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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

25yr age gap

118 replies

ru345 · 13/10/2018 18:46

Hi guys I need advise, I have been on OLD for a while and just messed around by men my own age 40 somethings. Well I met this guy who is a retired sportsman so fit and he did lie initially saying he was 12yrs younger than what he pretended but looks orginal age he pretended. He is actually 27 yrs older than me.

He is the first guy to treat me lovely and respectful not after a quick fling etc however he is settled in his ways. Should I continue continue this? Anyone with any experience or advice.

OP posts:

NorthernFlowerHouse · 14/10/2018 11:50

FinallyHere makes a good point. If you've not already, send one firm message confirming this is the end and telling him not to centact you again, dont worry about asking nicely, then block him on everything.

Then any more bother, dont think twice about telling the police. Hopefully he won't do anything if he doesn't know your address or workplace and lives some distance away but it wouldn't do him any harm to be reminded he can't just go through life trying to control and intimidate women.

NorthernFlowerHouse · 14/10/2018 11:51

Oh and I'm not sure what app you used but you can prob get him banned from that too.

butterfly56 · 14/10/2018 12:16

FinallyHere and NorthernFlowerHouse

Their advice is spot on!

Keep coming back here for support if you feel too overwhelmed by it all trying to deal with it yourself.

Stay Safe OP

SandyY2K · 14/10/2018 12:43

Send him a message to say it's over.

Block him on WhatsApp.

Deactivate your OLD profile for a couple of weeks.

he was saying he would put his fingers round his throat and not let go until every drop of life was drained from him

We know he's not right in the head... but I question why you hung around after he said this. What is it in you that didn't make you run a mile?

Never mind the age gap...which is too much IMO...but he got worse with every post... the above was chilling.

loveyoutothemoon · 14/10/2018 13:12

Oh my god, more red flags every time you post. How did you not see it?!!

Just block him on everything.

loveyoutothemoon · 14/10/2018 13:13

You don't need to come off OLD just block him on there.

Original poster

ru345 · 14/10/2018 13:36

Hi Guys deleted my OLD account which was new as he was on their bullying me have blocked him on WhatsApp
Why didn’t I run ? I think I actually froze with fear and gently talked him down that I wanted him by my side not inside a cell. But it did feel more like a Mafia type scenario and with him saying about internet well he could be reading this too?

So in hindsight it is only that I am writing it down here is now I realise how bad it sounds! Was trying to minimise it as just think of the flowers and being wined and dined and holidays he had booked for us away. He even booked New Year away. Totally swepted me off my feet! I am going to really miss all that bit of it

OP posts:

dirtybadger · 14/10/2018 13:37

He sounds totally unhinged. Glad you don't live nearby. Let him know it's over, you don't want contact. If he continues then tell him he's harassing you, you said no contact. He sounds like the sound of bloke who you may need to either threaten with or actually follow through with asking Police (101) for advice. But hopefully it won't come to that- especially if you haven't known him too long. Ideally he has other women on the go who he will be distracted by.

Original poster

ru345 · 14/10/2018 13:54

Dirty I think he has as he demanded I left OLD after first date but he contacted me with his old profile when I rejoined so he was probably doing this with several women your right best rid of rotten egg!

OP posts:

Original poster

ru345 · 14/10/2018 13:55

Loveyoutomoon will give myself a little break from OLD is their a manual I can read lol

OP posts:

Gfplux · 14/10/2018 14:00

It is not a bad sign that a man buys a lady flowers,

Original poster

ru345 · 14/10/2018 14:07

No I know and will miss that lovely side to him god I feel like I want him back now

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 14/10/2018 14:23

So you'll be 47 when he's over 70. It's a bit much.

I'm 55 and DP is 63. He's an ex sportsman, still tall handsome and fitter than me. I can cope with him being 68 when I'm 60. I wouldn't like to be 60 with an 85 year old to care for tho!

But it depends what you want, doesn't it. People want relationships for different things it's not one size fits all. Maybe he can be your 'Mr Right Now'.

If not then just leave him, other men will come along.

MistressDeeCee · 14/10/2018 14:47

Bloody hell..Just realised I hadn't seen the above as viewing in small screen. He threatened to strangle himself.. ?

I couldn't be asked dealing with all that. I'd have to sleep with 1 eye open next to that kind of person too.. He sounds overbearing, and off his head. All this to coerce a woman to stay with him? Bye Bye..

NorthernFlowerHouse · 14/10/2018 14:50

I agree, Mistress even if he'd been a genuine guy it's a heck of an age gap and about the age it really starts to show.

My lovely dad who's always been fit and athletic is starting to get a few mobility problems approaching that age that affect how much he can do. He's by no means decrepit and still travels lots and does his sports but im not sure how compatible someone similar would be with a 40 year old, I suppose unless it was true love or a mick jagger type set up.

Not saying people with mobility problems
can't have great relationships btw just you might've been setting yourself up for difficulties ahead.

Why don't you buy yourself the nicest bouquet you can find as a treat? Just remember, he wasn't buying flowers out of kindness.

Original poster

ru345 · 14/10/2018 15:21

No Mistress a guy from an agency I applied to started to message me outside of office hours says how pretty I looked etc on my photo and sending messages with x photos of him and gift cards. It was creepy and unprofessional told my then date/bf and he said he would strangle the guy from the agency and get away with it as don’t have fingerprints after an accident?

Lol I still got all the flowers he bought think they were expensive as seem to be lasting forever!

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 14/10/2018 15:32

rue345 oh I see...! Thought it was this guy

What Northern liberties says makes sense tho.

My dad has been fit and active most of his life, up to 5 years ago he was still going for daily early morning walks with small group of friends. Fast forward 5 years..he's a little old man who can't get around well at all. He's shrunk, too. It's shocking how quickly it happens...

You're only 47 OP. Get out there do your hobbies, socialise etc. Could meet someone in real life and at least see their face when they 1st approach you.

I know some people swear by OLD but I think it's too riddled with the oddbods and entitled and 'self employed & loving it!' aka broke. It's just too many frogs to kiss for the risk

MistressDeeCee · 14/10/2018 15:33

Northern liberties ?! WTH with autocorrect. NorthernFlowerHouse

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