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Original poster

Would you say no?

80 replies

Dhapeer · 13/10/2018 12:42

Not interested in happily marrieds responses.

If you're single and you saw a guy for a few months and he ended it and now wants to resume it on a shag only basis, would you?

If you really really liked him? Or would you say no entirely. He's moving to Australia after Christmas, but it would always have been a shag only basis.

Am I insane to consider this? The sex is worth it, but what am I signing up for?

OP posts:
redwineandcrisps · 13/10/2018 13:12

I am all for fwb type things, but as soon as you have more feelings you are going to end up hurt. I totally understand it though, But it’s better to walk away now and show him you have some self respect, because in this situation he’s offering you crumbs and you deserve more!

Anniegetyourgun · 13/10/2018 13:19

Am I misreading this or are others? I thought the OP meant that she is emotionally involved with this fellow whilst he is simply in it for the shag. She did start off by saying "if you're single"...

Anniegetyourgun · 13/10/2018 13:19

... rather than that she's involved with some third party, that is.

MagicalTwinky · 13/10/2018 13:28

Nope, been there, done that! He waltzed off with someone else despite "not being ready for a relationship" and I got badly hurt. They tend to offer enough to keep you dangling emotionally so it's not as simple as thinking it'll be FWB, or at least that was my experience of it.

dirtybadger · 13/10/2018 13:33

@Annie no I think you've read it right. Only one person has read it the other way so think it's likely that was just misunderstanding. He sounded single to me from phrasing.

Djnoun · 13/10/2018 13:33

It depends entirely on your ability to compartmentalise your feelings. But sex will cause bonding to increase, so you have to have a certain amount of mental fortitude to get through that.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 13/10/2018 13:33

i can't decide! The not interested in happily marrieds made me wonder

probably will cross post, isn't that always the way?

Lynne1Cat · 13/10/2018 13:35

This reply has been deleted

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Yonijust · 13/10/2018 13:38

No way, so if he wants to shag see you say, once a week, does that mean he could be shagging seeing 6 others that week?

dirtybadger · 13/10/2018 13:38

@Lynne1cat not sure having a FWB is directly comparable with sex work?

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/10/2018 13:38

So you like him and he doesn’t really like you, but he’s prepared to use you for sex until he goes...hmm...what could go wrong?

Don’t you think you matter a bit more than that? It’s like you’re saying you don’t care if you get hurt.

Find another FWB if that’s what you want, which is fine - doesn’t sound like it’s a good idea to do that with him though.

redwineandcrisps · 13/10/2018 13:38

Lynne1Cat that’s a bit harsh! I’ve had sex without caring for the bloke in the past, doesn’t make me a prostitute!

In this situation though, op has feelings and so will end up being hurt / wanting more. That’s the issue, not the sex!

PookieDo · 13/10/2018 13:39

No because it’s just going to prolong the pain it Will cause you

Tinty · 13/10/2018 13:41

If you really really liked him - then No.

If you really liked the sex and haven't time to meet someone else - then maybe.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 13/10/2018 13:41

I wouldn't. The only part of the relationship with you that he misses, appreciates, and wants to continue is the bit where he had his cock in you.

ALL the other parts - listening to you talk, walking into public places with you, eating with you, spending time with your/his friends, hearing about your day, spending money on you - he doesn't want to continue.

If you want to be treated like a free sex doll, go for it.

Kennycalmit · 13/10/2018 14:24

Are you mad ?

You ‘really really’ like him but the only thing he will offer you is just sex. You will go into this secretly hoping he will change his mind but he won’t. He will remind you all along he’s been honest and only wanted sex however by that point you’d have fallen for him even more. You’ll come back in a few months time once he moves or finds a girlfriend he genuinely likes and you’ll be calling him a bastard for hurting you and asking how to move on.

No. Don’t even go there Hmm

Original poster
Dhapeer · 13/10/2018 14:40

The only part of the relationship with you that he misses, appreciates, and wants to continue is the bit where he had his cock in you.

ALL the other parts - listening to you talk, walking into public places with you, eating with you, spending time with your/his friends, hearing about your day, spending money on you - he doesn't want to continue.

That has really spelled it out. Yes, I'm too involved. and for the weird person, both of us are single.
Ok. Not quite the sucker punch of a broken heart but needed.

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 13/10/2018 14:41

Up to you really as long as you protect yourself against being hurt. If you do decide to go ahead, make it on your terms, eg don't always be available - and when you are together make it memorable! So he knows what he's been missing.

Good luck.

MarthasGinYard · 13/10/2018 14:44

'I'm involved. He's not'

No and that's why

Justkeeprollingalong · 13/10/2018 14:46

Don't do it. Have some self-respect.

Musti · 13/10/2018 14:47

I wouldn't as it would just hurt more, make him even more of a prize in your eyes than he already is and it will take longer to get over him and be more painful.

Original poster
Dhapeer · 13/10/2018 14:51

I don't know what this word 'self-respect' is. It means nothing. Can someone explain to me what self respect is?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dhapeer · 13/10/2018 14:52

Yes, I agree, I'm prolonging the pain and probably worse pain. I was over the fucker, why he came back God knows.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 13/10/2018 14:55

Self-respect is where you value yourself too much to be nothing but a sexual outlet for a man for whom you have deeper feelings.

TomHardysNextWife · 13/10/2018 14:58

Walk away. It will hurt, but a lot less than walking away in 2 months time.

You need to value your own worth before others will do the same Flowers

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