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Original poster

My 'friends' have stolen my belongings!

101 replies

Trumpelina · 26/09/2018 18:03

Has anyone else hosted a party and then found some of their belongings have disappeared at the end of the night? Hmm I'm really pissed. I hosted a party for 20 of our best friends and it went swimmingly. Everyone had a nice time, no one got drunk or lairy. Just a lovely pleasant time had by all. I'm clearing up later on & can't find a few things. It's now several days on & the items are definitely missing. I've emailed the group in case anything was taken home by accident but every single person has come back saying no. For the record I lost two beautiful antique serving spoons that I'll never be able to match, a small vintage plate that was particularly pretty and a small silver rabbit ornament that was on the shelf in the upstairs loo. I'm absolutely gutted to lose my precious things but also that the culprit must be amongst my friends & I've no idea who. There were no children present. Sad Anyone else have shitty 'friends'?

OP posts:
Tropicalfish · 27/09/2018 10:58

Once years ago a friend 's DD stole some money out of my DH'S wallet. It was a very awkward situation as we didn't want to damage our friendship and considered whether to mention it and then decided it was better they spoke to their DD about it for her own welfare.
The father did talk to her and said she would apologize and return the money to us. Neither of those things happened and we haven't asked them back for a number of reasons but I do feel disappointed that he could have returned the money. I would have done so immediately in that situation. I would have felt so uncomfortable.
We belong to a lovely group of Friends and no way would I damage that. It's only 40 quid. Genuinely I think he didn't pay the money back out of embarrassment and he blanked the whole episode from his mind. I know that at the time, there were some family problems so this was a contributing factor.

Tropicalfish · 27/09/2018 11:04

Please don't lose your friends over a couple of spoons.
I have been burgled a few times and been victim to a very nasty crime and what it makes you realise is you have very little control over things/possessions.
Maybe see your friends outside the home from now on?
There are no winners here.

RedOrBeDead · 27/09/2018 11:23

How can someone be your 'friend' if they're willing to steal from you?

This isn't just about losing a few spoons and nick nacks, this is about how little somebody thinks of you and disrespects you to think it's OK to do this to you.

It must be hard being suspicious of all your friends now.

Renarde1975 · 27/09/2018 11:53

How vexatious! Namely because the actions of one have drawn a cloud over everyone. That's unforgivable.
Two options present themselves...either those items were removed (likely) or they have been deliberatly hidden. If removed, the other question that comes is, who had a bag big enough to hide the plate?
Sorry if this has already been asked, how well did you know these 20 people?

DunkandEggAgain · 27/09/2018 11:54

We were piss poor when I was a young kid and teenager. I became friends with a girl from school one summer holidays when we were about 14 maybe 15. I always went to her house, and I remember she had so much, she was pretty well off, had so many nice things and enjoyed a very good life. On the other hand I was always in the same couple of sets of clothes and rarely had anything new.
Except my mum had managed to buy me a Baby G watch for my birthday. It had a little animation in it, a little jingle and was more than 'just'a watch. I loved it.
I stayed at her house and took off my Watch to sleep and left it on her side cabinet in the bedroom. I forgot to put it back on after leaving the next morning and my mum told me to go straight away back and retrieve it.
You can see where this is going...she swore blind it wasn't there. Wouldn't let me look in her bedroom and assured me if she found it she would give it back. I rang her house for a few days afterwards as well pleading was she sure it wasn't there. I knew she was lying. I got a huge bollocking from my mum because there was no way it could be replaced. I felt so helpless and full of anger and we quickly drifted apart anyway.
I wish now, looking back, that mum would have been more involved. She could have rang her parents and sincerely and nicely spoke to them but my mum was always withdrawn anyway so no surprise there.
What got me was that this friend had so much, even going on hunts on horseback. I hate foxhunting but the context is, they were comfortable and it didn't seem like she was want for anything and by contrast I had barely anything. How could she take my one nice thing at the time and not feel bad for doing so and lying to me about it.

OP I really feel for you. This person took advantage of your hospitality and stole your belongings. It's a disgusting thing to do. I really don't know what to suggest. Sad

Renarde1975 · 27/09/2018 11:55

Apologies, can see it was the spoons that were large. But again, the point stands.
To a dinner party, I would pretty much always take a clutch bag.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 27/09/2018 12:02

I hosted a family party for my dad last year and on my fridge was a completely valueless but very cute vintage postcard of the ‘make do and mend’ variety; it was there at the start, and gone by the end. It’s so infuriating and disappointing as clearly a member of the party took it, it’s valueless so obviously I wouldn’t even ask anyone, but someone thought it was appropriate to take it because they liked it. It’s really hurtful.

Renarde1975 · 27/09/2018 12:09

Oh and agree with you OP, I think this was a woman as well.

Another possibility does present itself though...

Are all these people known to each other?

DunkandEggAgain · 27/09/2018 12:22

Not always a large bag. An item can be hidden under a casually draped over the arm coat, jacket or jumper and clutched to the lower chest area.

raeray · 27/09/2018 12:22

Maybe have a look on eBay over the next few weeks/months or ask local antiques shops/dealers to look out for them for you?

What a horrible feeling this must leave with you - especially with it being friends.

Renarde1975 · 27/09/2018 12:25

Possibly Dunk but terrifically risky? What if it fell out in front of a third party? You'd be done for!

DunkandEggAgain · 27/09/2018 12:36

Oh yes they would be. Perhaps the sneaky git loves the adrenaline rush.

Sarcelle · 27/09/2018 12:36

Sometimes people get off taking risks like this. So, might be a little game rather than for monetary gain, although the items taken point in that direction. Shitty thing to do, not only your loss but that now all the gathering is under suspicion.

Renarde1975 · 27/09/2018 15:54

Agreed Dunk. I know of a wealthy person who used to shoplift in Waitrose...

Adora10 · 27/09/2018 16:19

Do not call the Police, they will do FA; threatening the guests with CCTV and Police is also ridiculous; you will have to suck it up OP, it's bloody awful I agree but happens all the time; my daughter has had loads of expensive make up taken from our home; this will be down to one woman, probably feeling brave when drunk; we all take a chance when having several people in our home, I've heard of this happening to loads of my own friends too, it's shit.

Rainbunny · 27/09/2018 19:22

"Sadly there are people like this and yes, they have deep psychological problems."

Sorry but I completely disagree, in the vast majority of stealing cases it is not some psychological compulsion, it is someone who only cares about themself and takes the things they want and don't give a shit about the upset they cause others. My brother stole things from me and my parents when he was a teenager, jewelry and items that I had made/crafted that meant a lot to me and couldn't just be replaced even if I had the money and time. He stole jewelry and money from my parents as well and he was caught red handed on multiple occasions and he simply didn't give a fuck and my parents couldn't really cope with the knowledge that their son was a thief so he basically got away with it. "Deep psychological problems" er no, entitled, greedy twat is the condition involved in theft.

Stealing is a low risk crime, unless they are caught red handed there is usually no way to prove that someone did it, so they get away with it and deny everything and it works! After growing up with my brother I despise the sort of people who steal from others and I think theft is too easily dismissed as not a big deal, perhaps we are not meant to become too attached to stuff so we feel like we aren't allowed to care too much when someone steals from us. If you know someone in your life who is light fingered I would seriously reconsider keeping them in your life because I believe the kind of person who will casually steal things is not to be trusted on many fronts.

Mousetolioness · 27/09/2018 21:20

Are the 20 friends all part of one large social group? If so, just wondering if any others in the group have had things go missing after a party...

I would be so hacked off I'd be reporting it to the police and providing them with a list of attendees. It might be the easiest crime they solve that week if one if your guests has a record for nicking stuff. I'd check out the names if I was handed a list. Crime stats being what they are on the 'solving' side!

5000FingersofDrT · 28/09/2018 09:10

Please don't lose your friends over a couple of spoons

If I suspected guests invited to my house had repaid my hospitality by stealing my property, I wouldn't be having anything to do with them again.

Rudgie47 · 28/09/2018 09:40

I think what I would do is replace the missing items with similar and never have a party for these people again. I would just have 1 or 2 very close friends back to my house and that's it.
I think friends stealing is not that uncommon. My friend told me he was away for a climbing weekend with his girlfriend and this other couple and others. One of the group tried to pinch a piece of climbing equipment from the other couple by throwing a jumper over it and moving it away from the main group with his foot. My friend was watching him all the time but the thief couldn't see him.
After a while it was time to go and people couldn't find the missing piece, and a hunt followed, my friend said it was under the persons jumper and told him he saw what had happened that he tried to steal it. The guy said it was a misunderstanding etc. It wasn't and my friend refused to have anything to do with him ever again.

ApolloandDaphne · 28/09/2018 10:14

I think now you need to e mail back to say that if no one has taken them by accident then you are presuming them stolen and that until the culprit returns the items your friendship is over with all of them. Then see what responses you get. It will either be the person who goes very quiet or the one who loudly and vehemently protests their innocence.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 28/09/2018 10:36

Surely you can narrow down your list of 20? I mean if you have known some of them 20 years and never before had anything go missing when they visited, then they are probably fine.

Similarly if they arrived in a skimpy outfit with no bag or coat to hide an object.

Think about their characters; dishonest people are often dishonest in lots of other ways. I'm sure you still have a decent group of trustworthy friends.

Hissy · 28/09/2018 10:52

I agree with getting the text out about the police, say that unless items are returned by Monday that the police will be contacting each and every one of them, one by one

We had this growing up, neighbours held a big birthday party and invited all the neighbours - we had an exchange student staying with us and had been out somewhere for the day with him and came back too tired to go. We heard that her wedding and engagement rings went missing from her upstairs bathroom. we were grateful we hadn't gone tbh as our student would have been the prime suspect

not sure if she ever had them returned, but I do remember the police were involved.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/09/2018 11:34

"Do not call the Police, they will do FA; threatening the guests with CCTV and Police is also ridiculous; you will have to suck it up OP"

Why do you assume this Adora?. So we are supposed to sit back and do nothing but suck it up; what good does that do the OP?. If this had happened to you I would think you would take a different position. Bad things happen also when good people sit back and do nothing.

I would be reporting this to the police asap as a crime has been committed. These items were of great sentimental value to the OP and cannot be replaced. They may not ultimately get the stolen items back but at least they will know about it and can investigate this further.

Adora10 · 28/09/2018 15:40

Honestly never heard so much bollocks, waste Police time, get them round, offer them a coffee then explain you had 20 mates round for a party but you've now realised 2 spoons, a plate and a small silver rabbit ornament have gone; can they go round to 20 homes, take statements then work out who did it, never mind the fact that possibly 19 of your mates are going to be humiliated in front of their neighbours and left to feel like criminals, yeah go ahead and do that OP, I doubt you will have any friends left after doing that, it's bloody laughable what some folk post on here.

RedLife · 28/09/2018 22:36

I have to agree Adora

I don't think the police will do much. Just send Coras email and wait and see.

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