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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Don't hate me! Help me fix it.

104 replies

Veganvibes · 15/09/2018 18:39

I know this won't be popular but I need advice.
I've been sleeping with a married colleauge for the past 2 weeks. We were both clear it was just sex but he has become very attached very quickly and constantly wants to talk about where we are and how we feel. Although he's never talked about leaving his family I can't help but feel this is where its heading.
I don't want this at all.
We still need to work together in a highly corporate environment so I need some advice on how to stop this before it goes any further.

I am fully aware it's wrong too so please save yourself some time if all you want to do is bash me.

OP posts:

GirlfriendInAKorma · 15/09/2018 18:40

What outcome are you looking for? If you want 'just sex' then find someone single...

loveyoutothemoon · 15/09/2018 18:42

It's quite simple really, you say he's become attached and that you don't want it, cut him off.

What do you want us to say?!

AuntieStella · 15/09/2018 18:43

If you chose to let yourself get in to this, and are incapable of choosing to end it, then the beast advice is to start working on your CV. Because you've chosen to wreck your career prospects in you current company,

thereareflowersinmygarden · 15/09/2018 18:43

He won't leave his family.

Stop sleeping with him, tell him your relationship will be purely professional from now on.

You'll get hurt otherwise.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/09/2018 18:43

Just tell him it’s over.

Why are you worried about that?

Original poster

Veganvibes · 15/09/2018 18:43

We work very closely together and I don't want any repercussions

OP posts:

Whatsnewwithyou · 15/09/2018 18:44

Break it to him gently by saying you want to end things before you get too attached, you will always think if him as the one who got away, etc. Stroke his ego basically as you and things and then hopefully he'll be flattered enough not to do something stupid to ruin your marriage and career. And never do anything like this again!

meditrina · 15/09/2018 18:46

Let me guess - another empty Saturday, and you can't talk to him so you are choosing to stoke the drama by talking about him.

The best thing wouid be for you to stop this kind of self-indulgent attention seeking.

If you want to ditch him, just do it.

If you don't, then I suggest you post on one of the 'mistress support' websites.

MeteorGarden · 15/09/2018 18:47

Just be honest with him. He probably won’t leave his family, you certainly don’t want him to. It may be that you’re actually completely on the same page.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 15/09/2018 18:49

Call his bluff , tell him you want him to leave his family otherwise you can’t continue ...I have a feeling that it will be a very humbling moment for you

RefuseTheLies · 15/09/2018 18:50

We work very closely together and I don't want any repercussions

That’s quite naive. You can’t have sex with someone you work closely with and expect nothing to change.

RabbitsAreTasty · 15/09/2018 18:50

What repurcussions? Is he your boss?

TheQueef · 15/09/2018 18:50

Don't shit where you eat.

Fizzysours · 15/09/2018 18:51

Bloody hell people. She's asking for help. Do people even read stuff before jumping on their high horses?

Stroke his ego... be heartbroken but firm that this is over...and ermm... work on your cv but don't panic as he may be decent enough to work with still. Well done for spotting that this is a shitstorm.

Fizzysours · 15/09/2018 18:52

Call his bluff? WORST PLAN EVER. He already sounds way too into you.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 15/09/2018 18:54

Well done for spotting that this is a shitstorm.

Seriously ? Well done ? I’m sure the op figured this out before sleeping with him. It’s as the other poster said. An empty saturday night so just wants to “talk about him and her exciting affair” 🙄

Poppyinagreenfield · 15/09/2018 18:57

Easy. Tell him the truth. That way he will listen, believe and understand unless

he is a psycho stalker

You did check this out in the round didn’t you ?

Fizzysours · 15/09/2018 18:58

She wants out. If you read the post. Sigh..

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 15/09/2018 19:02

Fizzysours do you really think he will leave his wife for her? Get real , that’s why I said “it will be a humbling moment”

Chiffon · 15/09/2018 19:06

If he offered to leave his wife would you be with him?
Do you just want sex?
Do you think you could end it?

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 15/09/2018 19:06

She’s an adult , works in a corporate environment so I’m assuming she has a relatively decent IQ (despite being morally bankrupt) . No one needs “help” to end a two week sex affair . It’s obvious she just wants to talk about this to get that attention “kick” that so many ow need because they have low self esteem.

Chiffon · 15/09/2018 19:18

Why is he having the affair btw? In love with you? Not in love with his wife? Trouble in the marriage? A serial cheater?

Original poster

Veganvibes · 15/09/2018 19:45

It was a mistake. It had been building for a long time and has got very intense very quickly. He's actually here at the moment so I can assure you I don't need attention or an ego boost. I'm just genuinely looking for a constructive way to end this without causing more damage.

OP posts:

RoomWithALoon · 15/09/2018 19:51

He's there right now and you're posting about how to break it off?

IhatetheArchers · 15/09/2018 19:53

That's nice, maybe you could show him this thread, and you could do 360 degree feedback (corporate style)

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