Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

boyfriend hysterically crying - is he unstable?

90 replies

Riveroftears · 06/10/2018 16:47

ok so this is a bit of an odd one. I’ve been exclusive with this guy for two months but have had a gut feeling he might not fully be over his ex. They split up eight months ago - she left him for another man and he said he was heartbroken.

He has brought her up a few times since I’ve known him but it’s just been trash talking. He is clearly very bitter about the split. Last night out of the blue he asked me what the most weight is I’ve lost after a break up (bit of a strange question I thought) and then he told me he lost four stone in a month when his ex left him, he couldn’t eat, sleep etc.

Tbh id had enough of hearing about his heartbreak and I pulled him up on it and asked him outright if he was ready to start dating again. He said he definitely was and I just said it made me uncomfortable how often he bangs on about his ex and that maybe we should call it a day.

He then burst into tears and was crying hysterically saying he’s over her and he felt really bad for making me feel uncomfortable. It was one of the most awkward moments, we were at his house and there he was sobbing his heart out saying he was over his ex but was angry at her for leaving him for another man and embarrassing him like that. Then he started going on about how he feels like an outsider and an oddball and how he has never fitted in. I tried to console him and he calmed down after a while but I’m left wondering wtf to do now. He seems very broken and a a bit unstable but If I leave him I will be another woman who has upped and left him.

He is 31 btw. One of my friends thinks he sounds manipulative, crying cos he was worried I was going to leave him but I’m not sure if that’s the case here?

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 06/10/2018 17:32

He sounds very dramatic. Four stone in one month?! Hmmm, he sounds like he needs a GP consult for mood and weight loss.

Agree with PPs. Run!

whoatealltheharibo · 06/10/2018 17:33

I lost 3 stone in around 4-5 weeks when XH left. I was overweight and I literally stopped eating, bar tiny amounts of food to just eat something. So it is possible if he was overweight and very distraught.

He’s clearly not over her though 🙁

Lifeisabeach09 · 06/10/2018 17:33

*excessive weight loss

Oddcat · 06/10/2018 17:34

He's not over his ex at all . If he was and was all loved up with you , he wouldn't keep mentioning her would he ?

The constant talking about her would have me running let alone the histrionics.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 06/10/2018 17:35

IF you stay, he’s likely to drain all your support/energy then when he’s ‘recovered’ move on to someone new. I think you’d be mad to stay.

TheVanguardSix · 06/10/2018 17:36

What a time bandit. He’s killing time (while he grieves/rants/hopes ex sees sense and comes back to him) and is wasting yours. Time is valuable. Don’t put yours in this loser’s hands. Sounds like a sociopath.

Missingstreetlife · 06/10/2018 17:38

Can he take heed of your position, draw a line and continue without all the drama & baggage, get counselling, talk to his friends, his mum but not too often to you about it. If not, leave it or say maybe in a few months. Put your foot down.

Buxtonstill · 06/10/2018 17:38

As for the four stone...I was very hmm at that too. Think he is prone to exaggerating tbh.
Exaggerating? Lying more like. If he feels like he has to tell lies to keep your attention then it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. You are not responsible for his happiness, or how he will cope if you leave him. If he's like this after only a few months, it will only get worse. You deserve better.

Emmageddon · 06/10/2018 17:39

Can you ask him exactly how he lost 4 stone in one month? Forget the relationship, you could make millions from his diet plan. The 56lbs in less than 56 days diet - I can see the celebrity endorsements already.

On a serious note, he's manipulative and needy - two very unattractive features. End it before you end up being his emotional crutch.

Janel85 · 06/10/2018 17:39

Another vote for run, this doesn’t sound like the makings of anything good. By all means let him down as gently as possible but you shouldn’t stay with him out of pity.

Wheresthebeach · 06/10/2018 17:41

Run...fast and now. It will only get worse and he will only get more clingy and manipulative.

Really...leave as you cannot fix this.

Lifeisabeach09 · 06/10/2018 17:42

Can you ask him exactly how he lost 4 stone in one month? Forget the relationship, you could make millions from his diet plan. The 56lbs in less than 56 days diet - I can see the celebrity endorsements already.

Grin Grin

Hogglesballs · 06/10/2018 17:44

How is he a sociopath?

It's called a rebound relationship. Agreed it's not healthy but he's not a sociopath. Just not over a bad break up by the sounds of it and thinks a new relationship will fix him. End it kindly and find someone that isn't still thinking about someone else. That would be my advice.

SadieLancaster · 06/10/2018 17:46

Run. He’s a mess. Don’t make him your mess.

No way he lost 4 stone in a month.

If you ate literally nothing for a month you still wouldn’t lose 4 stone.

BertrandRussell · 06/10/2018 17:46

The hills are ----> that way. Don't stop running til you reach them.

TurnipCake · 06/10/2018 17:49

You don't need this tediousness in your life.

I've been with a couple of guys clearly not over their ex and it is fucking dull - and wastes your precious time.

At 2 months you should be basking in the fabulousness of an exciting new relationship, not hearing about his weight loss or playing wet-nurse to his unchecked feelings about her.

diddl · 06/10/2018 17:50

Two months in?

It's not nice being dumped-but such drama over someone you barely know?

gilchrist168 · 06/10/2018 17:51

Two months in, and he has you carrying all this baggage for him?
Get out now.

Original poster
Riveroftears · 06/10/2018 17:52

He did say I’m the third person he’s dated since his ex and he introduced both of them to his parents quite early on (thought that was odd too). He clearly hasn’t had time to be single and grieve for the previous girlfriend - he’s just jumping from woman to woman

OP posts:
BlancheM · 06/10/2018 17:55

Ooh no I couldn't be doing with that.
I'd be turned off by the whole thing tbh but what stands out to me is: angry at her for leaving him and embarrassing him like that. So he's quite possessive and entitled really isn't he. His masculinity was bruised and he was embarrassed about it rather than being heartbroken, and angry to boot.
Don't look back.

Lynne1Cat · 06/10/2018 17:55

The bloke isn't over his ex. He has got depression by the sound of it. That is a very debilitating illness, and requires a great deal of patience, understanding, probably medication.

You've only been seeing him for a short time, but I'd advise you to encourage him to see his doctor - then stop seeing him.

The replies you've had from some women on here are unkind, unhelpful, and downright nasty towards the bloke. No need for that.

I feel desperately sorry for him - but the start of a relationship should be fun and happy, and it's not. You need someone else, and he needs help.

Original poster
Riveroftears · 06/10/2018 17:55

magicstar he was with her for four years

OP posts:
SleepWarrior · 06/10/2018 17:57

I think you can be over wanting to be with the ex but still angry/traumatised by the break-up itself. Still not appropriate to inflict that on a new partner; he's just not ready.

"I haver really enjoyed our dates and I think this could have worked out if it had been at a time when you weren't feeling so raw about a previous break-up. But your head is still there, and to be honest it's tainted things and made them a little awkward. I genuinely wish all the best, River.".

Direct and honest but not unkind.

Original poster
Riveroftears · 06/10/2018 17:57

lynne so funny you say that. Last night after the crying I said to him that perhaps he should see. his GP as he sounds a bit depressed. He was outraged that I said that - he said he couldn’t believe I was analysing him and telling him he has Mh problems.

Everyone here is right, I do need to get out of this one

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 06/10/2018 17:59

He does sound unstable to me, if I were you I would gently suggest that he gets counselling and end it. If you want to soften it you could suggest that he gets back in touch in 6 months if he wants, not to make any promises but to let him know that if he’s in a better place by that point you would be open to the possibility of seeing him again (if you would be).

I actually think you should just move on and it’s kinder to be honest so you could actually tell him that he’s lovely but needs to work on his emotional resilience as he’s a mess and it’s off putting but most importantly not healthy for himz