Noooooooooooooo! Caught DP rubbing one out and it’s freaked me

[babygoose48]

First time it’s happened in the 4 and half years.

Came home from parents evening tonight and all the lights were on but the door was locked. Went inside, called out to DP... nothing. Grabbed a pile of clean clothes from the kitchen and I heard he was upstairs with a video playing reallllyyyy loudly.

Went up with pile of washing. Noise was coming from bathroom. Shouted out ‘Heyyy!’ Turned corner to bathroom, door was wide open...

DP standing there, audibly watching porn on his phone and rubbing one out.

I was just stood there gawping with this pile of bloody clothes, and then I noticed that he was that far in to it he didn’t even realise I was standing there beside him so I scarpered in to the bedroom.

I sat there for ten minutes panicking and folding these clothes whilst he finished.

I mean, I know he wanks and I know he watches porn as we’ve both told each other we do, but I’ve never caught him in the act and it’s really freaked me out, I’ve never seen him like that before!

Felt dead weird all night, especially when he came to the bedroom and realised I must have walked past at some point and we had a quick chat but I think I’m still in shock.

Please someone make me feel better I don’t know whether to laugh or cry

Oh for god sake.

The OP doesn’t give a shit that her husband watches porn. GET OVER IT PEOPLE! Just because some of you have issues with that it doesn’t mean everyone else has to.

And no, not all women in porn are raped, abused and forced into it.

OP - Have read your other posts. You sound deeply unhappy and conflicted in them. He does not sound like a nice man at all - I know you;ve been talking about leaving him, but how many last straws do you need?

This is another example of why I absolutely love Mumsnet.

We have lovetherisingsun thinking they're a relationship counsellor, suddenly going through the OP's previous posts to again turn this into a LTB thread.

Then we have the crusader Kennycalmit (who I absolutely agree 100% with) bringing everyone back down to earth from their pearl clutching over porn. It wasn't a post about porn, it wasn't a post about what posters think of porn, but they all chuck their tuppence in. Well done Kenny, I salute you!

I swear posters just scan posts for keywords. 'porn' = LTB, 'lazy' = LTB, 'hobby' = affair, 'money' = LTB

Never change Mumsnet, never change.

OP - Hope you're okay this morning!

@Kennycalmit And no, not all women in porn are raped, abused and forced into it.

No, but plenty are and no one can actually say 100% the porn they are viewing is not a woman who is being raped, drugged, abused and forced into it. So Yes, porn is shit. But continue to bury your head in the sand so you can wank away with your "clear conscience"..

no one can actually say 100% the porn they are viewing is not a woman who is being raped, drugged, abused and forced into it.

By that measure you yourself should never eat food grown on an agricultural scale, go to a restaurant, go to a spa, or a nail salon. Because nobody can say 100% that the food they eat, or the massage they receive hasn't been touched by the hands of modern slavery.

There are plenty of responsible porn makers out there, if you bother to look. The problem is that they're behind paywalls because, you know, paying your actresses decent money requires subscription fees.

If you want to buy an ethical birthday present for your DP then consider an annual subscription to a responsible porn outlet, often with female directors. That way you know your DP isn't benefiting from the suffering of others by just going on pornhub every time.

You're so right sethis women never abuse or degrade other women, how foolish of me to include female directors of porn in my sweeping statement.

Oh, DFOD @BlueNeighbourhood

@babygood48 yeah but did he hang his dirty towel up again afterwards?

seth did you actually just advise women to buy porn as a present ?

Creep

@PhilODox

You contend, then, that all pornography is inherently abusive, regardless of the treatment of the actors?

Because my point was that there is a percentage of porn which is not abusive.

Of that percentage, a significant proportion of it is produced by women.

If that fact (and it is a fact) prompts you to sarcasm, then by all means, go ahead. However I don't think it's a particularly constructive contribution.

@AnyFucker

Any more or less creepy than a DH buying his DW a vibrator?

You contend, then, that all pornography is inherently abusive, regardless of the treatment of the actors?

Yes I do- it is demeaning, degrading, and objectifies sex, and in particular is demeaning, degrading and objectifying of women.

A vibrator is not porn. Is that not clear to you, Seth ?

I must say I would be, to put it mildly, surprised if my husband bought me a vibrator for my birthday! But yes, buying your husband a porn subscription would be creepier.

@PhilODox

it is demeaning, degrading, and objectifies sex, and in particular is demeaning, degrading and objectifying of women.

Hypothetical: My DP and I, who love each other very much, both enjoy uploading videos of us having sex to the internet. A website pays us for this. It makes a great addition to our monthly income and is super fun to create.

Explain to me where in the above instance my DP is degraded.

Or, alternatively, re-examine your use of the words "All pornography".

@AnyFucker

I did not say they were the same thing. I suggest that they're morally similar.

Both are used to aid masturbation. Both can be used singly or with a partner. One is made by paying people to have sex. The other is made in Taiwan or China, by factory workers who are probably being paid a dollar per day, working 14 hour shifts, and most likely breathing toxic chemicals from the factory, thus shortening their lives.

Why reserve your moral outrage for one over the other?

Not surprised to see you are heavily invested in porn, Seth

@AnyFucker

1. Insult someone
2. Ignore their question to you
3. Avoid the topic being discussed

Good work.

If you're going to contract the username, at least contract it to the base form - Set. Not Seth.

I assumed it was a rhetorical question, Seth. You don't really expect an answer, you just want to appear clever with your false equivalences. Whataboutery is not a gotcha.

Whereas ad hominem attacks, sarcasm, and an inability to give an explanation for your own position are the height of your ability to hold a debate? Mkay. Have fun with that.

Are you having fun, Seth ?

Is it that surprising to you? After four years, you've never seen or heard him doing this?

I'm a woman, but when I get the house to myself, I usually pleasure myself. I don't see what he did wrong in your eyes. Was there something more to this that you're not letting on, because I seriously have no idea why you're even shocked.

MarthasGinYard "'We have an active sex life (and less so recently because I’ve been ill and he has told me he’s been frustrated so my bad really!)"

You don't need to be up for sex all the time?

Sorry I didn't intend the question mark!!!

Urgh, just read your other thread.
What a prize this man is.

Kennycalmit porn - just because some of you don't have issues with that it doesn’t mean everyone else is OK with it.

BlueNeighbourhood no one's clutching pearls, that's such a tired little image!

Sethis So you make porn and upload it. With your partner. I find that really sad. I find it deeply dehumanizing.

You are entitled to your thoughts and views, of course, but I find that sad.

I also don't think that your being involved in that little corner of the porn industry means you know about the 99.99% of the rest of the stuff that goes on. Lots of people find porn deeply troubling. It's not trendy to say so, which is why o don't mind appearing not trendy.