasn't fully over it either.

@NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler I've heard that too, but my mom is still bitter 14 years post separation which is more than half the time they were together and it terrifies me that I could end up like that 

@weehedgehog I've been doing therapy too but it's constantly spending time with him at visitation is hindering me moving on I think.

@GreenLantern53 maybe when the eldest is old enough to babysit you could get back out dating? Don't you think you deserve it?

@DerelictWreck do you keep in touch with your ex?

No, not seen or spoken to him since he walked out my life

eldest has autism so realistically i wouldnt be able to date for another 10+ years! ex however met and moved in with someone 6 weeks after we broke up i find men seem to move on alot quicker

Yep when your utterly heartbroken bloke has someone dated and moved in within 5 months, it makes you a lot more cynical about relationships I find. Happened to be after my first marriage and no he didn’t know her before and it was me that left

I still have contact with my STBXH as our children are very small (he left me just before the birth of our third child). I genuinely never thought I'd get over him, but I have. I'm enjoying being on my own just now.
Just because your ex has moved on doesn't mean they are happier! Focus on yourself, and make sure you are doing everything you can to get back on your feet.

I'm a year on and I have some days when I feel completely fine and hopeful about the future, and other days when I feel completely overwhelmed with sadness and don't want to get out of bed.

Be kind to yourself. It hasn't been all that long. You're doing the right thing going to therapy; that will mean that you are unlikely to have the kind of bitterness your Mum suffers from in the future.

Just to add I am seeing a very nice guy now but it definitely doesn't mean I am over my ex or blithely skipping around as though nothing ever happened (and I've been completely honest with new boyf about that.) Just because your ex is seeing someone, doesn't mean he is fine. You can't just replace people you have loved.

@AllFakeFurCoatAndNoSpanx that's ironic you say that because I feel totally replaceable. He moved on to someone new within 3 days of our split (he says its faith) and the girlfriend has now subsequently taken my job in our business we used run together (I'm still 50% shareholder). So not only did I lose my ex and get replaced immediately I also lost my job 🤷‍♀️

I am hopeful for the future though and most days I'm good! I love not cleaning up after him and not having to cook for him 

Just today I had a little cry as I'm lonely and it made me wonder how long it takes people to heal.

@GreenLantern53 so he hopped out of the frying pan and into the fire then 🤨

@weehedgehog I try to focus on myself and I've started volunteering which I find immensely self fulfilling. It's just being at home
Everyday with 2 under 2 gives me way too much time
to think and mull things over. It's frustrating to say the least as I thought I was fully over it, I don't know where this sadness has come from lately 🤦🏼‍♀️

She took your job OP? Wow. Could you sue him for unfair dismissal?

@ghostlygal the sadness will come because you need to grieve for the relationship, people who jump into a new relationship so soon are not doing them selves any favours, they are just covering the hurt with a plaster, it won't last, it's a rebound.

@AllFakeFurCoatAndNoSpanx I love the end sentence of your advice :) is Hoping it's true :)