boyfriend hysterically crying - is he unstable?

[Riveroftears]

ok so this is a bit of an odd one. I’ve been exclusive with this guy for two months but have had a gut feeling he might not fully be over his ex. They split up eight months ago - she left him for another man and he said he was heartbroken.

He has brought her up a few times since I’ve known him but it’s just been trash talking. He is clearly very bitter about the split. Last night out of the blue he asked me what the most weight is I’ve lost after a break up (bit of a strange question I thought) and then he told me he lost four stone in a month when his ex left him, he couldn’t eat, sleep etc.

Tbh id had enough of hearing about his heartbreak and I pulled him up on it and asked him outright if he was ready to start dating again. He said he definitely was and I just said it made me uncomfortable how often he bangs on about his ex and that maybe we should call it a day.

He then burst into tears and was crying hysterically saying he’s over her and he felt really bad for making me feel uncomfortable. It was one of the most awkward moments, we were at his house and there he was sobbing his heart out saying he was over his ex but was angry at her for leaving him for another man and embarrassing him like that. Then he started going on about how he feels like an outsider and an oddball and how he has never fitted in. I tried to console him and he calmed down after a while but I’m left wondering wtf to do now. He seems very broken and a a bit unstable but If I leave him I will be another woman who has upped and left him.

He is 31 btw. One of my friends thinks he sounds manipulative, crying cos he was worried I was going to leave him but I’m not sure if that’s the case here?

Sorry read you already have

Well done and good luck

No one can lose 4 stone in a month. Slimming clubs would be out of business if that was possible. He needs professional help. He's depressed and should see his gp. It's too much for you to deal with.

Nice one River, you handled that respectfully so you know his reaction was way out of proportion. Big sigh of relief this morning!
Not to worry you but just keep an eye out for coincidentally 'bumping into him' a lot in the coming weeks until someone else turns his head. That's what happened with the last crying man I encountered who insisted he loved me despite not really knowing me.

I had a keg amputated and only lost half a stone. Very disappointing (also misses point of thread!)

Not keg! LEG

I've stayed in New relationships after displays like this. Because I'm kind and compassionate and give people the benefit of the doubt.
Having had bad times myself and my own mental health struggles I've tried to be understanding and patient.
Every single time I've ended up with egg on my face. Completely shafteed, lied to, manipulated, controlled, been robbed, beaten, Everything!
I've spent a lot of time working on myself and my boundaries so I don't give up my time and energy to another vampire like this again.
Garunteed there's much more to his split story than what he's told you.
I don't know this guy but the behaviour is very familiar...

Interesting dragon - it is a way to trample boundaries isn’t it?

A way of saying, “NOOOOO! My feeeelings are more important than your needs OBEY THEM!!!!!”

AtrociousCircumstance it really is. I was raised by very sick manipulative cruel selfish parents which has never really helped my boundary issues.
It's very complex situation as we're trying to celebrate equality and say it's ok for men and boys to cry but there are people who take huge advantage of others and this particular situation rings bells with me.
Also... someone's mental or emotional ill health issues do NOT mean that you have to sacrifice your own health and happiness.

Very true dragon. High levels of intense, directed emotion can be used by either sex to manipulate and control, but as women we are so conditioned to be caring and other-focused, we are more likely to be affected in this way, I think.

Sorry to read of your origin family and their cruelty

Youve had a very lucky escape op.

Let his mum help him. You don't need that headache.

Bullet dodged

Jesus Christ, he needs to sort himself the fuck out

You did well OP. I hope that he gets help.

Familiar behaviour to me also, in the dim and very distant past. Wish there had been MN support for me back in the day. It was scary getting out of the relationship. So glad that you posted to sound things out.

Enjoy more dates and a bit of fun.

Thank you AtrociousCircumstance xx

He’s unhinged. Lucky escape for you.