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Original poster

Should I ask him out or wait and see what happens?

42 replies

RubyN · 25/09/2018 23:40

6 months post-horrendous-break up I think I might be ready to start dating again.

A week ago I met a guy at a social meet up. There was a lot of us but he spotted me from across the room - and kept looking my way, but was clearly too shy to approach. Once I gave a big smile, however, he came over & introduced himself. As we talked I realised we had lots in common & when others were talking I he kept looking back at me. At one point we locked eyes when everyone was talking.

End of the night came, we all said our goodbyes & he looked like he wanted to ask for my number but said nothing because everyone else was there too plus I think he is quite shy.

Next day he added me on Facebook but hasn't contacted me yet. So there's an event I really want to go to that I noticed he is also 'interested' in on FB. I'm wondering if I should ask him to come with me ? Or if I should just chill out & see how things unfold at the next social event if he goes!

I realise how pathetic this sounds, as I am 26 not 16 Blush would it be crazy to ask him out as we've met once and will probably see each other again in a group setting.

OP posts:
Original poster
RubyN · 26/09/2018 19:02

Agreed, I barely know him. But I get a good reading on people generally & that's my initial feeling. He wasn't going to come over til I gave him the green light.

I mentioned the event to another friend who said they were keen. So I think I'm going to ask a small group to and ask if he wants to join seeing as he's interested. That way, I can feel him out a bit more in a casual way Grin

OP posts:
Robin2323 · 27/09/2018 04:49

Good idea
I find a man who interested in me very attractive.
Men like the chase whatever anyone says.
If you let them chase you , a bit, then you know where you stand. (Just don't run so fast )
Yes I have chased some men but not the ones I was really interested in.
No I make them do all the running :)

TastelesslyDone · 27/09/2018 07:28

My God, so many ‘man must make the first move’ types on here. Plenty of men have the same fear of rejection as do some women - and the type that don’t fear rejection are more likely to be entitled twats, or psychopaths. Why increase the probability of pulling a knob by waiting for him to make the first move?

In conclusion: ask him out, and don’t be too subtle about it either.

Original poster
RubyN · 27/09/2018 11:08

TastelesslyDone - this is what I think is probably the case. Have had 2 previous exes say they thought I was out of their league so I know some blokes do get scared.

I posted something online yesterday which he responded to. I'm going to ask him to join a small group of us in the next few days so I can get to know him better. I think I'd rather amp up the flirting first and see if he'll take the reigns from there. Will let you know what happens!

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 27/09/2018 11:12

My God, so many ‘man must make the first move’ types on here. Plenty of men have the same fear of rejection as do some women - and the type that don’t fear rejection are more likely to be entitled twats, or psychopaths. Why increase the probability of pulling a knob by waiting for him to make the first move?

In conclusion: ask him out, and don’t be too subtle about it either.

I know right, it's all very "game play" Life is too short for that shit- has always been my opinion on that, if you're the kind of man who wants a chase then fuck off and chase someone who likes to run. Personally I like straightforward men, if you like me you like me, if you don't I'll find someone who does.

Adora10 · 27/09/2018 12:18

man must make the first move’ types on here

So what, it's a personal choice, doesn't make either person in the wrong, the ones who wait or the ones who go for it.

It's not a game play for me, if a man is interested in you, believe me he will not be shy in asking you out, nothing wrong with you keeping a little bit of mystery about yourself, also ensures you don't end up with a knob actually.

Bellendejour · 27/09/2018 13:19

Actually you could be just as likely to end up with some chase-needing, game-playing hot and cold knob who balks any time you voice your desires/needs in a relationship.

I very much made the first move with my DP and it made zero difference - if he likes you he likes you. If not, he can jog on.

I like your casual group night plan. Smile

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 27/09/2018 15:14

It's not game playing to wait, I see it as opting out of game playing if anything. I had put up with enough shit off men in the past that when my now husband showed an interest it was really nice to be pursued. I'd had men ask me out a lot in the past but it was always for them to get a leg over or they turned out to be players, so it was really refreshing to have a lovely man asking to take me on a date, cook me a meal, begin a relationship etc. That way I knew he liked me for me and he was serious about wanting a relationship with me and willing to put in the effort to make it work.

Trinity66 · 27/09/2018 15:20

It's not game playing to wait, I see it as opting out of game playing if anything

How does "waiting" equal opting out of game playing? I said making a guy "chase" you was game playing....which it really is but anyway. If you like someone you go out with them, it doesn't mean you have to sleep with them :/

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 27/09/2018 17:47

It's not game playing to wait because I wouldn't be bothered enough to chase after a man that has not made any effort to ask me out or make it clear that he likes me? I'd just do nothing and move on. Never had a problem with guys asking me out, so why would I chase someone?

Original poster
RubyN · 29/09/2018 14:04

Well I feel pretty stupid now Grin

I contacted him saying I saw he had put he was interested in going to the event & was he still up for it because I’m going to get a group together. He immediately replied ‘Hey :D yes I am definitely going to go!’ And that’s it. Strange because I got a strong vibe he was interested but to not even make the effort to say. He was full of interesting questions in person. Oh well, I guess I’ll see him there....

OP posts:
KlutzyDraconequus · 29/09/2018 14:08

What did you want him to say?

"Why yes, now that I know such a radiant beauty as yourself is going, I shall not pass up the opportunity to bask within your glorious light."

Keep the chat going, say,
"Awesome, I was hoping you would :) maybe we could get a drink together whilst there?"

BackInTheRoom · 29/09/2018 14:48

'Men Chase Women Choose', Dawn Maslar. Go google/YouTube how men need time to build receptors...

Original poster
RubyN · 29/09/2018 16:50

Never mind, he thought better of it and contacted me again asking which showtime id prefer Wink

OP posts:
mayhew · 29/09/2018 17:40

Ive been with my husband 33 years but it would never have happened if I hadn't asked him out! He was shy..
We went out for a drink. He came home with me. Never left.

Original poster
RubyN · 29/09/2018 18:02

thanks mayhew, for proving that sometimes just because the guy is shy, does not mean he isn't interested.

I'm looking forward to seeing him again, except we're still going to be in a group setting (probably). I'll just need to flirt with him and hope he takes a hint to ask me out properly!

OP posts:
LadyGAgain · 02/10/2018 21:48

When's the event OP?

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