Help - BF is having regular happy ending massages - is this cheating?

[Justalemon987]

Hi All,

Im hoping for some advice on this. My bf and I have had a great relationship so far (18 months) and are on track for marriage and babies. I'm in my 30s so feel time is ticking on.

However, today I found out he goes to a massage parlous where he gets a 'happy ending'. He doesn't know I know and I'm not sure how I feel about it and what if anything I should do. We've had past issues before with him messaging other girls at the start of our relationship so with this now included Im not sure if I should stay with him or move on.

Anyone been through something similar? Can the relationship move on from this? I don't want to start a family with someone if I dont think it will work out in the long term.....

‘Just hand jobs’ oh well that’s ok then.
Come on now.

How lovely that he's supportive to you and makes you happy but ...

He's paying other women for sexual favours.
There's been issues before with him texting other women.

Does this make you happy?
It would me very sad

Get rid.
Asap.

Cut all ties to him.
He's a cheating rat

And get yourself a sti test

I think he's treating you so terribly.

Tell him you know, tell him it's cheating, and tell him you're leaving.

I'd be heartbroken if I found out my boyfriend was doing this and I absolutely do think it's cheating.

Yoni

Whats stopping me from just walking away however, is due to other factors such as his amazing support while my father has been fighting cancer, how well we get on and apart from these issues, genuinely connect.

If YOU are happy to remain with him based on the positives in your relationship, and you're okay with accepting him getting a happy ending once a month or so, then that's what's right for YOU.

I cant help but wonder how many men in committed relationships do the exact same thing.

I'd say about 10-20% of the over 50s. (I'm a sex worker. My main market is guys aged 45-85 so my sample demographics are not representative of the entire market.)

Get some godamn self respect and show him you're actually not a Muppet. That you deserve and demand better
He's def not the husband for you. And def not the father you want for your babies.
Imagine you at home with baby and him being tossed off and coming back to play happy families.

Please please please get rid now. Do not waste your 30s on this tosser. Pun intended

@Yoni

How will you feel when you’re exhausted and at home with 2 small children whilst your husband is allowing a prostitute to wank him off? How about when the hand job is no longer enough and he starts having sex with them? Then you’ll be exhausted and have a dose of the clap as well as 2 small children. Do yourself a favour and get out now. And in answer to your ridiculous question, yes, of course most men are able to resist visiting prostitutes when in committed relationships, some can even resist such temptations when single!

Oh how grim.

Dear god raise your bar woman. He's paying someone to wank him off. Presumably you are in a sexual relationship with him? He is looking outside your relationship. He does not respect you.

Grim, grim, grim.

Get out before you tie yourself to this tosser.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Think on that question.

He may well have been a good support to you re your dad but he is not a faithful partner to you and this is cheating. He is paying other women for sexual favours and I would also be advising you to get a STI test done. I doubt very much he would be at all forgiving of you if this was the other way around.

You are in your 30s but its not your last chance saloon here by any means. Do not hold him up as so.

Oh for god's sake, why even ask...

WHAT?!! Is this a wind up? No seriously, he gets hand jobs from a masseuse and the question is, is this alright?

Man times have changed...😕

You're gonna stay with him aren't you though

Wow - so he's using prostitutes (basically)
Getting wanked off by other women (plural)
And paying women to pleasure him.
And he likes to emotionally cheat by flirting with other women.
The fact you have to ask is very worrying.
Where are your morals and boundaries?
Please value yourself more than this.
Understand why you are even considering this to be OK within a relationship and get some counselling.
I'm assuming you have low self-esteem.
Do something about that.
Kick this misogynistic asshole to the curb and find a nice man who doesn't disrespect you and other women so much.
Just..... ICK!!!!!!

*Would you mind if he was getting a random woman from the pub to toss him off?

Does it not count because he is paying ?*

^this.

This isn't normal op, I understand you love him and may wish to 'unsee' this, but you can't and it will eat away at you. I suspect that he isn't as great as you think, if you are considering accepting this then he's already done a lot of damage to your self confidence. You are worth more, you do deserve better. Maybe talking it through with someone (counseling) would help you with your self confidence?

You're not serious! you can't be .....

Run.
Don’t look back.
Thank whatever higher power you subscribe to that you’re not married to, and have no children with this horrible sleazy man.

I think the yardstick here is if your (future) daughter came to you with this situation what would you say to her?

Imagine your father knew, what advice do you think he would give you?

If you really think that once you have kids and are worn ragged with sleepless nights he is just going to be out getting handjobs off prostitutes you are deluded.

He sounds like a keeper.

Come on, no one can be this thick? Of course it’s cheating. He’s getting sexual gratification from someone other than you. Even worse, someone he’s paid. It’s disgusting. You’re happy with someone, other than you, putting their hands on your partners dick and getting him off. Or him putting his dick in someone else’s mouth? Are you only ok because he’s paying for it. Would you be ok if he went to a club and got some random to jerk him off?

That man who supports you and makes you happy? He's the faithful one you thought you had. Unfortunately, he doesn't exist and the one you actually have is a cheating bastard who will ultimately make you miserable. You know that he's been hiding this from you - what else is he hiding? I couldn't be with a lying cheat no matter how supportive he was in other ways.

You’re surely worth better than this? There is better than this. End it. Now.

OP you are making a mistake in thinking you need to approach a relationship as a transaction - what you gain and what you lose from being with him or weighing up his pros and cons.

Whilst we all have flaws and relationships involve good and less good aspects it's also normal in healthy relationships for us to have our 'red lines'. This means behaviours or ways of being and relating that are fundamentally unacceptable to us and once these boundaries are crossed, we walk or we plan to walk if we can't that day.

As an example, if my DH ever propositioned a friend, I'd walk. It would cross a line. I wouldn't need to weigh up his (many) positive traits. The boundary violation would be enough.

These "red lines" are personal to each of us and I wouldn't say what yours should be. But - you need to know what they are to look after yourself. You clearly don't.

You might benefit from counselling.

You don't go to massage parlours where you have a happy ending, it isn't part of the standard offer at most spas, not on the menu at Champneys.

You go to a brothel where the happy ending is the whole point of the 'massage'.

Blimey OP you’ve set the bar extremely low in the bf stakes if you’re questioning if ‘happy endings’ are cheating or not do you think he’d be fine for another fella to be ‘fingering’ (ok gross term but I couldn’t think of anything else) you?

And you’re still thinking he’s a good catch? Have a bit of self respect OP, he’s paying for sex ffs!