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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My 'friends' have stolen my belongings!

101 replies

Trumpelina · 26/09/2018 18:03

Has anyone else hosted a party and then found some of their belongings have disappeared at the end of the night? Hmm I'm really pissed. I hosted a party for 20 of our best friends and it went swimmingly. Everyone had a nice time, no one got drunk or lairy. Just a lovely pleasant time had by all. I'm clearing up later on & can't find a few things. It's now several days on & the items are definitely missing. I've emailed the group in case anything was taken home by accident but every single person has come back saying no. For the record I lost two beautiful antique serving spoons that I'll never be able to match, a small vintage plate that was particularly pretty and a small silver rabbit ornament that was on the shelf in the upstairs loo. I'm absolutely gutted to lose my precious things but also that the culprit must be amongst my friends & I've no idea who. There were no children present. Sad Anyone else have shitty 'friends'?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/09/2018 18:10

Oh op, this is so awful and distressing! One of your friends has betrayed you terribly, and it's even worse because you don't know who it is! Do you have any idea who or any way to try and figure this out?

Original poster
Trumpelina · 26/09/2018 18:26

I have no idea at all & it feels really shitty. When I was preparing it did occur to me not to take the spoons out as they were particularly lovely & unique but then I thought a party is the time to use these special things otherwise what's the point in having them?

OP posts:
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 26/09/2018 18:30

I lost some precious gifts a few years ago. Everyone who attended was a close friend. I was absolutely gutted. Nothing ever turned up but I found several long-time missing items within the settee and broken pottery and glass in the bin.

It's a horrible feeling.

CoraPirbright · 26/09/2018 18:32

How awful!! Do you especially suspect anyone? Did anyone express their particular admiration for the items? I would email everyone again and tell them you are desperately upset and going to the police.

Japonicaisstillahorsygirl · 26/09/2018 18:33

Poor you OP that’s awful. Not sure what to suggest, if it were me I am not sure I would want to invite any of that group again but that also just seems so sad

Japonicaisstillahorsygirl · 26/09/2018 18:38

Cora’s suggestion is brave but not sure I could actually do that but I am a bit of a wimp

Musti · 26/09/2018 18:41

Are you sure nothing is in the bin by mistake?

purplecorkheart · 26/09/2018 18:47

Empty every press and drawer, when people are clearing up in other peoples houses they put things away in the oddest places.

SerenDippyEggs · 26/09/2018 18:48

Arseholes! Do Cora's suggestion and lay it on thick

HereIgoagainxx · 26/09/2018 18:51

I once found out a 'friend' had been stealing purses and when I moved away had pinned it on me. I only found out the truth a long time later when she was caught red-handed and I was not there.

It's truly awful.

Do you suspect anyone in particular? I don't think anyone would be frightened about you calling the cops, they will just deny.

It's weird they took household things though. Do you go to all these people's homes?

harmonyandrapsody · 26/09/2018 18:52

Cora's suggestion sounds like what I would do.

Original poster
Trumpelina · 26/09/2018 18:55

I'm tempted to think it was a female because I can't imagine any of my male friends swiping a pretty plate & the rest. I shall be on the look out when I get invited back to any of my friends houses..

OP posts:
KatieMarieJ · 26/09/2018 19:00

If I were you I would message everyone (group message if you can) and say that since the party you've noticed some things are missing. Tell them that you assume that maybe they got broken and no-one wanted to say, or perhaps they moved them somewhere "safe" because of the party. You just want them back, you're not accusing anyone of anything but you just want help finding them.

Then see what reactions you get, perhaps even go on to say that you've got lots of different CCTV videos to trawl through which you could do without ...

Loopytiles · 26/09/2018 19:01

It’s not “friends” it’s most likely just one person with issues.

Laying it on thick won’t make that person own up.

idontknowwhattohave · 26/09/2018 19:12

That's awful
Could you say in addition to Cora's suggestion if they are anonymously returned like left behind your back gate or some hiding place that you could use then you'll take no further action.
I lost something precious after a party and I saw it or similar months later at their house - I knew it must have been mine because it was a unique handmade item - I asked where he'd got it from and he tried to bluff his way out of it

47Ag · 26/09/2018 19:18

This happened to me.

In fact the items stolen from your home are so similar, I wonder if we have the same "friend."

If one of your guests is an unusual height for their sex + lives in an unusual place, PM me.

Tinkerbell89 · 26/09/2018 19:22

I would contact the police with a list of the attendees for them to look into. You might not be the only person this has happened to. Someone may also already have a record for theft you wouldn't know about but the police would, so it could be looked at. Otherwise I'd worry about having any of them over again as if they have stolen and got away with it they may do it again

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/09/2018 19:26

I would do something along the lines of what Cora and Tinkerbell have suggested and report the thefts to the police as this is a police matter. I would never invite any of these people into my home ever again.

HandlebarTash81 · 26/09/2018 19:26

@47Ag I’m imagining a twelve foot woman who lives in a wardrobe.

Good luck, OP!

guffaux · 26/09/2018 19:27

let everyone know you have to report it to the police to get a crime number for your insurance, so everyone at the party is, unfortunately, going to be named on said report.

Lichtie · 26/09/2018 19:36

Wow some of these suggestions are brave. What you need to remember is that if you make it imply you are accusing everyone then you may lose a lot of friends. I would not be friends with anyone who would think I could possibly steal from them. There are likely 19 innocent people tied up in this (maybe 20if the items have just been misplaced)

47Ag · 26/09/2018 19:36

HandlebarTash81

Or a 4 foot man living in an abandoned airplane hanger...

Trumpelina

It's so awful, isn't it? You don't know WHO did it, so it affects ALL your relationships, and your mental health. I think these people get off on that as much as they get off on their dirty little trophies.

Notsohorriblehistory · 26/09/2018 19:38

I lost some precious gifts a few years ago. Everyone who attended was a close friend. I was absolutely gutted. Nothing ever turned up but I found several long-time missing items within the settee and broken pottery and glass in the bin.

So they did turn up? Within the settee. So not stolen?

HowlsMovingBungalow · 26/09/2018 19:50

Handlebar - I did laugh at the 12ft woman

How horrible for you OP. I'd report it to the plod too.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 26/09/2018 19:59

Notsohorriblehistory

No, but things lost over several years previously turned up! Sadly nothing turned up that had gone missing during the party.