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Relationships

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Original poster

Help - BF is having regular happy ending massages - is this cheating?

111 replies

Justalemon987 · 21/09/2018 10:21

Hi All,

Im hoping for some advice on this. My bf and I have had a great relationship so far (18 months) and are on track for marriage and babies. I'm in my 30s so feel time is ticking on.

However, today I found out he goes to a massage parlous where he gets a 'happy ending'. He doesn't know I know and I'm not sure how I feel about it and what if anything I should do. We've had past issues before with him messaging other girls at the start of our relationship so with this now included Im not sure if I should stay with him or move on.

Anyone been through something similar? Can the relationship move on from this? I don't want to start a family with someone if I dont think it will work out in the long term.....

OP posts:

Changedforpost · 21/09/2018 11:20

Quangot · 21/09/2018 11:20

HereIgoagainxx · 21/09/2018 11:23

Come on, please ffs

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 21/09/2018 11:23

OP, he’s paying someone (presumably a woman) to make him orgasm.

this is cheating
this is prostitution
Is he thinking of you whilst she is wanking him off? Does that make it ok for you?

FFS. Get rid.

alligatorsmile · 21/09/2018 11:26

I'm not sure I would leave someone over this, but that's just me, and it would depend on a number of other factors. You have to decide what's right for you. I would tell him that you know, though, and ask him to stop. If he continues, then he's gone.

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 21/09/2018 11:27

Something else to think about: if you stay with him and have daughters, this would be ok? Either for him to think that it’s alright for women to do this as a ‘job’ (and let’s face it, there’s far more women in prostitution through addiction and trafficking than there are putting themselves through a law degree 🙄) or simply raising children and spending your life with a misogynist?

He doesn’t think much of women. They are a commodity to be bought.

Beeziekn33ze · 21/09/2018 11:29

Tell him you know and it's you or the massage parlour. Listen to what he says and then decide what to do. And don't rush into marriage or motherhood with him.

SittingAround1 · 21/09/2018 11:29

urgh.

What do you think he's going to do after you've given birth, are totally exhausted and the last thing you want to do is sleep with him ?

This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase of your relationship.

Shoxfordian · 21/09/2018 11:34

Don't put up with this nonsense op
He's cheating on you all the time

Seaweed42 · 21/09/2018 11:36

Dress it up and ignore it and refer to it as a 'happy ending'.
But it's a WANK.
Another Woman is Wanking him.
He is paying another Woman money to Wank him.
You are doing it for free. And he's lying to you as well.
He is disrespecting you to an extreme.
Leave him. You'll never have a moment's peace otherwise wondering where his cock is.

PatriciaHolm · 21/09/2018 11:44

When I am with him, he is extremely loving and attentive.

And when he's not with you, he's shagging other women (don't kid yourself, he's not just having them wank him off).

sophiec123 · 21/09/2018 11:50

Am I the only one who didn't even know this was a "thing"?

No way would I stand for that, it IS cheating!

Pacificwander · 21/09/2018 11:51

If he is so supportive and attentive why is he keeping his use of prostitutes a secret? Why doesn't he share the depth of his support of you while your father is fighting cancer. Why doesn't he tell you?
"By the way I pay women to give me handjobs while you're going through the mill emotionally with your father's cancer anyways what's for dinner ?"
See how utterly selfish and disgusting this is and how he paints an image of the supportive partner while hiding his true shitty behaviour.
Hes getting sex elsewhere and paying for it too!!
You can either leave as you deserve better or you can stay and wonder while you're planning a wedding/ having kids etc whether he's still paying prostitutes?
or would he be ok with you doing same???

user14869556378 · 21/09/2018 11:52

From a guy I know who goes for 'massages' whatever happens at the end is negotiated at the time, it's a lot more than a wank! Yes some men in committed relationships do do this behind their partners back - does that make it ok?! Don't kid yourself that a massage is any different to using a prostitute

Cawfee · 21/09/2018 11:56

I understand that it feels like he’s loving and attentive when you are together but the truth is that the whole thing is a lie. He’s not really like that. Your entire relationship is false and a big lie and that’s very very dangerous. You decide to ignore it and go full steam ahead, marriage and babies. How do you know in 10 years time you won’t get a call from another woman who is also married to him and has his kids because it’s people like him (false deceivers) who do stuff like that. You don’t really know the real him. He’s getting off on deceiving you and having his naughty little side bits. It’s more exciting for him because you don’t know. Gets his adrenaline going. People like him make really bad husbands because you now know you can never ever trust him. Never. Why would you want to spend your life on a lie? You have the opportunity to walk away here. Brilliant. You know the real deal and get to see who is before you’ve wasted 10 years of your life. Don’t ignore this golden opportunity. Walk. Today. Decide you want better for yourself. Tell him “I know you get prostitutes to wank you off so we are done. I wouldn’t touch your dirty bits with a barge pole now you’ve been putting them god knows where”
How you can even look at him I don’t know!!

TomHardysNextWife · 21/09/2018 12:01

How on earth can you be intimate with him knowing that

And frankly it's even worse when he's paying for it.

Get an STI check and get rid.

Anastassiabeaverhausen · 21/09/2018 12:34

It won't be long before you find out he has an ow. Raise the bar op.

Figgygal · 21/09/2018 12:36

Totally gross behaviour I couldn't look past that and allow a man who will pay a woman (who maybe there out of desperation or sufferance) to do that to him to be anywhere near me.

MrsG010814 · 21/09/2018 12:43

This is most definitely cheating and your kidding yourself if you think you can make it out to be anything else.

He's disrespecting you and clearly doesn't love you, if you have any self respect you should walk away now before you end up married with children and stuck with him for the rest of your life.

Imo this is probably just the beginning and will possibly end up having an affair if he isn't already

Adora10 · 21/09/2018 12:54

it seems its just hand jobs

This must surely be a joke, if not OP you seriously need help in common sense; family and babies with a man that is visiting prostitutes, spending money on them regularly and messages OW; that's just what you know, all that in 18 months, are you really that desperate to have a man, shocked.com

winegal · 21/09/2018 12:55

He is not going for a massage is he? You go to a salon or nice spa for that. He is going to brothels for a wank. I would also be SHOCKED if he was having a massage and a wank. He's going to brothels to have sex with prostitutes.

Seriously OP. Think about it.

Juells · 21/09/2018 12:59

STI clinic post haste

SandyY2K · 21/09/2018 13:00

How would he feel about you having your clitoris and g spot stimulated by another man?

Do you think he'd stop to wonder if it was okay.

Whether you label it as cheating or not... it's not acceptable behaviour and if you were married it would certainly meet the unreasonable behaviour grounds for divorce.

Don't settle because of age... you'll only regret it later.

CatboySpeed · 21/09/2018 13:02

You know you can find a man who is wonderfully supportive and doesn’t cheat on you, right? Don’t use the ‘oh well lots of men must do this’ excuse to stay with him. They don’t.

AntiHop · 21/09/2018 13:04

This is not normal or acceptable. You deserve better.

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