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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I contact his family?

79 replies

GirlabouttownxXx · 20/09/2018 21:22

Long story short. I’m 37 weeks pregnant and my ex partner has left the country and told me he can’t come back due to visa problems.

I don’t believe this to be true.

I feel that he is so scared to tell his family about this baby he would rather lie. So I’m wondering if I should make contact with his family. He says he has told them but again I don’t believe him.

I feel like he wants to pretend as though me and his child do not exist. I also feel that his family will be able to tell me the truth because he is a pathological liar.

What should I do? Any advice would be much appreciated

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 20/09/2018 21:26

What outcome are you hoping for by contacting his family?

Original poster
GirlabouttownxXx · 20/09/2018 21:31

I feel his family might want to be involved with our child and I would also like to get to the truth.

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 20/09/2018 21:32

Do you want.them to be.involved.

Rebecca36 · 20/09/2018 21:35

In your position I would contact his family, tell them you are pregnant and what he has said to you.

However I'm not you and it's up to you what you do.

I'm so sorry you are in this dilemma.

NotTheFordType · 20/09/2018 21:36

Are his family in the same country as you are?

whoatemytwix · 20/09/2018 21:36

Sounds like you know the truth op. I'm so sorry but I would cut and run. Your baby deserves better, and you deserve better. I'm sorry he is a worthless shit. Huge hugs for you. X

Creeper8 · 20/09/2018 21:38

i wouldnt

Starlight345 · 20/09/2018 21:39

No he is not going to be anymore interested in his dc because you have informed his family something he is hiding from them

Original poster
GirlabouttownxXx · 20/09/2018 21:53

Thank you for your replies

His family are in the same country as me and I would allow them to be involved if they wanted to be.

OP posts:
subspace · 20/09/2018 21:56

He's a pathological liar? Okay. So you're better off with him not even in the same country. Sorry, it must be a shock.

passwordfailure · 21/09/2018 00:18

I would think of yourself as a single parent from now on. Any further involvement will end up being a nuisance to you at a later date.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 21/09/2018 00:23

Id let them know and offer them contact. You don't have to give them your address or anything but ideally the child should have the opportunity to meet their family. They might not be interested but might be.

I don't have any contact with my dad because he was abusive, I have an entire family I know nothing about. In fact I stalk them on facebook (( same town )) looking at photos to try and see who I look like.

They look like nice people, I wouldnt make contact. It would be too awkward and wouldnt come naturally but as someone who doesnt know the other half of who they are I assure you. It's horrible.

Wolfiefan · 21/09/2018 00:24

Have you met the family or will you be a complete stranger to them?
I would assume you’re going to be a single parent TBH.

sue51 · 21/09/2018 00:27

I would contact them. They could be supportive and it would be good for your child to have knowledge of her/his extended family. Equally they could ignore you and be as bad as your ex but you won't know unless you try. Just because your ex is an irresponsible liar doesn't mean the rest of his family are like that. Give them a chance to act decently.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 21/09/2018 00:43

Also ds underwent tests for a serious, genetic heart condition a while ago (( clear thank God )) id have had to contact them to ease my own conscience but it did make me think how improtant medical history is.

Oddcat · 21/09/2018 00:48

I think it depends on how well you know his family , do they even know about you ? It could open a can of worms .

PollyFlinderz · 21/09/2018 03:43

I think it depends on how well you know his family , do they even know about you ? It could open a can of worms

They don’t know about the baby so it’s unlikely there’s any contact with the family.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 21/09/2018 04:33

I wouldn't. Feels like opening a can of drama

Koalablue · 21/09/2018 05:35

Are you propared for the fact that his family might be pathological liars too? What if you don t want them to maintain contact but they insist. Youll be stuck with them in your childs life.

sunshine789 · 21/09/2018 10:20

In what relations are you? Did you see his family ever?

Maybe if they raised such son, its better for you not involve your baby into that.

Did he explain what exactly wrong with visa? What did he do to solve it? And when it will be done? Whats the plan actually?

If not, then forget him, block him and enjoy your motherhood without this idiot.

Im also sorry for you having such situation, but now you HAVE to think about yourself and baby, stay calm and happy.

Haireverywhere · 21/09/2018 10:23

As others have said I think be prepared for the fact that his family don't want to know and consider yourself as a single parent to be.

If you don't have an established relationship it's hard to judge how they'll respond I guess but I would have zero expectations.

Congratulations and look after yourself!

Original poster
GirlabouttownxXx · 21/09/2018 13:05

Thanks again for all the replies. I would like his family to be involved if they wanted to be but I have never met them.

His whole visa situation was very confusing to me apparently his work visa ran out and the company he works for didn’t want to renew it -even though he was given a promotion a few months ago.

Tbh I really don’t give a damn about him I just want my child to have a chance to know the paternal side of his family.

I have a great support system around me but I have accepted that I will be a lone parent.

OP posts:
girlalmighty · 21/09/2018 14:39

What nationality is he op. This could be a huge factor in how telling the family will go down.

passwordfailure · 21/09/2018 15:17

OP - how old is he?

Original poster
GirlabouttownxXx · 21/09/2018 15:34

He’s 30 and of African descent

OP posts: