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Original poster

Help - BF is having regular happy ending massages - is this cheating?

111 replies

Justalemon987 · 21/09/2018 10:21

Hi All,

Im hoping for some advice on this. My bf and I have had a great relationship so far (18 months) and are on track for marriage and babies. I'm in my 30s so feel time is ticking on.

However, today I found out he goes to a massage parlous where he gets a 'happy ending'. He doesn't know I know and I'm not sure how I feel about it and what if anything I should do. We've had past issues before with him messaging other girls at the start of our relationship so with this now included Im not sure if I should stay with him or move on.

Anyone been through something similar? Can the relationship move on from this? I don't want to start a family with someone if I dont think it will work out in the long term.....

OP posts:
CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 21/09/2018 16:07

Please get away from this man and work on your self respect. You deserve so much better Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 21/09/2018 16:09

If she was happy with it she wouldn't be posting on here.

SweetnessIWasOnlyJoking · 21/09/2018 16:15

Can we all stop having a go at the OP and belittling her. If you can't understand the pull of such a confusing situation (feeling in love with someone that betrays you) then bully for you.

OP, I think it sucks. it's cheating IMO, but then I think sexting and kissing is cheating. Get out now while you still can. Call your mum/sister/BF because you sound like you will need support.

hugs

GladAllOver · 21/09/2018 16:15

If he is paying for handjobs now when he is (presumably) getting regular full sex from you, what will he be paying for when you are exhausted from tending a baby 24 hours a day and can't bear the thought of him touching you?

Do not have a child with this unfaithful creep.

Lifeisabeach09 · 21/09/2018 17:58

Depends how you feel about it.

If you can accept, and be happy in, a relationship with a man who gets sex (handjobs and likely more) from prostitutes, that's your decision to make. Maybe, this type of relationship suits you both.

However, all healthy relationships require trust and honesty and he hasn't been so far...

BitchQueen90 · 21/09/2018 18:10

Yes it's cheating, and men who pay for those kind of services have no respect for women at all as they see them as objects that can be bought for sexual favours. Honestly it's disgusting.

Heidimay · 21/09/2018 18:40

I can see a lot of people have already replied saying pretty much the same thing but please please do not put up with this, it is completely unacceptable. There's no way it's ok. This man is not worth your time, don't stand for this - get rid of this loser!

HoppingPavlova · 22/09/2018 00:57

I think to OP’s point, is this ok in a committed relationship. YES when there is openness and honesty between both parties and they are both happy it lies within agreed boundaries. Some people have an agreed open marriage and that’s okay. NO when there is no openness and agreement, that’s cheating and unacceptable.

Given he has not been at all open about what he is doing, there is no agreement between two partners then nope it’s not something that’s at all acceptable in a committed relationship. Definitely don’t add kids to that mix. Also any future daughter will look to her dad as a role model. Dad nipping off to see prostitutes supposedly in secret (but it’s not) while Mum does the laundry is not something that I would want to role model to my daughter.

Facts are some people have open marriages, some people are swingers, people do all sorts of things. And it’s totally fine if it’s all out in the open with full enthusiastic agreement from both partners. If not then it’s not fine.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 22/09/2018 01:27

Haireverywhere wrote

OP you are making a mistake in thinking you need to approach a relationship as a transaction - what you gain and what you lose from being with him or weighing up his pros and cons.

I agree with this. But it may also be possible that he sees the relationship as a transaction. He performs Prince Charming personified and knows this will make his target confused and hesitant to dump him for dealbreaker behavior.

justalemon, imho, he is playing you. The whole relationship a fake manipulation to use you for steady domestics while he has no intention of being monogamous.

What card will he play next? He has a sex addiction and can’t help it? Cue cute little boy-puppy dog look complete with pouty lip and head tilt. Poor Diddums. Not your problem.

No.
And absolutely get a sti test done; sorry; dismissiveness about this will be at your own very serious peril.

twilightsaga · 22/09/2018 08:08

This will escalate but is bad enough on its own to be honest and I wouldn't be staying with a guy who did this

twilightsaga · 22/09/2018 08:10

He's not connecting with you if he's going for happy endings. He is not a supportive partner doing then when you're already dealing with other things too

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