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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My 'friends' have stolen my belongings!

101 replies

Trumpelina · 26/09/2018 18:03

Has anyone else hosted a party and then found some of their belongings have disappeared at the end of the night? Hmm I'm really pissed. I hosted a party for 20 of our best friends and it went swimmingly. Everyone had a nice time, no one got drunk or lairy. Just a lovely pleasant time had by all. I'm clearing up later on & can't find a few things. It's now several days on & the items are definitely missing. I've emailed the group in case anything was taken home by accident but every single person has come back saying no. For the record I lost two beautiful antique serving spoons that I'll never be able to match, a small vintage plate that was particularly pretty and a small silver rabbit ornament that was on the shelf in the upstairs loo. I'm absolutely gutted to lose my precious things but also that the culprit must be amongst my friends & I've no idea who. There were no children present. Sad Anyone else have shitty 'friends'?

OP posts:
Original poster
Trumpelina · 27/09/2018 05:58

Fiffyshades the rabbit was small, the plate was modest but the spoons were quite large. I don't think I want anyone back to my house again.

OP posts:
SwanConvoy · 27/09/2018 06:12

This is just awful. I honestly don't think contacting them again will yield anything. The sort of person who does this will have done it before....

Is there one amongst them who is a bit jealous of you or has ever made comments or insinuations about you having money or being well off? These sound like beautiful items and like you have a beautiful home. This can make insecure and jealous people quite secretly nasty and bitter...

SwanConvoy · 27/09/2018 06:18

The only other possibility would be to call the thief's bluff. Contact them all again to say that you have been contacted separately by a witness who is pretty certain that they saw someone with these items... You can only assume it is a mistake and if they are returned to you door you won't take it any further and won't mention it again.'

Cauliflowersqueeze · 27/09/2018 06:22

Horrible thing to happen. I’d speak to each person about how upset I felt. They deserve to know if they were thinking of throwing their own party.

StealthPolarBear · 27/09/2018 06:29

Are yousure they weren't just washed and tidied into the wrong cupboard? Not the rabbit obviously but the other things

Rainbunny · 27/09/2018 06:40

Did any of your friends bring along other people that you don't know?

The only time I had something similar was when DH and I had a housewarming party and I left an expensive cashmere cardigan hanging on a bathroom hook, I knew I had left it there that same day but it was gone when I looked for it the next morning after the party. I asked around in a low key way (had anyone been cold and needed the cardigan? sort of thing), everyone denied taking it of course but then I saw a photo on facebook a few months later of my DH's friend and GF (they had both attended the housewarming, our party was actually their second date) and guess what, his GF was wearing my cardigan. It was impossible that it was a coincidence, I had bought the cardigan several years earlier in a different country. I never actually bothered contacting her, she would have denied it anyway but DH did mention it in the end after his friend noticed that they were never invited them over anymore. It turned out his friend had been given similar feedback from several other friends that she had done the same thing with. They're still together though albeit with fewer friends... I have a feeling that these light fingered individuals must think that others don't notice when they pilfer things but we do and we never forget!

EdisonLightBulb · 27/09/2018 06:57

I don't think anyone was drunk and took them. I think a single person wanted them and couldn't help themselves. This is truly awful but I think some people just do this. I remember DS telling me when he was about 17 that every gathering or house party they went to money went missing from purses or make up from handbags etc. Then one day one girl was caught in the act. She had been to every party.

She ended up very lonely for the last year of college.

ChikiTIKI · 27/09/2018 06:57

Keep an eye on the local selling websites like gumtree. You might find your items there soon.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/09/2018 07:05

I agree that you should group message again to say that you're going to call the Police.

My father had to do similar when he "lost" several items out of a locked cupboard in the church where he held a youth club. The church officials claimed to have no knowledge of these items, so he informed them that he would be calling the Police to investigate. The items mysteriously "turned up somewhere" and were brought back to his house by a lemon-faced church official (a new one). A few bits were still missing but he got the majority back so he let it go. So bad though! Angry

MeanTangerine · 27/09/2018 07:13

I'm sure you might have stronger suspicions about some of your guests than others. I suggest you commit the MN sin of visiting them unannounced.

Oblomov18 · 27/09/2018 07:18

I fear you will never get these things returned. Kind of destroys your faith in humanity - really sad. Sad

Notveryadventurousname · 27/09/2018 07:28

Sometimes when I'm tired or in a rush and scraping plates into the bin, my coordination goes wrong and I drop the spoon or fork in the bin by mistake and just don't realise at the time. Have you actually checked your bin bags in case of this? Particularly if other people helped clear up, not just you? Not much help with the rabbit or the plate though, sorry.

IronNeonClasp · 27/09/2018 07:28

Not the same but when I was in college around 18/19 I 'lent' my make up project to 'friends' who shared it around their 'group' of about five. The project had two photos of me from when I used to dance somewhere I grew up. I was wearing classic dance outfits age 7 and 8 and other 'professional' quite large images.

Alas - the 'project' went missing and I never saw it again.

I tried to get reprints a few years ago when I had my daughter as the photographer was still alive but I think he was too old to search for the negatives. Just so naive and stupid looking back. My daughter is similar age now and I will never be able to show her that I used to do that. I'd love to show her how similar we look. And a true betrayal of those that I know laughed and mocked me back then and threw it away like it was nothing. The betrayal closes a small part of you down especially as it was memories of where I used to live and love.

But unfortunately there are people like this we come in to contact with in life...

BigGreenOlives · 27/09/2018 07:36

I used to know a woman who would steal earrings, lipstick etc from other people’s bathrooms when she went to parties. She felt they had more than her & she was ‘owed’.

LynetteScavo · 27/09/2018 08:01

Gosh, this is awful!

Sadly one of your friends must have a problem. This won't be the first time they will have done this if several things have gone missing at once.

If it were me I'd really want to know who it was, not just to get my things back, and not just to know who I couldn't trust, but I'd also want to make sure the friend got professional help for their kleptomania.

SpikyCactus · 27/09/2018 08:10

Wow this has totally put me off having a Christmas party. We’ve just redecorated and were thinking about inviting neighbours for drinks, but I don’t want to lose any of my nice stuff!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/09/2018 08:16

One of your friends sadly is a thief and that person has tarred the other 19 people present with that same brush. No-one will own up to this and they have all said no in any case. There is truly no honour amongst thieves. I would group message them again to state you are now going to call the police, after all a crime has been committed here. You've been robbed.

Were any of these missing items, particularly the silver rabbit, listed separately as part of your home and contents insurance?.

missmartha · 27/09/2018 08:27

My mother used to come and stay with us and things went missing.
At first I couldn't believe she would do such a thing but as time went on it continued and it dawned on me that it was probably her.

She died a few years ago and sure enough there was a little, well not so little really, cache of my things in the garage.
Things like the OP's, silver servers, a silver bangle, silver coffee spoons, that sort of thing.
It was heart breaking and the thing is, I would have given them to her if she'd said she liked them.

Loopytiles · 27/09/2018 09:00

That’s really sad missmartha, sorry your mother did that.

Loopytiles · 27/09/2018 09:03

OP I think it’d be U to stop having anyone over because of just one Sure don’t have big parties if you no longer want to, but becoming suspecious of your friends would be unfair on them.

The 19 innocent people can probably do nothing to identify the one person whose crime this was or get them to own up.

Bluelonerose · 27/09/2018 09:13

Wow I can't believe how many people have light fingered "friends"

So sorry op it's horrible when you realise you can't trust your friends.
Hopefully they've just been misplaced

Thebluedog · 27/09/2018 09:27

I would be very tempted to group message everyone to ask if anyone washed up the spoons etc and put them away somewhere? If not then you are going to inform the police as it’s looks like you must have been burgled

subspace · 27/09/2018 09:31

So sorry this has happened. Have you emailed everybody again? I think you should, and really lay it on thick how hurt and disappointed and upset you are, how this has broken your faith in everybody and will no doubt have made many others at the party and on the email list suspicious and uncomfortable about inviting friends over, too. Ask anybody who saw anything suspicious to talk to you in confidentiality. Suggest you all go out for meals in the future to prevent the next host from being a victim of the theft.

I don't think you're getting them back Sad and how awful to now not be sure who out of 20 people to not trust Sad

PurpleTrilby · 27/09/2018 10:13

Sadly there are people like this and yes, they have deep psychological problems. Some years ago I lived in a set up where it was more convenient for friends to use my flat's bathroom where we were sat outside as a group of friends in the summer. I put a stop to it when a little top I really loved and was a gift got pinched. I know exactly who it was, she pulled other stunts with me and other people and made a point of asking me to unlock the flat so she could use the bathroom again. I said no, you'll have to pop home. It was a game to her, the things being stolen didn't really matter. Sad fucking bitch!

HarmlessChap · 27/09/2018 10:27

The chances are that this is that work of one person, someone within your circle of friends is a thief. Their stealing is being driven by compultion, jealousy, greed or desperation but whatever the reason it will be a problem for all the other members of your friendship group too. If they have stolen from you they can steal from any of their other "friends" too, given the opportunity.

Yes go down the insurance, police and crime number route, you may find that one of your friends has a history of meing light fingered.