Do MILs contradict & argue just to prove they are better mothers than you?

[Dawnybabe]

I usually get on very well with my MIL but since I gave them their first grandchild she has become a bit opinionated and controlling. She calls my dd by her full name when she knows full well we call her by a pet name, and then she tells us off for doing so, saying we should call her by her proper name. Isn't that kind of up to us? She introduced me & dd to a friend of hers, using the full name, and then in front of me said 'but they call her THIS!' and then the old girl she was talking to said 'oh dear' like I'm not even there!

She also tells me that so-and-so's baby is eating solids/going through the night/sitting up/etc etc, and how I should be doing this, that and the other. She was a first time mum once, how the hell did she do it without all her bloody hindsight? She makes me feel like a little kid who's not doing it right. I am a grown woman, married, well qualified, so why does she make me feel like this?
I'm not having a moan really, cos I know I've got it lucky compared to some people, but I just think MILs do this to keep some control over their grandchildren and try and be helpful or something. Only they come across as nosy and knowitall to an insecure, inexperienced first timer. Am I being oversensitive or is this a typical MIL and will it get worse as dd gets older?

Glad to hear that other people's unhappiness is the source of glee for you, auntyflorence. You DO sound like a nice person.

I think auntyflorence makes a good point that it can be hard for MIL's to do the right thing. Don't know about anybody else, and can speak only for myself, but I can plead guilty of being unreasonably annoyed with my MIL when DS was a baby.

Maybe some annoying women become MIL's, but some nice ones become MIL's too - its not part of the job description! A good thing as I hope to be a MIL too one day.

Message withdrawn

I'm sorry Meggle but there is no way your MIL is out of order. Well, according to auntyflorence anyway. Just take it on the chin will you and let her take over your child. Don't be so sensitive and hormonal, you silly woman.

They contradict because "You have to be told these things" (even when we're 50.....)

auntyflorence, I little insensitive methinks...
Ive been to hell and back with my MIL, nearly caused a divorce. YOuve missed the point completely. Its not the actions or non-actions of our MIL`s that are upsetting us (although they are symptoms of the greater problem). Its the undermining and lack of respect and that often manifests itself through MIL not doing (or doing too much) of what we need.

Sorry Sakura et al. But it did seem a little amusing to find one poster complaining about her MIL doing one thing and then, a few posts further on, another poster complaining about the exact opposite.
My MIL is a daft old bat. I (and her DC) ignore her.

Give it a rest AF,
Replying to my previous post by saying how you manage to rise above your MIL (implication being that we all can`T manage to do this) tells me that you may have a leeetle bit of repressed anger towards her that is directed towards us.

Try a MIL that comes and does DH's ironing as I am such a terrible wife cause I say he can do his own (we both work me fulltime him casually)

OR give the children lollies and sweets when she knows that I object to this except on special occasions or as a WELL earned treat

OR if I happen to go out one evening brings a cooked meal around so DH doesn't have to cook that night

I dare not get started - have simply learnt to live with it (and just moved 900km away )and if she wants to iron DH's clothes so be it (I used to try leaving the childrens and my ironing out too but she doesn't get the hint)

The way I figure it is it might not be great but she could be worse and all in all I don't have to live with her

My posting was

1. an apology
2. an explanation of why I found it amusing (which some other MNers seemed to understand)
3. an attempt at empathy

I apologise again if I hit a raw nerve.

Well, you should try walking in someone else's shoes before you take the p*ss frankly.

I had shit parents and therefore a very unhappy childhood. I ran away from home as soon as I could (as did all my siblings).
I cut all contact with my parents (as did all my siblings) and eventually became the happy and contented person I am today, who is able to raise a wry smile at life?s absurdities and paradoxes.

I hope you also find peace.

Parp.

I have skimmed over some of your recent posts where you detail disagreements with your parents, with your in-laws, with your friends and even your husband. I?m sure that it?s all down to them and nothing to do with who you are.

I?ve had enough of this correspondence.
Bye.

My MIL died suddenly two months before my daughter (her first grandchild) was born. I'd give anything for her to be here, and I wish she could have met her grandaughter, even once. Although I'm not so sentimental as to imagine we wouldn't be having the same clashes as some of you guys if she were here! The MIL/DIL relationship is nearly always a complex one. I was lucky to have a MIL who accepted me as part of the family but I know not all daughter in laws are so lucky.

Oh auntyflorence, I'm sure if you skimmed most people's messages, you'd see that there are problems and issues and arguments etc. That's the reason why lots of people post on Mumsnet. Duh!

Try not to be quite so superior and judgemental. You're coming across as extremely smug.

Probably best you don't contribute really. You're not exactly helpful or positive.

See ya!

That's a pretty low comment, auntyflorence. Most people post on mumsnet with problems. Perhaps you don't really understand what mumsnet is about?

Anyway, dawnybabe, I hope you'\re feeling a lot better now. You don't have to grit your teeth and swallow what your MIL is dishing out you know.

IME, interfering people or negative people generally back off once you let them know you're hacked off with them. So, maybe prepare a few sharp retorts to her predictable comments.

So what if she's jealous or is sad about not being a mother to babies/small children anymore. That doesn't give her the right to make you feel bad or inadequate. Stand up for yourself!

You're doing a great job.