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Original poster

Would you say no?

80 replies

Dhapeer · 13/10/2018 12:42

Not interested in happily marrieds responses.

If you're single and you saw a guy for a few months and he ended it and now wants to resume it on a shag only basis, would you?

If you really really liked him? Or would you say no entirely. He's moving to Australia after Christmas, but it would always have been a shag only basis.

Am I insane to consider this? The sex is worth it, but what am I signing up for?

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 13/10/2018 12:43

If you don't want to be emotionally unloved in a relationship then yes. Have fun and be safe

user1483387154 · 13/10/2018 12:43

Involved not unloved . Omg!

Original poster
Dhapeer · 13/10/2018 12:44

When I say the sex is worth it, it's because it's gentle and 'loving' even though that's not what it is..

OP posts:
Original poster
Dhapeer · 13/10/2018 12:45

I'm involved. He's not.

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 13/10/2018 12:46

Why waste your time? You could find someone has better long term potential in that period . You risk get emotionally attached and upsetting yourself when he eventually does leave. Move on would be my advice.

JK1773 · 13/10/2018 12:47

I’d say no. You’ll get hurt and it’s not worth it

Ginger1982 · 13/10/2018 12:47

You're only going to get hurt.

sparklyfee · 13/10/2018 12:47

No, don't do it. You'll get hurt. He knows you feel differently about him and is using this to get sex. Not nice

SpoonBlender · 13/10/2018 12:48

You're only stringing yourself along, delaying the hurt a bit.

Might be worth it, but probably not - the placebo effect of the 'loving' sex will be gone now you know.

apintofharpandapacketofdates · 13/10/2018 12:49

Gosh I don't know. If it were me I'd be weighing up whether I could offset the negative emotions with positive ones.

If the pro's outweigh the cons, go for it. With your eyes open and your heart guarded.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 13/10/2018 12:50

so you want MN approval to embark on a time stamped affair with Australia boy?? ...assuming by "involved" you mean with someone else?

if you mean involved with him, then FWB never ends well when one is in for the long haul and the other is just scratching an itch.

Antigon · 13/10/2018 12:50

Why waste your energy on him? Pretend his ship has already sailed.

QuaterMiss · 13/10/2018 12:51

he ended it and now wants to resume it - on his terms.

Not much self-determination for you in this set-up OP. It’s all about him - you’re just there to be picked up and dropped at will.

Demeaning. And horrible.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 13/10/2018 12:57

If you do it, you may very well get hurt. But sometimes we need to get hurt to bring about change.

Sethis · 13/10/2018 12:59

Cost/benefit analysis:

Benefit: Good sex

Cost: Emotional upset when he leaves

Difficult to call, because good sex is a flat value, while Emotional upset is unpredictable and on a sliding scale. You might not be upset at all, because between now and Xmas you fully understand and accept that it's going to end and it's 100% sex. On the other extreme you could spend the time between now and Xmas falling more and more in love with him, begging him not to leave, and then weeping piteously for weeks after he goes.

Without knowing anything about you, it's hard to tell where you're going to fall on that scale.

I guess if you're going to keep looking for a real partner between now and Xmas regardless of the sex, and you're happy to call it off if you do find someone, it can't hurt too much to have good sex in the meantime.

On the other hand if you have no intention/ability to look for a real partner between now and Xmas then it's going to be a lot more upsetting for you when he does leave.

Also note that many people are not happy to find out after the fact that their partner was shagging another person even past the point of their first date together, so if you do go dating while this guy is still in the country, it's probably advisable to not see him while you're cultivating a real "option" so to speak.

MattBerrysHair · 13/10/2018 13:03

No way. I did this a few years ago and was utterly heart broken by the end of it. I was desperate for any scrap of attention in the hope that he'd suddenly reciprocate my feelings, which obviously never happened. Since then I've developed some self-respect and would never put myself in that situation again.

Honeybooboo123 · 13/10/2018 13:04

No. Too painful.

Samantha2018 · 13/10/2018 13:04

Been here it's not worth it when you have feelings and they don't. You'll always be hoping they change! Move on

Raglansleeve · 13/10/2018 13:05

Ms Titan, I read it that OP is ‘involved’ with Aussieboy, I.e. has more emotional feelings for him than he obviously does for her, not that she’s involved with someone else and is looking to Aussieboy for a quick shag.

TBH I don’t think it will do you self esteem any good if you go ahead. Would be fine if you weren’t so invested in him.

LondonLassInTheCountry · 13/10/2018 13:05

You will not gain anything out of this.

He wants to just use you.

Say no. Have some dignity

AnyFucker · 13/10/2018 13:06

I have an idea to help you resolve this

Ask the person you are "involved" with what he/she thinks

WheelyCote · 13/10/2018 13:08

No
Unless u want to have your life distracted and head wrecked.

dirtybadger · 13/10/2018 13:08

No. It's better to get over him now than have an even harder time of it in 3 months.

It's a lot more fun when you know you're both only in it for a good time.

There are plenty of other men who are good in bed.

Magik1 · 13/10/2018 13:10

You’re signing up to hopelessly wishing he’ll change his mind about you for the next few months and feeling crap when he doesn’t. Then he’s still gonna leave and will have had his cake etc.

Don’t waste your time, use it to find someone who does feel the same way about you, you’re only delaying the inevitable hurt.

Imadetherightchoice · 13/10/2018 13:12

Dump him and start looking around ! You could spend Christmas with someone who really likes you for yourself !

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