How long did it take to get over your Ex?

[ghostlygal]

Just that really. How long did it take you to realise that you're better off without your Ex?

I've been separated from
my ex for a year now, together 4 years and 10 months. Just realised today that while I don't miss my ex per say I miss the idea of him, I miss sharing the joys of parenting with him. I miss being part of a team. I miss having someone to cuddle in bed. And I'm jealous he gets to do all that with someone else. I thought after a year and after all he's done to me that I'd be fully over it by now.

So how long did it take you to move on?

No never went back. In fact I truly believe he never knew I still loved him for all that time. I was so devastated yet am v v proud

@autumnleaves1234 that's so bittersweet isn't it?

I'm sure there are better things in store for you..I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason 💕

@fantasmasgoria1 4 years is a long time  I hope you're happier now?

Thought this great 💕

Yes ghostly gal I am happier now! I have been with my fiancé for two years now!

It's been about 4.5 years since I split with my ex of 7 years. He now only occasionally pops in my mind and when he does I am actively relieved I never have to see him or be around him again! He was a total ass and I couldn't see it properly until being apart and meeting a decent man. It gets better but you have to actively move on - do stuff for yourself and make sure you're happy 

@pattyhoo
I think that's the problem, I had the pregnancy and birth to distract me but now all that dust has settled and financial settlement has been agreed. I'm just twiddling my thumbs for the next 6 months before I can move home (we live abroad and he's blocked me moving home with the kids until he can move too) so it's incredibly frustrating wishing away 6 months before I can actually start afresh.

@fantasmasgoria1 wayheyyyyy I do love a happy ending (insert bride emoji here )

It makes me hopeful for the future.

@ghostlygal oh that sucks. Is there anything you've always wanted to learn? An online course you can do in between doing other things might help to be a little distraction and make you feel like you're doing it for yourself? Sending you lots of positive thoughts! X

@pattyhoo I'm hoping to study social work or peri natal psychology. I've received so much help and support to get me through this time it's really inspired me and I'd love to be able to help other families who are struggling. I'm not sure how realistic it will be to do this and it may be a bit idealistic but I'll give it a go anyways. I've always wanted to get a degree and hopefully this will make my kids proud of me

@ghostlygal what a fantastic idea and you've got the compassion to help people. Really hope it goes well for you! 

I have been lucky enough to be married for 33 years so haven't been through this myself but I watched my dad totally destroy my mum. They had been married for 26 years and I had just left home as I had got married. Completely out of the blue my dad announced he was leaving my mum for her best friend. She had no idea and it nearly broke her and she took an overdose a few months later. She survived but we realised how much pain and how alone she felt.

My dad stayed with this woman (eventually marrying her after about 8 years). It transpired that she wasn't the only "friend" of my mum's he had slept with. He eventually split with wife No. 2 (by now he was in his mid 70's) and he went off with their 40 year old cleaner whim he married a few month's before he died (she knew he was dying).

My mum has never looked at another man and is still very bitter about my dad and I know that even to this day she still hurts. Only yesterday she was talking about him again.

If I can give you any advice it is to try and be open to new relationships if you can (even if this takes a few years) I'm sure if my mum had not hidden herself away but had felt able to meet new people she would be in a different place to where she is now. A few years after my dad left we knew she was very lonely and she sold her house and bought a house next door to me. Don't get me wrong, she has been happy and looked after my DS from the time he was 7 months as I went back to work. But it is DS that has literally been her life but now he's 18 I can see she feels she has lost her sense of purpose again. She was only 46 when my dad left and she's now 78 now so all those wasted on a man who didn't deserve her.

Sending hugs to you all who are going through this horrendous time but please, please don't do what my mum did.

TBH I was so glad to be shot of my ExW that I got over it fairly quickly. It was the fear of change that was worrying more, housing, moving.. buying new stuff and the upheaval of it all, but once settled I was happy pretty quickly. I can't think of one occasion in the time since we split that I've remotely missed a single thing about her..... NOT ONE.

@Icequeen01 that story makes me so sad. And it reminds me a lot of my mum.

My parents split up 15 years ago as my dad had an affair. Mum never got over it. She's very very bitter and it really worries me I'll turn out like that. Although I don't think I'm as bitter as mum I do find myself thinking why wasn't I good enough a lot.

I would love to move on but realistically I've very small kids to take care of and don't have time for a shower never mind a date and I think part of me will always care even though I know he wasn't right for me. Also I'm from Ireland and I don't think many people would like to date a single mother of 3. I feel like there's a lot of stigma around it (that might all be in my head)

Your poor mom. I'd love to give her a hug. Maybe time to get her a dog?

I'm glad you were able to heal and move on so quickly.

Do you think your ex has moved on as well?

@m0vinf0rward sorry that last comment is for you  forgot to tag you xx

@ghostlygal - we have often talked to my mum about getting a little dog but she's worried about vet bills. We have offered to pay the insurance for her but then she says she's worried it "will tie her down" which is daft as she doesn't go anywhere unless we take her. She does look after my school's therapy dog from time to time which she loves.

I totally get what you say about it not being easy for a single mum with young children to have time or the inclination to enter into another relationship. My mum was lucky (if you can call it that!) in that both my sister and I had left home by the time my dad left. Just don't write off the possibility of you finding happiness again when your children are older. You will still be young enough to find happiness - that doesn't have to be due to another relationship but may be a new interest where you get to meet new people.