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Original poster

Noooooooooooooo! Caught DP rubbing one out and it’s freaked me

119 replies

babygoose48 · 12/10/2018 00:07

First time it’s happened in the 4 and half years.

Came home from parents evening tonight and all the lights were on but the door was locked. Went inside, called out to DP... nothing. Grabbed a pile of clean clothes from the kitchen and I heard he was upstairs with a video playing reallllyyyy loudly.

Went up with pile of washing. Noise was coming from bathroom. Shouted out ‘Heyyy!’ Turned corner to bathroom, door was wide open...

DP standing there, audibly watching porn on his phone and rubbing one out.

I was just stood there gawping with this pile of bloody clothes, and then I noticed that he was that far in to it he didn’t even realise I was standing there beside him so I scarpered in to the bedroom.

I sat there for ten minutes panicking and folding these clothes whilst he finished.

I mean, I know he wanks and I know he watches porn as we’ve both told each other we do, but I’ve never caught him in the act and it’s really freaked me out, I’ve never seen him like that before!

Felt dead weird all night, especially when he came to the bedroom and realised I must have walked past at some point and we had a quick chat but I think I’m still in shock.

Please someone make me feel better I don’t know whether to laugh or cry Confused

OP posts:
NicoAndTheNiners · 12/10/2018 06:34

Well you say you don’t have a problem with porn and use it yourself and already knew he did.

So it all seems a bit drama llama to be so shook up by it. You sat there for ten minutes panicking? Really? I’d have giggled and gone down and had a cup of tea.

Obviously if you had an issue with him using porn it would be different but you say you don’t. You saw him doing something you’ve previously given him the impression you’re fine with and allude that you do it yourself.

AjasLipstick · 12/10/2018 06:39

Phil exactly. My DH had his awakening after watching some documentary...can't remember which. He could never look at porn again after that and still gets upset when he thinks about it.

Shoxfordian · 12/10/2018 06:42

Seems a bit over dramatic op
Most people masturbate, there's nothing wrong with it. Obviously if you had children that could have seen then that's wrong but your post doesn't say that. If he's on his own in the house and not expecting you back then I can't really see the issue

lovetherisingsun · 12/10/2018 06:47

He was probably fully aware you were there, and was hoping you'd come in and "help him out".

daisyreadmere · 12/10/2018 06:53

This is weird Confused

cakecakecheese · 12/10/2018 06:55

I'm guessing the shock was more to do with you were fine knowing he was doing it in the abstract sense but actually seeing him doing it took you by surprise. How is your sex life? If he's not wanting sex with you but spending his time masturbating to porn then you might have a problem. Otherwise yes tell him to lock the door in future!

Sethis · 12/10/2018 07:01

I'm more confused as to how you reach 4.5 years in a relationship having never masturbated together.

In terms of privacy, I imagine locking the front door is generally considered to be enough. When I go to the toilet, if the front door is locked I generally don't bother locking the bathroom door because it seems somewhat redundant.

However the guy really should notice that someone else has entered the house... serious lack of situational awareness there.

Original poster
babygoose48 · 12/10/2018 07:02

Oh haha your responses made me laugh!

Yeah I’m absolutely okay with the cheeky after work fap/porn thing (but I understand why some women are against porn - also I’m really relieved it was your big standard porn imagine if it was something a bit weird?!), I think the downright shock of it came down to the fact it was unexpected and that it was the first time I’ve ever really seen him in such a vulnerable state which moment was made for him only! We have an active sex life (and less so recently because I’ve been ill and he has told me he’s been frustrated so my bad really!) but he’s very coy when it comes to touching himself in front of me, and when we have talked about having our own private time he’s also gone super quiet over it... so I never expected a full on show!

A bit of context on the parents evening thing... it was my child’s school and I’d gone to see her teacher, my DD isn’t DP’s D, and my DD was at her fathers that night. I think he’d forgotten about it as well because I did find a text afterwards asking where I was off him ha. He obviously thought oooh free house, hence why he’d left the door open!

Still, you are right to say anyone could have caught him with the door open Angry

Anyway I’m seeing the funny side of it this morning now the initial shock has passed. I bet he was dying inside when he realised it caught him bless.

OP posts:
TwinMummy1981 · 12/10/2018 07:10

Argh, not the best thing for your eyes I’m sure!!
I’d have no problem with the masturbation or the porn, like you say, you do it too. I don’t think there’s anything wrong or sinister in what he’s done, he’s thought he’s got a free house and it’s backfired. Why would he close the door if he didn’t think anyone was going to come home?
Honestly, just put it down to bad timing and have a laugh about it. I’m sure he’ll lock the door in the future so it’s ublukely to happen again Grin

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 12/10/2018 07:17

did a Genie pop out at the end?? Rubbing away all I can think about is Aladdin!!! Sorry OP but you with your washing and him rubbing away oh no he didn't!! Oh yes he did!! She's behind you!!!!! I will think abut this post and chuckle at the pair of you when I go to the panto this year!!

Italiangreyhound · 12/10/2018 07:59

MushroomMushroom "... i think it's very naive for women to believe their DHs don't watch porn, " it's not.

Your assumption about half the population is wrong and really very sad.

Italiangreyhound · 12/10/2018 08:03

PhilODox completely agree. I personally think y'all men watch porn' is a version of 'biys will be boy's. Just shit.

"Still, you are right to say anyone could have caught him with the door open "

How many people does he love with? Xluod flat mates gave caught him? If he lives alone then I think it is fair enough. There is nothing wrong with masturbation in my book. I think I would talk to him and clear the air.

Italiangreyhound · 12/10/2018 08:04

live with!

AjasLipstick · 12/10/2018 08:06

Fap frigging FAP!!???

OP is a 16 year old male Redditor surely?

OP...why do you use such phrases!?? They're teen words! Gross.

barbiegrl · 12/10/2018 08:07

Bless I can imagine the shock in the moment! When we were engaged, I remember waking one night and my do wasn't in bed with me, I got up to see what was happening and I saw a light coming through the crack in the door of the study,open the door and there he is going at it in front of the computer-he looks up like a rabbit caught in the headlights and jumps up in his panic and slams the door in my face! He sheepishly came back to the bedroom and I reassured him that I wasn't upset,I had just been wondering where he was. I still have a laugh at the memory

MarthasGinYard · 12/10/2018 08:09

'We have an active sex life (and less so recently because I’ve been ill and he has told me he’s been frustrated so my bad really!)'Confused

AjasLipstick · 12/10/2018 08:10

Oh my God.

OP I've read some of your other threads. This "man" is an absolute DICK and a nasty bastard.

LEave for your child's sake.

MarthasGinYard · 12/10/2018 08:21

Ugh I've had a glance too now

Chuck the little wank stain out the door and FGS get him away from your daughter.

He's vile

Absla · 12/10/2018 08:39

I’m sorry if one would think I’m a naive young girl, but the thought of a ‘wank’ actually repulses me. Sex and anything to do with it it WITH ME for that matter that’s a wide open book for my partner.

I think if I caught him like this there would have been a deathly scream.

🤢🤢🤢🤢🤯🤯🤯🤯

But I know I AM the minority and I’m totally cool with that 😂😱

Lost5stone · 12/10/2018 08:45

Had a glance too, thought you were leaving him??

'We have an active sex life (and less so recently because I’ve been ill and he has told me he’s been frustrated so my bad really!)'

That's pretty telling. It's not your bad at all.

mogratpineapple · 12/10/2018 09:39

@Absla wow, and I thought I was the only one! Haha! Thank you!

Dahlietta · 12/10/2018 09:43

He sounds like a classy guy Confused

KittensAndCake · 12/10/2018 09:55

I think he’d forgotten about it as well because I did find a text afterwards asking where I was off him ha. He obviously thought oooh free house, hence why he’d left the door open!

He'd forgotton where you and your DD were? So he didn't know that your dd wasn't going to walk in on him?
Ewww, that's not on, your DD doesn't need to see that Envy

Jagblue · 12/10/2018 10:01

LuckyDiamond that's really funny. Maybe he was just taking his time...

erinaceus · 12/10/2018 11:55

It sounds as if you are over the shock this morning. I don’t think your reaction is an overreaction. Being blindsided by an out-of-context sex act, even by your regular partner, is within the realms of normal.

I do agree with another poster that having been off sex due to being ill does not make his frustration your bad, that is slightly odd logic, and if his words or behaviour reenforce you thinking like that then his logic is also flawed on this point.

Other than that, glad you’re ok this morning.