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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

25yr age gap

118 replies

ru345 · 13/10/2018 18:46

Hi guys I need advise, I have been on OLD for a while and just messed around by men my own age 40 somethings. Well I met this guy who is a retired sportsman so fit and he did lie initially saying he was 12yrs younger than what he pretended but looks orginal age he pretended. He is actually 27 yrs older than me.

He is the first guy to treat me lovely and respectful not after a quick fling etc however he is settled in his ways. Should I continue continue this? Anyone with any experience or advice.

OP posts:

Original poster

ru345 · 13/10/2018 23:01

Kayak thanks for that and it isn’t age tbh it’s lying about it and everything else he has this child syndrome doesn’t want to grow up and use me as a toy to keep him young?

OP posts:

RomanyRoots · 13/10/2018 23:01

He lied to you to begin with, it would go no further if it was me.
Add on that I'd like to make plans for old age, and it obviously wouldn't include him.
I've seen it in my own family and the poor widow said the worst thing was all their plans were gone.
he was 79 and she is 60

5BlueHydrangea · 13/10/2018 23:04

My dh and I have a similar age gap, he's not rich! I'm a similar age to you OP. We've been together 15 years and doing fine. Not for everyone and I certainly wasn't looking for an older man but it works for us. He is early 70's now although looks a fair bit younger, and is starting to get a bit 'older' but it's fine. Who knows what the future will bring us but although things are far from perfect, they have been pretty good so far.

OP yours is a completely different picture, get rid...

KataraJean · 13/10/2018 23:06

It does not matter what syndrome he has or why he does it, what matters is the effect on you (and your DC).

I think it would be much better to live your life without him in it

Original poster

ru345 · 13/10/2018 23:09

Katara there possibly is more and too scared to find out what next as he says to me often ‘you don’t know the real me yet’ but he did say early in he knows what is happening on WWW as has contacts and repeated nearly word for word what another guy said to me that morning on OLD that day! I left OLD that day as it was day after first date and he was so paranoid I was chatting to others.
Then a man what’s app me which and he said he would kill him and had no fingerprints so would never be caught! That did scare me a bit but thankfully never got to call the man despite nothing going on just him being paranoid!

OP posts:

KeiTeNgeNge · 13/10/2018 23:17

Yeah he sounds a right arse so get rid. Then you don’t have to be involved in all this drama.

Original poster

ru345 · 13/10/2018 23:22

He’s gone as wont have any more contact now Kei thankfully it was very early days and only had dinner dates

OP posts:

butterfly56 · 13/10/2018 23:28

Oh dear OP there are so many red flags in your posts about him but this one stands out....

What was odd that despite knowing I had a child with ASD he kept saying he only comes first in life and I will love him and give him all my attention as he doesn’t come second even to a child! Now I thought that was odd!

This also means that you are not on his list of priorities either and never will be!

You need to end this situation asap.
He's not a nice person by any stretch of the imagination he displays all the traits of a narcissistic personality.
He will not take the rejection well as he think's he's the one in total control....the relationship ends when he say it ends.

Don't fall for anymore of his bullshit. He is a liar and a manipulator.
I hope you can find the strength to dump him asap.

butterfly56 · 13/10/2018 23:34

Cross posted OP
Just seen your update and so glad you have managed to get shut of him!

PlinkPlink · 13/10/2018 23:35

Well done OP on getting rid.

Glad you looked up lovebombing. I would have responded but have been busy this eve.

You have totally done the right thing. You can block him on OLD if he goes looking for you again. You can also block on WhatsApp and on your phone should you need to do so.

It's good that you listened to your gut. It often protects us. It's a scary world in the OLD world but you get used to it and you start to spot the red flags pretty quickly after a while.

Original poster

ru345 · 13/10/2018 23:38

Butterfly he said once now I remember that he comes first before I do... narcissistic came up with Peter Pan earlier and made me shudder! He has raged like with man WhatsApp me that time he was saying he would put his fingers round his throat and not let go until every drop of life was drained from him it made me shudder the way he said it! Like a mafia person pure cold...oooh feel cold thinking back!
Also creeped me out saying he could read what I was doing online but when I asked him he laughed saying wouldn’t I like to know!

OP posts:

Original poster

ru345 · 13/10/2018 23:40

Well have not told him it’s over just going no contact as a bit scared to tell him. So will get messages for a day or so?

OP posts:

Cherryberrypie · 13/10/2018 23:48

Run, run, run and run fast. He scares me and I’ve never met him!!!!

princesstiasmum · 14/10/2018 00:08

See if he is still buying you flowers , and being lovely
When they have got what they want,it might stop, in a few months time when he has you hooked
Lies are not a good thing to start with,
i met someone like this,its like being groomed, with someone so much older,and yes it can happen to adults too,
Be warned and be careful, hope its not like this in your case

ILovePierceBrosnan · 14/10/2018 07:19

Block him on all social media and phones.

KataraJean · 14/10/2018 07:31

Does he know where you live or work, if it was only dinner dates?

Dieu · 14/10/2018 07:40

He sounds awful! He just wants a trophy partner, and not an equal.

Dump the randy old goat's wrinkly ass!

FinallyHere · 14/10/2018 07:52

Uummm, having read a bit about the evidence required if you ever had to contact police re stalking and/ or harassment, i would send him a very short message saying you are over and instructing him to not contact you again, screen shot that message including date and time, and then block him on everything.

Better safe ...

sofato5miles · 14/10/2018 07:58

He went after you knowing the age difference. That would put me off massively.

NorthernFlowerHouse · 14/10/2018 09:45

Well done for ending it OP, he sounded nightmarish!

Onwards and upwards, you sound lovely and I know OLD takes it out of you but the advice is to just keep at it and get yourself out there socially too without letting your own standards and boundaries be eroded. You knew this wasn't good enough with all the lies and remarks.

Original poster

ru345 · 14/10/2018 10:16

Thanks guys for your support I am getting a mass of emotional abusive nessages and finding it hard not to bite back and engage. Thankfully he doesn’t know where I live or work but it would not take him long to find my works as he knows my job hours I work etc that is a worry but his car would stand out as a posh rare one so would stand out like sore thumb. Also he lives so far away may put him off stalking hopefully. Hopefully his rage will calm down as day progresses

OP posts:

Original poster

ru345 · 14/10/2018 10:49

And yes does sound like grooming now princesstiasmum yuck! It was hard enough trying to sus the players on OLD now this is a total different type of character but back on OLD bit giving up hope yet!

OP posts:

floppyearsandtail · 14/10/2018 11:09

Just because he's an old wrinkly doesn't mean he's not a psycho!

OurMiracle1106 · 14/10/2018 11:10

I’m glad you’ve got rid. Please stay strong. People like him with stoop to whole new lows

Original poster

ru345 · 14/10/2018 11:20

Thanks he is sending me messages on OLD then when I go online to read them sending me photos on WhatsApp saying I am online and calling me all sorts turning it on me I have asked him nicely to stop but it’s upsetting me now. I feel so sad as he was so so lovely and romantic like I said but now has just turned into something horrid which I wasn’t expecting!

OP posts:

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