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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

boyfriend hysterically crying - is he unstable?

90 replies

Riveroftears · 06/10/2018 16:47

ok so this is a bit of an odd one. I’ve been exclusive with this guy for two months but have had a gut feeling he might not fully be over his ex. They split up eight months ago - she left him for another man and he said he was heartbroken.

He has brought her up a few times since I’ve known him but it’s just been trash talking. He is clearly very bitter about the split. Last night out of the blue he asked me what the most weight is I’ve lost after a break up (bit of a strange question I thought) and then he told me he lost four stone in a month when his ex left him, he couldn’t eat, sleep etc.

Tbh id had enough of hearing about his heartbreak and I pulled him up on it and asked him outright if he was ready to start dating again. He said he definitely was and I just said it made me uncomfortable how often he bangs on about his ex and that maybe we should call it a day.

He then burst into tears and was crying hysterically saying he’s over her and he felt really bad for making me feel uncomfortable. It was one of the most awkward moments, we were at his house and there he was sobbing his heart out saying he was over his ex but was angry at her for leaving him for another man and embarrassing him like that. Then he started going on about how he feels like an outsider and an oddball and how he has never fitted in. I tried to console him and he calmed down after a while but I’m left wondering wtf to do now. He seems very broken and a a bit unstable but If I leave him I will be another woman who has upped and left him.

He is 31 btw. One of my friends thinks he sounds manipulative, crying cos he was worried I was going to leave him but I’m not sure if that’s the case here?

OP posts:
Dljlr · 06/10/2018 16:49

if I leave him I will be another woman who has upped and left him.

You've answered your own question with this line. I wouldn't be hanging around if I were you.

Thingsdogetbetter · 06/10/2018 16:55

Run! Fucking fast!

You can't stay with some just because you feel bad about their bad relationship history. Do you plan to stay with him FOREVER just so he doesn't add you to the list of women who left him?

He's clearly not ready to be dating. He's not over his ex leaving no matter what he says. I agree with both you and your friend. He's broken, unstable AND manipulative. It's not your job to fix him, but BOTH of you are acting like it is.

Get out now. It's only been two fucking months and the 'honeymoon' period has been taken up with his issues and his ex. Get out before he sucks you in deeper.

Conflicted1 · 06/10/2018 16:59

This all sounds a bit too much too soon IMO, I couldn't be arsed with that.

Two months in you should be enjoying getting to know one another and having a great time of it, not consoling him about his last break up.

He is probably on the rebound to get over his ex, that's not to say he isn't into you but I know if I were you I wouldn't feel fulfilled or satisfied with your current position and for me I'd have to wish him well and call it a day.

Riveroftears · 06/10/2018 16:59

things I’ve taken everything you said on board, your right I can’t stay with him out of pity. I just don’t see why he’s so insistent he’s over her when he clearly isn’t? He has been really clingy today and keeps asking if I’m going to leave him. This is just madness really.

OP posts:
HereIgoagainxx · 06/10/2018 17:02

He lost 4stone in a month. Bloody hell.

Sounds like he wasn't ready to date at all, but having someone eased his pain. That's probably why he says he is over ex (when you feel he isn't).

HundredMilesAnHour · 06/10/2018 17:06

He said he lost four stone in a month? That's not physically possible. By any stretch of the imagination. Does he lie or exaggerate other things?

The whole thing sounds miserable. Just walk away. He isn't ready for a relationship no matter what he says. And you deserve someone who in the first two months is thinking about YOU rather than an ex.

Talith · 06/10/2018 17:08

He's not ready to date again. Hopefully this is the fall-out from a bad break up but it could be that he's not emotionally capable of being in a relationship. Either way I don't think it's healthy for you.

Four stone in a month is bollocks unless he had a leg amputated. And he's tall.

MistressDeeCee · 06/10/2018 17:08

I've been there with somebody who claim to be over his ex but he really and truly wasn't. To be honest I got bored hearing about it all, and putting up with his dropping her name every day. So I left m

I mean, I do hope he got help for his feelings but to be honest they weren't my responsibility so I'd no issue with leaving him. I didn't need a drain in my life.

Haworthia · 06/10/2018 17:09

Run.

Unstable or not, mental health problems or not, do you really want to be second guessing his readiness to date all the time? Walking on eggshells in case his mood crashes again?

This man is not a catch. Move on.

AnyFucker · 06/10/2018 17:11

Do you even still fancy him after that display of fuckwittedness ?

MrsJayy · 06/10/2018 17:14

Dating is meant to be fun and romantic this sounds bloody miserable. Imo you should ease off seeing him then let it go do you want to be years down the line resenting him because you once felt sorry for him ?

strongandlong · 06/10/2018 17:15

"you deserve someone who in the first two months is thinking about YOU rather than an ex."

^^this

MrsJayy · 06/10/2018 17:16

You have been with this guy 8 whole weeks and he is pulling shit like that Nah wouldn't be me.

Hogglesballs · 06/10/2018 17:17

Oh bloody hell, he's not over it and I think he needs some sort of counselling. Not saying that in a horrible way, I have just been through a horrible break up (he cheated, left) and lost loads of weight and felt terrible. Had to get counselling myself. No way would I be ready for a realtionship or a date.

Riveroftears · 06/10/2018 17:19

When he was having his meltdown last night he accidentally called me her name 🙈
The thing is he is usually so sweet, caring and lovely to me and we have had some lovely dates. He doesn’t mention his ex all the time but I guess he shouldn’t be mentioning her at all especially in such a negative way

As for the four stone...I was very Hmm at that too. Think he is prone to exaggerating tbh.

OP posts:
Hogglesballs · 06/10/2018 17:20

I don't agree that he's manipulative, he's just not over a bad break up and he shouldn't have started dating. I agree you do deserve better than this, he needs to be on his own/with friends and finish grieving and work on himself.

Hogglesballs · 06/10/2018 17:21

Well he might have lost a lot of weight and might be overblowing it if he is all over the place. I lost a stone in a month when it happened to me.

5BlueHydrangea · 06/10/2018 17:22

Say Goodbye....

Bluntness100 · 06/10/2018 17:27

It's two months. End it. It shouldn't be this hard at the start.

TicketyBoo83 · 06/10/2018 17:28

He has been really clingy today and keeps asking if I’m going to leave him

2 months in and you’re putting up with endless wittering about his ex and now this?

HereIgoagainxx · 06/10/2018 17:29

I don't see it as manipulative either. He's clearly in emotional pain. He really does need some counselling. I actually feel sorry for him, having been through one very bad breakup over 20 years ago. I also lost loads of weight and sought out another partner quickly. It truly was one of the worst times in my life.

thethoughtfox · 06/10/2018 17:29

Of course he is going to say he is over her. If he tells you the truth, you will leave.

Magicstar1 · 06/10/2018 17:29

How long was he with his ex? I bet it wasn't very long.

Buggerbrexit · 06/10/2018 17:31

Run run run

April2018mom · 06/10/2018 17:32

Nothing about this is normal. You need to leave him and his problems and move on with your life. Everything about this screams bad news get out now before it’s too late for reasonable action. Trust me.